When Adam and Eve were about to have sexual intercourse for the first time with a Kondom, God came to them and warned them by saying that, “if you will fuck each other using a Kondom in lieu of a Condom, then the whole human race in India will suffer in the far future”. He proclaimed that, “A Big Bitch will walk on this holy land in the body of an ugly slut and she will have a big fetish for the letter K instead of having fetishes for six pack abs or zero size bodies”. But, both Adam and Eve, didn’t take the warning seriously and they kept on humping each other. And now, as a repercussion of that humping, we’re suffering from a disease known as Ekta Kapoor.

So without any further ado, I would like to welcome her to the very first episode of our show, “The Big Bitch”, hosted by your one and only, “Shahid the Gay Kapoor”.

*Rented crowd silent as they were not given any booze or chicken to welcome the guest.*

*Some old retard ladies started crying after seeing the Goddess herself.”

Ekta: Thank you Shahid. You know what? I think you’ve defeated my brother Tushar Kapoor in the competition of gay looks. Congratulations.

*Shahid shying*

Shahid: Thanks Bitch. So let’s move on to our first question, I’ve heard that you are going to embrace Aarushi Talwar’s murder story in your daily soap, is that right?

Ekta: Yes, I think it’s a perfect way to increase the TRP of my serials which have been running from centuries.

Shahid: Don’t you think it is sick?

Ekta: At least it is less sick than watching you romancing with old fat Vidya Balan or that Aarushi the bitch herself. She was humping her 40 year old Nepali servant instead of watching my serials.

Shahid: But it has not been proved that she was sleeping with Hemraj.

Ekta: Shut your mouth ass face, you don’t know anything. This is what happens when you don’t let your kids watch my Indian cultured serials. If she would have been watching my serials then she would have known our Indian culture and the dresses that an Indian woman must wear with all the make-up.

Shahid: But this is imbecilic

Ekta: Yes, this is as imbecilic as your fetish for Justin Timberlake and his gay dance moves. That is why you are trying to copy his dance moves in your latest fucked up movie, “Kismat Konnection”, right gay boy?

Random guy from the crowd: Fuck off you both hermaphrodites

*Old retard ladies beating the shit out of Random Guy*

*Ekta Kapoor giving them blessings*

Shahid: Ok, let’s change the topic; what do you have to say about the latest attempt from Mozilla to set a world record by making Firefox the most downloaded software in a single day?

Ekta: I don’t know about that, but I can surely see a fire in your little fox in your pants which is becoming bigger and bigger with every passing second.

Shahid: How do you know that I call it a Fox?

*Ekta stunned, while other girls and ladies laughing at him*

*Shahid embarrassed*

*Random guy doing something with his fox by keeping the picture of Kareena in front of him*

Shahid: Ok, what do you have to say about your patch-up with Smriti Irani(The Great Tulsi of India)?

Ekta: I’m so happy about that, we’ve always been loyal to each other from the very starting.

Shahid: But we’ve heard that you both are lesbians, is that true?

*Ekta takes out her mobile and calls Tulsi with great anger*

Ekta: Tulsi bitch, why did you tell everyone about us?

*Sounds of moaning coming from the phone*

*Ekta fully anxious*

Ekta: Tulsi! Are you humping someone again?

Karan Johar: Who the fuck is this? Can’t you understand that I and Tulsi are busy?

Ekta: KARAN! I thought you were going to fuck me tonight

Karan: Yeah, I’ll fuck you too, don’t worry darling, we will have a threesome

*Ekta depressed*

*Young teenagers and Shahid laughing*

*Old retard ladies crying*

*Random guy still playing with his fox*

Shahid: Ok, now what will you do?

Ekta: Wait! I’ve just got an idea; I’ll start a new show based on me and Tulsi

Shahid: What would you call it?

Ekta: Kahaani Two Lesbians Ki

Shahid: And who will play the lead roles?

Ekta: Anmol and Shambhavi, the new sluts of Bollywood

Random guy while playing with his fox: Die you fucking slut

*Old retard ladies cheering for Ekta*

Shahid: Best of luck for that, what do you have to say about the movie “Sex and the city”? Planning to launch an Indian version?

Ekta: Love you Shahid, you gave me a wonderful idea. I’ll call it, “Kyonki Kiss bhi Kabhi Sex thi”. My leading ladies will have sex while praying, talking, and plotting against each other and also during dying, during their marriages and also during their plastic surgeries. I’m the best!!

*Splitsvilla facing a tough competition now*

*Old retard ladies blushing*

*Random guy got caught masturbating to Kareena’s pic*

*Shahid and security running after the Random guy*

*Ekta Kapoor fantasizing about her new shows*

*Producer decides to end the show with a “FUCK YOU” message for everyone*