Diwali is the most prevalent festival of India and it is so widespread that people from all over the world think that they can come to India anytime and burn their own little crackers. The latest example of this is “The Jaipur Diwali” which happened last week. Well, we the people of India welcome all these tourists with an open heart coz we didn’t have any tourist scandal since Scarlett’s “Fuck me with weed” trauma.

So what exactly happened? Well no newspapers or news channels had the exact info. According to some , there were 7 explosions within 12 minutes and some were saying that there were 8 explosions that rocked the city like a Michael Jackson Concert. This is what Indian Media is all about. Icing on the cake is that, all the news channels were claiming to have an exclusive secret video recorded and sent by some random guy. The video is all about showing a place where the explosion took place. All I saw in that video was a bicycle. If you want to talk to that guy, we got his email address just for you from a news channel by bribing them for Rs 10 Only.. Well this is the rate these days and they say India is a developing country!.

And his email address is “gayosama@fuckme.com”

Instead of helping these people, politicians of the opposition parties took this as a perfect opportunity to put blame on the Central Govt. and their intelligence services who by the way lost in the first round of SRK’s show “Kya Aap Paanchvi Paas se Tez Hain?”. When media persons tried to contact Manmohan Singh, he was found in his room playing “Halo 3″ with Sonia Gandhi while his wife was watching “Desperate Housewives”.

Nevertheless, the dad of Indian news channels “India TV” was able to get an interview with one of the “Tourist” or as many say “Terrorist”.

Half Bald Guy: Welcome to India Tv’s popular show “Janta ki Adalat” . And the judge for the evening is Aamir Khan.

Aamir Khan : See I’m fully bald and you are half bald. I’m the number 1 and I’m the PERFECTIONIST  MUHOHOHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!

Half Bald Guy: Ok sir you’re. Now let me call upon the criminal of the evening “Tourist A”

Tourist A : Thank you to both Bald People. Why not wear a wig?

Half Bald Guy: Ahem.. So Mr A, how old are you?

Tourist A : You a$$hole, don’t you know it is impolite to ask a terrorist’s age ? Piece of shit. Didn’t your mom tell you anythin?

Half Bald Guy: Oh! sorry I didn’t know that.. So tell me somethin about your team..

Tourist A : First of all I want to say that our team is not like that of Banglore Royal Challengers and we don’t have an owner like Malya. We don’t drink and we don’t watch sluts getting stripped in the dance bar or do they call them air hostess? We work hard for every cracker we make and that is why they don’t call us a “TEST TEAM”. We are the champions of our T20.. and that is the reason behind 9 bomb blasts within 12 minutes

Half Bald Guy: Sir I think there were only 7..

Tourist A : Fuck you asshole.. you don’t know a shit about anythin

Half Bald Guy: And what do you have to say about Shane Warne’s decision of not leaving India?

Tourist A : I think he has a secret fetish for Bombs.. Sex bombs

Half Bald Guy: What are your views about Preity Zinta?

Tourist A : She is the SEX BOMB

Half Bald Guy: What about Rakhi Sawant?

Tourist A : She is a wannabe Sex Bomb with a dog named “Abhishek”.

Aamir Khan : I know a dog named “Shahrukh”!!

Tourist A : And I know a bitch named “Kiran”!!

*Aamir Khan blushing after hearing such compliments for his wife Kiran*

*CROWD CHEERING FOR TOURIST A*

Half Bald Guy: Ok ok, what was your main motive behind these blasts in the “PINK CITY”?

Tourist A : I wanted to turn this city into “RED CITY”

Half Bald Guy: Are you a painter? or are you a relative of M.F Hussain?

Tourist A : *With a blank look* Fuck you asshole.. *Takes out a matchstick and burns the whole place*

*Aamir khan tries to save his ass *

*CROWD AGAIN CHEERING FOR TOURIST A*

And the latest news is that, Mahesh Bhatt and Vikram Bhatt offered “Tourist A” a role in their forthcoming movie “Gay Salsa” opposite Emraan Hashmi. Emraan seems to be pretty excited about kissing a guy..

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Help and pray for all the victims of the bomb blast

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