Archive for the Category »Aamir Khan «

Dec

After 24/7 promotions, continuous interviews, and giving youth the Ghajini hairstyle by acting as a barber, Aamir Khan’s most awaited and commercial movie till date, Ghajini, finally got released. Now, the hype around the movie was superb, full marks to the marketing team of Ghajini for that. So, the question is, does it leave to the hype? No, I don’t think so.

There is a lot of discussion going around if Ghajini is a copy of Memento, and believe me, it is. And we’ll talk about it in the end of the post. But first, let me give you a quick review because I’ll forget everything in 15 minutes just like Aamir Khan in the movie.

Story is about a business tycoon, Sanjay Singhania (Aamir Khan), who is suffering from anterograde amnesia, and is looking for revenge, why? Well, because his girlfriend, Kalpana (Asin) was murdered by the villain guy, Ghajini. As you can see there is nothing special in the story department.

Let’s talk about the treatment of the movie. It’s clearly following the Tamil Cinema where action is over the top and our hero can beat anyone, no matter how many they are, you know Rajnikanth style, as popularly known to Bollywood audience. This is the very first mistake of this movie.

Director of the movie, A. R. Murugadoss, is a South Indian movie director, and he thinks that this type of stuff will work in Bollywood, but sorry to say sir, we’re not living in the 80s anymore. We want some real action, and not this non-sense.

This brings me to the villain, Ghajini (Pradeep Rawat), wearing white pants and jewelry. I mean, c’mon! When Hollywood is giving us cool villains like The Joker, here we have a moron Ghajini, who can’t even fight the hero. We really need a better quality of criminals. The scenes which were supposed to be intense drama, were the ones in which people were laughing. That explains a lot!

The main problem of Ghajini is the incorrect presentation of the disease, anterograde amnesia. The thing which is the main plot point of the story is the weakest link of the movie. There is no consistence in portraying the disease. Sanjay can forget things anytime he wants, irrespective of the limited time frame that is 15 minutes. For example; he can spend more than 15 minutes killing the bad guys but will forget what he is doing only after he killed all of them.

Biggest loophole

Story is filled with loopholes. In the movie, they show us that Aamir doesn’t remember the death of Asin and he only comes to know about it when he reads the tattoos on his body. Fair enough. But the problem arises in the long run.

Now, if we go by the disease, he should forget about her death every 15 minutes, but he doesn’t. He should remind himself every 15 minutes that his girlfriend got murdered. But NO! He’ll forget everything but not this. He’ll forget it only when he sleeps. What kind of BS is this?

And the last scene, how can he remember that his girlfriend is no more? He is happy, enjoying a birthday party, even forgetting the girl who helped her, but doesn’t forget that Asin is no more. As I said earlier, there is no consistency in the disease. Ghajini falls flat when it comes to some logic.

Music is average and songs are forced. If you leave out Kaise Mujhe, there is not one song which comes out natural. The only saving grace of the movie is the love story of Aamir Khan and Asin. It’s simple, innocent and beautiful. For me, it’s the second best love story of 2008 after Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi.

Performances

Now let’s talk about the performances. Aamir Khan did all he can do to save this film. He put all of his efforts but there is still lacking the punch. He scores 100 out of 100 for the love story part but when it comes to action, sorry to say, he looks like a Sunny Deol wannabe.

Screaming, running and beating up the guys, no emotions as such. Well, I respect Aamir for his acting and his choice of roles but this time, he got it totally wrong. I know you want to do commercial cinema, but check out some good scripts in lieu of this trash. You’re not Akshay Kumar, so leave the brainless stuff to him.

Asin the best part of Ghajini, people totally loved her. She has a great future in Bollywood because she has a great control over Hindi and her expressions are natural. There will be a tough fight for best debut actress awards this year.

Was there Jiah Khan too in the movie? Damn, this 15 minute thing is really catching up to me. Now, I can see why she was not in the promotions. No acting skills, poor dialogue delivery, another Katrina Kaif wannabe.

Comparison of Memento and Ghajini

As I promised, let’s see how Ghajini and Memento are similar. People, who haven’t seen Memento, please don’t bother replying to this part because you don’t know what you’re dealing with.

Ghajini steals all the main plot points of Memento i.e. Anterograde Amnesia, hero seeking revenge, murder of his love, maps on the wall, a girl helping the hero, and not to forget the Polaroid Camera, they didn’t even bother to change the camera, so stupid! Now if you don’t call it stealing the idea of the movie then I don’t know what you call it.

For those who’ll say that the treatment is different in Ghajini then let me give you an example. Consider an exam and one student is copying answers from another student and then suddenly, teacher catches him. To his defense he says that, “Teacher, our answers maybe same but our hand writing or presentation is different.”

This is what the director and Aamir Khan is doing. A. R. Murugadoss said that he just read the plot line of Memento or saw the trailer and then wrote his script. Well sir, tomorrow you’ll also say that you just heard the name of Memento and wrote a script of your own and surprisingly, it had a lot of similarities. Give us a break!

You can just totally copy “Hitch” and make it “Partner” or thousands of other Hollywood movies into Bollywood but not Memento. Memento is an all time classic and people from all over the globe respects it a lot. Check out imdb.com rating for Memento, you’ll find out yourself.

I’m pissed off because it’ll give such a bad name to Bollywood when people from other countries watch it.

I’m more worried about Christopher Nolan, the guy who made Memento and The Dark Knight. This movie will surely make a bad impression about Bollywood on him. Ok, fine, you copied the movie then at least have the decency to give the credit to Nolan brothers for working so hard over the script. Shameful!!

One thing to Mr. A. R. Murugadoss, you can copy the movie and claim it to be yours but you can never match the respect that Nolan has, not even in your wildest dreams. And please, don’t come to Bollywood with this trash.

Verdict

Ghajini is your total masala film, with all the elements in one package. The script is fully flawed and makes no sense. Aamir Khan really tries to save this film with his superb acting but Ghajini works only because of Asin. If you take out her from the movie then there is nothing left in the movie. A. R. Murugadoss really needs a movie making lesson in Bollywood otherwise there is no future.

In short, Ghajini is dumbness at its best.

For those people who think that this movie is too good then do yourself a favor and watch Memento. You’ll come to know what real movie making is all about. I’m giving the link to IMDB page of Memento below the post so that you can check out the reaction of the public and the ratings.

IMDB Page – Memento

Rating –

Cast – Aamir Khan, Asin Thottumkal, Jiah Khan

Music Director – A. R. Rahman

Movie Director – A. R. Murugadoss

Post your comments, reviews and suggestions in the comment box below and I’ll reply to them and vote in the poll.

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Nov

Ghajini Music Review

newsdose

Ghajini Movie Review – 2 stars

Ghajini is, indubitably, Aamir Khan’s most awaited project till date and he has done a great job in promoting the movie till now, but the trailer didn’t seem to have the excitement which is required for an action film, and if reports are to be believed, it’ll surpass every action movie made till date. But those are just reports, so we can’t trust them much.

We’re here to review the soundtrack of Ghajini, which quite surprisingly released only a month before the release date. Well, I think that’s because Aamir Khan was not sure about the songs because they are not really good. Soundtrack of Ghajini comprises of 6 tracks, 5 originals and with one instrumental. Just like Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na, A. R. Rahman tried to concentrate on originals rather than remixes.

Here is the song by song review of Ghajini

1. Guzarish

Guzarish, the song which was released in the trailer of the movie as the background score, and also the first song promo to be released from the album, is a soothing experience. Melody of the song is really smooth and simple, A. R. Rahman style, and the lyrics are above average. Sung by Javed Ali, the man behind the hit, Jashn-E-Bahaara, from Jodhaa Akbar, is not a good choice for this song and guest vocals are by Sonu Nigam. If you’ve Sonu Nigam in the song, who is doing more justice to the song just by “humming” then you should give the whole song to Sonu.

I’m not saying song is below standard or something, but the only thing that I’m pointing here is Javed doesn’t feel like a good choice as it doesn’t suit his voice. Sonu Nigam or Roop Kumar Rathod would have done better job. But, overall, Guzarish is an amiable song which can find a little place in your I-pod.

2. Aye Bachchu

I listened to Aye Bachchu a lot of times before writing this and sorry to say, it’s such a cool wannabe song. I’ve no idea how this song would fit in the movie, but I think it’s an item number, going by the lyrics. Well, there is nothing great about Aye Bachchu, lyrics are so ignorant, music is below standard, and Suzzane doesn’t do any favor to the song by pronouncing “bye bye” as “bi bi.”

3. Kaise Mujhe

Kaise Mujhe, another romantic ballad, sung by Benny Dayal and Shreya Ghoshal, is another average love song. Well, I really don’t know what to say, if the lyrics are so wannabe soppy. “Uparwale ko fursat nahi, phir bhi tumhe bana ke vo, meri nazar mein chhad gaya”, or this one “Kaise tum mujhe mil gaye, Kimsat pe aaye na mujhe Yakeen”, please explain this stuff to me. Prasoon Joshi, you got it all wrong this time.

It’s not his fault alone, A R Rahman’s melody is too difficult to sing for Benny while Shreya does a terrific job in the song, and you’ve a sigh of relief when she comes to sing, almost after half of the song is finished. Listen it only for Shreya, and I hope we’ll get an only Shreya version of the song.

There is also an instrumental version of Kaise Mujhe, as the last track of the album.

4. Behka

After Tu Bole Main Bolu, A R Rahman try to do another jazz stuff, although Tu Bole Main Bolu was an instant classic, Behka is a below average affair. Behka is sung by Kartik, and lyrics, I should point it out again, have no sense at all. There is no consistency in the lyrics and you really don’t know what it means unless you listen to it as if your life depends upon it.

I don’t see it as a situational song, so I assume it would be a background song, but that’s not a good choice if you’re trying to show the condition of Aamir’s character in the movie. As film is dark, looks from promotions, it’s really ironic that none of the song has a dark feel.

5. Latoo

Another weird title joining the league of “100 weird song titles from Bollywood”, Latoo is the second best song of the soundtrack. Not a genius work, but if you’ve to go through so many bad songs in a row then anything will appeal to you just for the sake of it. A R Rahman should thank god because he has Shreya, who made this almost dead beat song a worth wile listen.

Honestly, I was really looking forward to the soundtrack, after listening to Guzarish, but I was totally disappointed by the soundtrack. Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na is one of my favorite albums, and undoubtedly, one of the best works of A R Rahman. But this time, he got it all wrong just like he went wrong with the music of Yuvvraaj. Lack of sales of Yuvvraaj proves my point and I think Ghajini will not perform any better.

Moreover, I don’t see the point of so many songs in a movie like Ghajini, which is a remake of Hollywood classic, Memento, directed by Christopher Nolan, the man behind the master piece, The Dark Knight. I don’t understand why they’re focusing on so much romance while the movie is itself an action film. I’ve not seen the Tamil Version of Ghajini, so I don’t know what to expect from this. Sold for 93 crores, Ghajini is a very costly affair for the distributors, and as I already said previously, if the music of the movie is good then half of the battle is won, which is not in the case of Ghajini.

Verdict

Ghajini is another average Bollywood album with only 2 amiable songs which you can listen to again and again. After disappointing Yuvvraaj, A R Rahman gives another prosaic album. People say that it takes a lot of listens to like Rahman’s album and I agree with them, but you can listen to this as many times you want, it won’t change your opinion. Ghajini is only for A R Rahman fans and for others, there is always something else in the store.

Rating –

Cast – Aamir Khan, Asin Thottumkal, Jiah Khan

Music Director – A. R. Rahman

Movie Director – A. R. Murugadoss

Post your comments, reviews and suggestions in the comment box below and I’ll reply to them and vote in the poll.

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Nov

Who is the King of Bollywood?

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Day after day, I see every other Bollywood website commenting on who is the real King of Bollywood. It’s like the burning topic for the country, even more than why that “wannabe assassinator” from Bihar got shot, or why Politicians of India are not even leaving the chance to play politics on his death, or when will Raj Thackeray die, or the best question, why a BLACK Obama is going to the WHITE house? I mean these are serious questions, right? Especially the last one if you are a racist.

To the poor souls, who participate in the fight of “King of Bollywood” and ma$turbate while sitting in front of their PCs in lieu of doing something productive, I’m going to clear your doubts for once and all. To those lucky souls who never got to see such discussions, here is a sample of what happens in the fight.

But first, you’ve to realize that they fight as if they are those actors, so don’t be surprised about their use of language.

Here is a log of the fight.

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*Akshay Kumar Fan (AK) joined the chat on his virtual scooter with a slogan “Indian audience love brainless comedies coz they don’t have a brain”, while Shahrukh Fan (SRK) is smoking despite the ban on smoking in public chat rooms by Internet Health Minister, P0rn Lover.*

*Aamir Khan Fan (A) is busy in writing a blog entry about his love for dogs and about his new pappu, I mean puppy, Imran Khan. News Dose (ND), on the other hand, is wasting time on Orkut, Facebook, Twitter and other countless social networking sites in trying to make contacts with hot girls.*

AK: So SRK, I heard music of your new movie, Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi, just got released and I also heard that NewsDose gave it 5 stars. He sounds like a Fan of yours. It’s biased.

SRK: Yeah, so? It deserves it.

AK: O c’mon, you know songs suck. I mean, a harmonium in the song, really? In which year are you living? 1950? Where is the hip-hop and hot b!tches? Show me some bling and Snoop Dogg, nigga.

SRK: It would be totally inappropriate coz I’m playing a boring character in the movie just like I’m in real life. I’m boring, unromantic, and with a white hair.

AK: Yeah right! You’re boring, that’s why I’m the King of Bollywood. You know why youth loves me? Because I give them Katrina Kaif, showing her cleavage and hot a$$, on which they can drool so that they don’t give a $hit about the story.

SRK: And I give them Deepika Padukone, who changes her boyfriend every other day. I’m pretty sure Anushka will follow her footsteps.

*AK thinking – “Damn! That’s true. I don’t have any more $luts. Shilpa Shetty doesn’t talk to me now. $hit.”*

*ND drooling over the pictures of hot girls while Aamir’s fan is uploading the pictures of Aamir Khan using Imran Khan to get girls*

*After 10 seconds pause*

AK: You know what? You $uck. I’m the king. I gave 4 back to back hits.

SRK: So did me.

AK: But I gave them in one year. And guess what? I’m getting 100 crores for new movie. HA! Beat that, you @$$hole.

SRK: Any proof?

*Pause for 10 seconds*

AK: You know what? I’m getting 100 crores and that’s it. I’m the King and King is always right.

*Aamir’s fan realizes that Aamir is losing the battle*

Aamir: Hey! How the hell can you forget me? I’m the perfectionist! Muhahahaha!

SRK: And here comes the baldy.

Aamir: What did you call me? You’re a piece of my dog’s $hit, you know that?

AK: Great going, Aamir. Let’s kill him together. HAHA

Aamir: What are you laughing about, you brainless creature. Watch my movies someday and learn some story telling from it. I’m the best!

AK: Then why does your new movie, Ghajini, looks like a tamil movie? And hey, I thought we were together in this battle against SRK.

Aamir: I don’t need anyone, that’s why I kicked Amol from Taare Zameen Par and took all the credit. I’m the real KING. I’ll do the same thing for Ghajini, if it succeeds on box office.

SRK: Give me a break; you are an Idiot of 3 idiots. A dumb@$$.

*Suddenly, Salman Khan’s Fan enters the room in his virtual car and with a picture of Aishwarya in his one hand and his other hand is somewhere down.*

*ND is still busy in collecting the pictures of hot girls*

SK: What the hell is going on? *Closing the zip of his pants*

AK: Ah! Three SRK haters now. It’s fun. Tell him who’s the King, Salman.

SK: I don’t know but it is not SRK. He is one selfish guy who took my Katrina to Dubai on Diwali while I was bursting my crackers alone in my bed, if you know what I mean.

Aamir: Just like you were bursting in your car with Aishwarya’s picture?

SK: Totally, I still remember those good old days. Damn you Abhishek. Anyway, SRK is gay and spends his time with KJO.

*ND completes his collection of hot pictures of hot girls and returns to the chat room.*

*ND reads the whole conversation and decides to act responsibily.*

ND: Why do you guys always fight with each other? Don’t you have anything to do in life?

AK: Yeah, like what? Giving SRK’s movie biased reviews and 5 star ratings, and giving 2 stars to mine? F*ck you.

SK: Yeah, I think SRK gives u his thing behind your thing, if you know what I mean.

ND: Listen people, all those superstars don’t even know you. They’re earning millions and you are wasting your time.

AK: Get lost, you d!ckhead. Let us fight. This is our life and this is what we do.

*SRK, Aamir, and SK say the same thing*

ND: But…

All: Get out, you @#$@%@#^$^$^##%@%@#@

*ND quits the room and now writing a new blog entry about Obama while all 4 morons are still fighting*

So, you see, this is what happens in a so called debate over “The King of Bollywood.” One piece of advice, never participate in such fight coz chances are that you’ll be addicted to it.

And for those poor souls, as I promised earlier and as THE ROCK will say, “It doesn’t matter who’s the KING OF BOLLYWOOD.”

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Do you have any experience of these fights? Do you want to comment on the article or present your views on who’s the real king? Comment box is below. Go for it!
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Aug

Singh is Kinng Movie Review

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How many times have you heard those Santa Banta jokes? I know, a lot of times. But now people might include one more character to Santa Banta and make it trio and that character would be Happy Singh from the movie Singh is Kinng.

Singh is Kinng

Singh is Kinng is about a halfwit Sikh guy, Happy Singh (Akshay Kumar), from a village in Punjab who always cause trouble to village people and they are vexed by his unique ability to cause troubles. So, in order to get rid of him, they pack-off him to Australia to bring underworld King, Lucky Singh (Sonu Sood), back to their village. There he lands into various troubles and meet the love of his life, Sonia (Katrina Kaif), who is already committed.

This is the general outline of the film and to be honest, it is not that “original”. Singh is Kinng is filled with serendipities and misunderstandings. Add a lot of toilet jokes to it, and there you have a typical Anees Bazmee movie. His last movie, Welcome, was a big success, but the same thing can’t be said about the reviews from both the critics and the audience. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, check out IMDB.com, there it only got 5.4/10 rating from 825 votes.

But that was the past, now let’s get back to Singh is Kinng. Honestly speaking, Singh is Kinng is a very competent idea of the director to make huge money, just like with Welcome, without even giving a damn about the audience who pays a lot to watch an amiable and sensible comedy.

From the title of the movie, you expect it to have some different approach to portray Sikhs in the Bollywood movies unlike those movies in which Sikhs are represented as cretinous (idiots). But no, this movie is the same like those movies. I’m a person who believes in providing full liberty to the artist to express his opinions, even if they offend someone.

But, if you give a title Singh is Kinng to a movie, then I expect you to justify the title of the movie. Sadly, this is not the case with this one. No doubt, this movie would be a big hit, but when it comes to morals and honesty towards your work, it falls flat.

Performances

Akshay Kumar

He is undoubtedly the king of comedies and he is proving his worth with every movie. He really gets into the character of Happy Singh, and delivers it with brilliance.

But again, I’ve one question for him. I know you are a popular star now, but why are you pretending to care about the Sikhs? You go on blabbering about Singh is Kinng on award shows and promotional events, but where is your honesty towards the subject?

Just say that, “I only want to make money out of it and I don’t give a shit about anything else. I want to be the King of Bollywood.”

You should use your popularity to do some movies that can send some good message among the youth of India instead of doing such cheap movies. That is the difference between you and Aamir Khan and ShahRukh Khan.

Katrina Kaif

Please someone tell this girl to stop acting. This is one of the worst performances I’ve seen in a long time. She can even make Ayesha Takia’s performance in De Taali as an Oscar worthy performance.

I know you’ve the looks that can make any guy want to be with you in bed and believe me, directors and producers are using you for this reason only. You don’t stand anywhere close to the other female actors in terms of acting like Vidya Balan, Deepika Padukone, Kareena Kapoor, hell you are even worse than Aishwarya Rai and I’m really serious about this.

Please go to some good acting school and learn some acting. You’re just an eye candy in the movies and I don’t think it is a good sign for your career.

Supporting Cast

I’m really mad about the wastage of Ranvir Shorey in this movie. He is one of the best actors to come out from Bollywood in recent times. Why did you waste such a wonderful talent in your movie, Anees Bazmee?

Om Puri shares a good chemistry with Akshay and gives an above average performance. Kirron Kher really stands out in the movie. Javed Jaffrey, Neha Dhupia and Sonu Sood give average performances.

Final Words – Singh is Kinng is your average Akshay Kumar entertainer. Go to the cinema hall without your brain and you’ll enjoy it, although chances are less. Akshay Kumar carries this movie on his shoulders. If you are a diehard fan of Akshay Kumar, then it would be a perfect treat for you. And if you are not, better wait it to come on TV.

One advice to Anees Bazmee – Please stop making such stupid movies and use your talent in a better way. I know you want to make a lot of money, but please, don’t do it on the expense of someone’s feelings and yes, I’m talking about Sikhs. Have some morals and I’m talking to you too, Akshay!

I’m not a religious fanatic and I simply don’t care about anything but not everyone is like me. But I can bet that many Sikh groups would be pissed at this movie. I was going through the reviews of the movie and found one on Sikhnet. Do read it and you’ll see what they think about this one.

Verdict – If brainless and toilet humor is your taste of a good comedy then go watch it. Be my guest. But if your taste is opposite to mentioned above then refrain yourself from this one.

Box-office result – It would be a big hit as I mentioned earlier, considering the hype around this movie. But sometimes, there is something more than just money which is certainly not true for both the director and the actors.

Rating – 2 out of 5

Your views – Post your reviews on the movie as comments in the box below. Or if you’ve something against my review then also post it. I would be glad to reply to it.

Note to readers – I’m not saying that performance of Akshay Kumar was bad or something, I’m just saying that there was no story at all, humor was cheap and it didn’t justify the title of the movie and the promises it made. You can always read the reviews of other critics like that of Rajeev Masand of CNN-IBN.

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Must Read – Why is India a loser in Olympics? – Find out why and give your views.

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Jul

ShahRukh and Salman Khan Fight

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Since the man started walking on this Earth, there have been only wars and wars, be it for money, Aishwarya Rai’s husband position, some so called holy place “Kashmir”, or over the Indo-US Nuclear Deal. The prime examples of these wars would be Indo-Pakistani War, War between Rakhi Sawant and Kashmira Shah on Big Boss, fight between Salman, Vivek and Abhishek, or that famous one between Shilpa Shetty and Jade Goody, but, none of them had generated such controversy in the Indian Media as Shah Rukh and Salman fight did.

According to our very own trust-worthy news channels, there was a spat between Shah Rukh Khan and Salman Khan on the birthday party of Katrina Kaif, which was orchestrated by Salman Khan. But, as we all know the true nature of our Sallu Bhai, he couldn’t resist himself from taking shots at Shahrukh. As of now, no one knows what exactly took place between the two Khans, as every newspaper and news channel is giving different story, thus, maintaining the HIGH STANDARDS of Indian news.

But, we at The News Dose, decided to find out what exactly happened. So, in order to achieve the target, we contacted our very own shit jabbering bitch, Rakhi Sawant and asked her to do a show especially for us.

Ladies and their pervert Husbands, I, Rakhi Sawant, would like to welcome you to my chat show, Rakhi 007, on the famous news channel, The News Dose.

Random Guy from crowd: You still alive? I thought I killed you last week after raping you in front of your boyfriend, Abhishek, while he was masturbating to your rape. President of India even gave me Padma Shri for doing this. Fuck!

Rakhi: Don’t be silly, getting raped by perverts like you is my day to day job. Anyways, we’ve lots of celebrities in my show. We’re going to discuss about Shahrukh and Salman fight.

Salman: Shut the fuck up. Where is my alcohol? Don’t you know I can’t live without it even for 2 minutes?

Katrina: Don’t drink please my Sallu, otherwise you would call me Aishwarya Rai and start humping me again. I have feelings you know!

Salman: Feelings my @$$, you can’t even act properly. You’re just an eye-candy in movies.

Akshay Kumar: That’s right. Films score on box-office just because of me, I’m the King.

Rakhi: Stop it please. So, Shahrukh and Salman, what happened that night?

Shahrukh: Here is the conversation took place that night

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Salman: You know what? You and Karan Johar, both of you are gays.

Shahrukh: And you are a dog of Aishwarya and Katrina.

Salman: O please! I’m the King and everyone knows that.

Shahrukh: Yeah right! You’re the queen of Akshay Kumar.

Akshay: Yes, you are my queen. Let’s go, our room is waiting for us baby.

Aamir: Hey!! How could you guys forget me? I’m the perfectionist! You both suck balls of Karan and Akshay.

Salman: And you use your gay nephew Imran Khan to introduce yourself to sluts, right Aamir?

***********************************************************************
Rakhi: Ok, that sounds believable. I believe anything in which people insult Aamir.

Aamir: Die you slut!

Rakhi: Shut up baldy. Now, we’ll do something different. We’ve the editor of Mumbai Mirror, the newspaper which published this news first.

Editor: Thank you, thank you.

Random guy: Fuck you moron, I wiped my ass with your newspaper, you know that?

Editor: Yes, this is why we publish our newspaper. It helps to clean and see your ass. That is why there is Mirror in the name.

News Dose: Why did you publish such atrocious news without even checking the real story?

Editor: This is because our team is filled with nincompoops who like to write stuff using their ghoulish creativity, just like News Dose. Moreover, it helps people to wipe their asses, which is our main motive.

Rakhi: Do people wipe their penis when you publish something about me?

Random Guy: O yes we do! Especially after masturbating.

Rakhi: Yippee!!!!

News Dose: Ok, now I’ll ask couple of questions to Rediff.com’s editor and the commenters (Indian Men) on that site.

Rediff: Don’t ask me anything. I’m just like the editor of Mumbai Mirror. A complete chowder head.

News Dose: So, the turn is of Indian Men.

Indian Men: Bring it Bitch!

News Dose: Why do you love Salman Khan so much?

Indian Men: Salman is like God to us. He is our role model. He is the one who teaches us how to be a pervert and have affair with girls who are almost half of our age. He also shows the holy path to beat up our girlfriends/wives and also to kill poor people and animals.

You should try his book, “1000 ways to beat your girlfriend and still remain out of jail”. I tell you, that book opened my eyes. I’ve tried all the methods mentioned in the book and I’m really proud of myself.

News Dose: And why do you hate Shahrukh so much?

Indian Men: He is the one who tells us how to respect your wife, kids and other ladies and how not to act like a pervert. He is not an INDIAN MAN. He is a disgrace to our INDIAN SOCIETY.

He is earning millions of dollars while we are sitting at our home and masturbating to Katrina’s, “Zara Zara Touch me”. This is unfair to pervert Indian men.

So, in order to cope up with this frustration, we say that he can’t act and he is over-rated while we are the ones who’ve never even acted in a single movie in our whole life and yet, we consider ourselves as the top actors.

But wait, we are the directors, you know how? We make mms scandals of our girlfriends/wives and upload it on desi sites. It is our first step to become Sanjay Leela Bhansali. PERVERT INDIAN MEN for the win!!

Random Guy: I would like to say something to Aamir. From where the hell did you come in this whole fight, huh! Trying to be a peace maker now? Die you useless creature created by God. You and Salman take a room and make a sex tape. And then send it to your gay fans. Die! Die!

News Dose: Before Random Guy does something stupid, we’ve to end this show. Thank you for watching and I hope you’ve learnt the lesson.

Don’t trust the Indian Media and don’t give a shit about this fight. There are more serious issues in this world than this.

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Serious note – All the stuff mentioned is made up by our astute writer who doesn’t have anything to do in life. If you didn’t like it then just don’t pay attention to it and move on.

And one thing to both actors, stop the fight and patch up. People love both of you.

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Also read – Bachna Ae Haseeno Movie Review

[digg=http://digg.com/celebrity/ShahRukh_and_Salman_Khan_Fight]

Jul

Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na Movie Review

newsdose

When was the last time a romantic movie complied with your level of penchant? I know, Jab We Met in 2007. But, this is 2008, and it feels like it’s been ages since we saw an up to scratch Bollywood movie, predominantly because of the thrash talking, nauseating and brain slaughtering movies like Tashan, Krazzy 4 and the latest, De Gaali, I mean De Taali.

Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na

In spite of all this, Bollywood finally gave us a movie which will make you gaga over its freshness, unique presentation and too good to be true performances and that movie is, indubitably, Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na. I think I’m praising too much, but on a second thought, it deserves this.

Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na is about Jai Singh Rathore (Imran Khan), also known as Rats and Aditi Mahant (Genelia D’Souza) a.k.a Meow or “Kaali Billi”. Jai is a person who doesn’t believe in violence while Aditi is a girl who is violent and who calls her own brother, “Son of a Bitch”. And, both of them are best friends or let’s just say more than friends. A perfect case of “Opposites attract”.

Based upon the life of 6 college friends, it is a simple yet fresh love story, at least in terms of storytelling, but the same can’t be said for the script as it is based upon the tried and tested formula for love stories in Bollywood. For example; love between two best friends, opposites attract and of course, the Airport climax scene.

But, it is the fresh style of the debut director Abbas Tyrewala, the writer of movies like Munnabhai M.B.B.S and Main Hoon Na, which makes the movie, seem like Dr. Manmohan Singh standing between the uneducated Indian Politicians. Sounds palatable, right?

From the very first frame, you’ll come to know that you are about to witness a rollercoaster ride. But, just like any other movie, it has its own share of rust on it. And in this case, it is the most ignorant mistakes that I’ve ever seen in movies.

Mistake 1

I don’t expect this kind of mistake from Aamir Khan’s production and that is the choppy editing of the movie. There are many scenes which could have been funnier especially the one in which Jai and Aditi’s brother try to catch his pet. Substandard editing and direction totally ruined that wonderful scene.

Mistake 2

There are too many characters and their stories which are not required at all. Take the example of Aditi’s brother who has his own little story which distracts the viewers from the main idea of the movie and it doesn’t hold any significance.

Mistake 3

They are shown as 21 years old youngsters who are too keen to get married. Does it really happen these days? I don’t think so. And, they have spent 5 years in college which makes them 16 when they entered the college. Brainy students, right?

Mistake 4

I want to tell this but I can’t, because it is the climax scene and I don’t want to ruin the fun.

Performances

Imran Khan – He is undoubtedly the next Big Khan. He is really comfortable with his role and does perfect justice to it. I don’t think there is anyone who could have done this role better than him. Moreover, his smile and looks are already a hit among the girls of all age groups. One more thing for the ladies, don’t miss him when he rides the white horse, he surely looks like a king at that time.

I think Ranbir Kapoor should drop another towel to get all the attention back.

Genelia D’Souza – She steals the whole show hands down. She is cute, funny and perfect for the role. She pulls her role off with utter brilliance. It was a surprise as her performance in Mere Baap Pehle Aap was not that good. Nevertheless, she is the one to watch out for.

Supporting Cast – Most of the supporting cast was perfect especially Manjari Phadnis, Ratna Pathak (Jai’s mother), Naseeruddin Shah (Jai’s dad), Ayaz Khan and the three guest appearances. Paresh Rawal in his short role make you laugh more than any character in the movie.

Problem with the movie is that, the director sometimes tries too hard to impress you. And, sometimes, story loses its original path and become confusing thanks to the editing which was carried out with utter shame. I expected a lot from this movie, but, it didn’t live to my expectations because of the stupid mistakes.

In spite of all this, Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na is a movie to watch. You just can’t miss it. It is a movie to watch with your friends, or better, with your girlfriend or boyfriend.

Showstoppers – Imran Khan, Genelia D’Souza

Rating – 3/5 (I’m being generous for this one)

[digg=http://digg.com/movies/Jaane_Tu_Ya_Jaane_Na_Movie_Review_7]

May

Rakhi Ka Phone Aaya – New Lesbian TV SHOW

newsdose

The growing craze of IPL has sabotaged the whole business of Reality Shows in India. Prior to IPL, you could see a new homosexual Reality Show every other day. Some of the prime examples of these shows are Star Voice of India, Indian Idol, KBC, Big Boss, Koffee with Karan. I got so inspired from this craze that even I tried to start my own TV Shows. I contacted India TV and they asked me to send some ideas about the shows. Here is a small list of the shows that I wanted to start…

1) Big Bitch
2) Kaun Banega Rakhi Sawant ka Pati (Host: Her used up condom boyfriend Abhishek)
3) Booze with Bobby Darling
4) Cunt Voice of India (Judges: Himesh Reshammiya, Anu Malik and a Dildo ready to fuck that cunt voice)
5) Kya aap Ass se tez hain? (Host: The Ass himself “Mahesh Bhatt”)

But sadly, IPL ruined my plans. But, Zee Television has decided to start their own lesbo Talk Show with Rakhi Sawant as the host. It is called “Rakhi Ka Phone Aaya”. The main motive behind this step is to destroy IPL with the help of big boobs of Rakhi, as this is what Indian Men crave for, even more than Cricket. Producer of the show asked me to see the shoot. How could I say no to such a momentous event in the history of FUCKED UP INDIAN TELEVISION? The show is expected to start with a bang like a gang bang, with as many as 11 stars together on the stage showing their banging skills. I went to the shooting and here is what I saw.

Rakhi: Welcome all of you to my pussy licking show, “Rakhi Ka Phone Aaya”.

Random guy from the rented audience: Die nameless Bitch!

* Rakhi blushing, Producer smiling as he thinks it’ll increase the TRP”

*TRP – Total Request Porn*

Rakhi: Thank you sir and I also welcome the Celebrity Guests of the evening.

*Rented audience clapping as they were given free booze and chicken to do this*

Rakhi: So my first question is for Shahrukh. How are you feeling after losing the battle of the favourite Krazzy 4 item number?

SRK: I didn’t lose the battle. I gave you the title…

Rakhi: Oh please, everyone knows that I’m the ITEM of Bollywood!

Random guy from rented audience: Yeah you’re the ITEM, how much do you charge for one night bitch?

Rakhi: Rs 10 for twosome sex, Rs 20 for threesome and Rs 30 for Group Sex…

Shambhavi(Roadie): I charge only Rs 5 coz I’d already fucked all the guys on MTV ROADIES

Bobby Darling: I’m free!

*Random guy confused between so many sluts*

Rakhi: Shut up Bitches; let’s move on to Hrithik… I heard you’re becoming a father for the second time… how are you feeling? Don’t you have any self-control?

Hrithik: Actually third baby is also coming…

Rakhi: Susan is having twins?

Hrithik: No, Actually I’m doing a kiss scene with this Hollywood slut…

Rakhi: Baby from a kiss?

Hrithik: This is how Indians make babies right? Raja Hindustani anyone?

Aamir: No piece of shit, I’m so perfect that no one came to know when I fucked Karishma… I’m the Number 1 MUAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

Rakhi: Shut up you baldy shit.. Did you shave your pubes too?

Aamir: I shaved your pubes when YOU, ME AUR HUM were having a threesome

Rakhi: Fuck off… now let’s talk to Abhishek and Aishwarya… So Ash, tell us about your Big Boob Show at Cannes… What were you thinking? Trying to beat me in Boob size?

Aishwarya: I wanted to show Salman and Vivek “THE STUFF” that they’ve missed!!

Abhishek: I wanted to tell Rani Mukherjee and Karishma about “THE STUFF” that I got by marrying Ash!!

*A big pole is visible in Salman’s skinny jean while Rani is looking under her bra…*

*Random guy got caught masturbating to Ash’s Cannes picture*

*Aishwarya blushing, Rakhi Jealous…*

Rakhi: So Saif, you seem to be pretty angry about your sister’s pictures in the Maxim Magazine… Why were you not angry when Kareena did the same thing for FHM..?

Saif: Well, I’m Kareena’s dog and I don’t want to repeat the mistakes of her ex-dog “Shahid Kapoor”… I’m really insecure about Kareena… I get to fuck her in doggy-style you see!!

Kareena: Yeah, Saif is my dog, people put collars around their dogs, and I got him a tattoo saying “Kareena”…

*Rakhi impressed and now looking towards her dog Abhishek*

*Random guy still running from police with his cum on Ash’s picture*

Bobby Darling(dreaming): O yeah! O yeahhh!! Fuck me Shahid! Fuck me! Fuck me with your 3 inch dick!!

Rakhi: Wake up bitch from your faggot dream… and I think you told us the reason why Kareena left her ex-dog.

*Kareena proudly touching 4 inch dick of Saif*

Rakhi: So Raghu, first of all congrats for the success of Roadies 5.0, finally you gave two new sluts to Bollywood, “ANMOL and SHAMBHAVI”.. anyways what are your views about Aarushi Murder Case?

Raghu: I think they gave the case to CBI for further investigation..

Rakhi: Wait, CBI? CUNTLESS BITCHES INSTITUTE?

*Raghu bangs his head on the wall and starts crying*

Rakhi: Cry Baby… and how can we forget our Deepika Padukone and Ranbir Kapoor? How are you? You look really cute with each other… So how many times have you fucked each other?

Deepika: I’m still a virgin… I really love Ranbir and I’ll make love with him after our marriage…

*Random guy announces the latest mms scandal… Deepika giving Yuvraj a blow job*

*Deepika deleting Yuvraj’s naked wallpaper from her mobile*

* Now a pole is visible in Ranbir’s skinny jean*

And this is how the show ended. It was one hell of a night. No wonder it’ll beat IPL in TRP! Make sure to watch it and have a blast.

Rating – SHOW IS FOR ADULTS ONLY

*******************************************
News to confirm the show
http://sify.com/movies/bollywood/fullstory.php?id=14681152
http://www.mid-day.com/web/guest/entertainment/bollywood/article?_EXT_5_articleId=1146774&_EXT_5_groupId=14
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[digg=http://digg.com/celebrity/Rakhi_Ka_Phone_Aaya_New_Lesbian_TV_SHOW]

May

The Jaipur Diwali

newsdose

Diwali is the most prevalent festival of India and it is so widespread that people from all over the world think that they can come to India anytime and burn their own little crackers. The latest example of this is “The Jaipur Diwali” which happened last week. Well, we the people of India welcome all these tourists with an open heart coz we didn’t have any tourist scandal since Scarlett’s “Fuck me with weed” trauma.

So what exactly happened? Well no newspapers or news channels had the exact info. According to some , there were 7 explosions within 12 minutes and some were saying that there were 8 explosions that rocked the city like a Michael Jackson Concert. This is what Indian Media is all about. Icing on the cake is that, all the news channels were claiming to have an exclusive secret video recorded and sent by some random guy. The video is all about showing a place where the explosion took place. All I saw in that video was a bicycle. If you want to talk to that guy, we got his email address just for you from a news channel by bribing them for Rs 10 Only.. Well this is the rate these days and they say India is a developing country!.

And his email address is “gayosama@fuckme.com”

Instead of helping these people, politicians of the opposition parties took this as a perfect opportunity to put blame on the Central Govt. and their intelligence services who by the way lost in the first round of SRK’s show “Kya Aap Paanchvi Paas se Tez Hain?”. When media persons tried to contact Manmohan Singh, he was found in his room playing “Halo 3″ with Sonia Gandhi while his wife was watching “Desperate Housewives”.

Nevertheless, the dad of Indian news channels “India TV” was able to get an interview with one of the “Tourist” or as many say “Terrorist”.

Half Bald Guy: Welcome to India Tv’s popular show “Janta ki Adalat” . And the judge for the evening is Aamir Khan.

Aamir Khan : See I’m fully bald and you are half bald. I’m the number 1 and I’m the PERFECTIONIST MUHOHOHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!

Half Bald Guy: Ok sir you’re. Now let me call upon the criminal of the evening “Tourist A”

Tourist A : Thank you to both Bald People. Why not wear a wig?

Half Bald Guy: Ahem.. So Mr A, how old are you?

Tourist A : You a$$hole, don’t you know it is impolite to ask a terrorist’s age ? Piece of shit. Didn’t your mom tell you anythin?

Half Bald Guy: Oh! sorry I didn’t know that.. So tell me somethin about your team..

Tourist A : First of all I want to say that our team is not like that of Banglore Royal Challengers and we don’t have an owner like Malya. We don’t drink and we don’t watch sluts getting stripped in the dance bar or do they call them air hostess? We work hard for every cracker we make and that is why they don’t call us a “TEST TEAM”. We are the champions of our T20.. and that is the reason behind 9 bomb blasts within 12 minutes

Half Bald Guy: Sir I think there were only 7..

Tourist A : Fuck you asshole.. you don’t know a shit about anythin

Half Bald Guy: And what do you have to say about Shane Warne’s decision of not leaving India?

Tourist A : I think he has a secret fetish for Bombs.. Sex bombs

Half Bald Guy: What are your views about Preity Zinta?

Tourist A : She is the SEX BOMB

Half Bald Guy: What about Rakhi Sawant?

Tourist A : She is a wannabe Sex Bomb with a dog named “Abhishek”.

Aamir Khan : I know a dog named “Shahrukh”!!

Tourist A : And I know a bitch named “Kiran”!!

*Aamir Khan blushing after hearing such compliments for his wife Kiran*

*CROWD CHEERING FOR TOURIST A*

Half Bald Guy: Ok ok, what was your main motive behind these blasts in the “PINK CITY”?

Tourist A : I wanted to turn this city into “RED CITY”

Half Bald Guy: Are you a painter? or are you a relative of M.F Hussain?

Tourist A : *With a blank look* Fuck you asshole.. *Takes out a matchstick and burns the whole place*

*Aamir khan tries to save his ass *

*CROWD AGAIN CHEERING FOR TOURIST A*

And the latest news is that, Mahesh Bhatt and Vikram Bhatt offered “Tourist A” a role in their forthcoming movie “Gay Salsa” opposite Emraan Hashmi. Emraan seems to be pretty excited about kissing a guy..

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Help and pray for all the victims of the bomb blast

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[digg=http://digg.com/comedy/The_Jaipur_Diwali]

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