Archive for the Category »Katrina Kaif «

Nov

2008 proved to be a really bad year for Bollywood, with very few hit films and innumerable flop films which include many mega budgets and just when you thought 2008 can’t get worse than this for Bollywood, another bomb drops again and this time it is, Subhash Ghai’s, Yuvvraaj.

I, normally, never like when people talk during the movie, but thank god, they made fun of the movie otherwise I would have left the theater during the movie only.

Well, nothing was right for Yuvvraaj from the starting of the promotions. Music has not been well received, promos lacked the required punch, and then there was Zayed Khan who seriously needs to quit this industry or at least join some acting class.

Yuvvraaj is a vacuous effort from the showman himself, who gave us legendary movies in the past. Nothing is right about this movie, except Anil Kapoor.

For first, script of the movie is so stupid that you would laugh during the emotional scenes, believe me, people were laughing and add to that imbecilic dialogues which directly came from the movies of 1970s. Background score of the movie is a total waste and only two songs are good in the movie; “Tu Meri Dost Hain” and “Shano Shano.”

Subhash Ghai spent most of his time and money searching for exotic locations, if he had spent half of that time and money on his editor then Yuvvraaj would be have somewhat watchable. Most of the movie scenes start with a fade-in effect and end with fade-out effect.

You can’t blame the editor much if the direction of the movie is weak. Mr. Ghai, here is a suggestion for you, how about watching some 2008 movies and then directing a film? I’m sure you would do much better. Exotic locations, beautiful sets, and foreign people don’t attract Indian audience anymore.

And what’s with the subtitles in Hindi for the English dialogues spoken by foreign actors? We can understand English pretty well, thank you!

Now let’s talk about the foreign actors or are they really actors? I mean, Mr. Ghai, you could have spent a little money on hiring some good actors instead of wannabe people on the streets who act even worse than Katrina Kaif, ok that’s not right, no one can act worse than Katrina.

What about the scene in which Katrina and Salman are in a restaurant and talking and the angle is such that you get to see foreign actors in the front with wine glasses. You’ve to watch that scene, they didn’t do a thing sitting there, and the lady was too hesitant to drink the wine. I wonder what was in it.

Talking about acting, there is none. If you leave out Anil Kapoor, who is the only saving grace of the movie, then there is no one in the movie who knows how to act. What the hell happened to Salman Khan in Yuvvraaj? After giving such a good performance in Heroes, he is like total blank here and those inconsistent looks of him don’t help either.

And if you’ve Zayed Khan and Katrina Kaif as other leads then only God can save you. Katrina doesn’t do anything in the movie except looking good just like her other films and this time she is defeated by the girl who played Zayed Khan’s gold digger girl friend (the girl in Shano Shano song). It was a delight to watch her whenever she came on screen, even though she couldn’t speak Hindi that well, but at least, she knew some acting.

People were mocking Zayed’s acting and laughing at him, especially the scene in which his car broke down and he was screaming in the middle of the road.

Then there are bunch of supporting actors who are just smiling here and there and don’t know the “abc” of acting. You’ve to see the expressions of those actors, seriously. This is also because of the bad editing and Mr. Ghai’s outdated style.

And this leaves us to Anil Kapoor, playing the autistic son, who only knows how to act in the whole crew. If it hadn’t been for him, I would have given Yuvvraaj a big ZERO. Salman, Zayed, and Katrina should learn something from this guy, who is, undoubtedly, the most versatile actor in our industry today.

Verdict

Yuvvraaj is a not a movie which you should watch by spending your hard-earned money, hell, don’t even waste your internet’s bandwidth in downloading the pirated copy of this film, because it doesn’t deserve it.

Mr. Ghai, with all due respect, I’ve to say that you’re still stuck in 1970s era and you’ve to come out of it seriously. If you’re teaching this type of stuff in your film school then God saves our film industry. Even those extra “v” and “a” will not be able to save this movie from becoming a flop. Better luck next time.

Rating –

Cast – Salman Khan, Anil Kapoor, Zayed Khan, Katrina Kaif, Boman Irani, Mithun Chakraborty

Music Director – A R Rahman

Movie Director – Subhash Ghai

Do you want to comment on the movie or my review? Then go to comment box and do it. I’ll reply to them and don’t forget to vote in the poll.

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Must Reads

1. Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi Music Review – Check out the music review of the most awaited movie of 2008.

2. Dostana Movie Review – 4 stars – One of the coolest movies of 2008.

3. Are you a loser on the internet? – So, do you think you’re one? Is it difficult to answer? Read the post to find out.

4. An Indian Woman is Independent – Are you afraid of Independent women? Or do you want to become one? Then read this post.
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Nov

Who is the King of Bollywood?

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Day after day, I see every other Bollywood website commenting on who is the real King of Bollywood. It’s like the burning topic for the country, even more than why that “wannabe assassinator” from Bihar got shot, or why Politicians of India are not even leaving the chance to play politics on his death, or when will Raj Thackeray die, or the best question, why a BLACK Obama is going to the WHITE house? I mean these are serious questions, right? Especially the last one if you are a racist.

To the poor souls, who participate in the fight of “King of Bollywood” and ma$turbate while sitting in front of their PCs in lieu of doing something productive, I’m going to clear your doubts for once and all. To those lucky souls who never got to see such discussions, here is a sample of what happens in the fight.

But first, you’ve to realize that they fight as if they are those actors, so don’t be surprised about their use of language.

Here is a log of the fight.

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*Akshay Kumar Fan (AK) joined the chat on his virtual scooter with a slogan “Indian audience love brainless comedies coz they don’t have a brain”, while Shahrukh Fan (SRK) is smoking despite the ban on smoking in public chat rooms by Internet Health Minister, P0rn Lover.*

*Aamir Khan Fan (A) is busy in writing a blog entry about his love for dogs and about his new pappu, I mean puppy, Imran Khan. News Dose (ND), on the other hand, is wasting time on Orkut, Facebook, Twitter and other countless social networking sites in trying to make contacts with hot girls.*

AK: So SRK, I heard music of your new movie, Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi, just got released and I also heard that NewsDose gave it 5 stars. He sounds like a Fan of yours. It’s biased.

SRK: Yeah, so? It deserves it.

AK: O c’mon, you know songs suck. I mean, a harmonium in the song, really? In which year are you living? 1950? Where is the hip-hop and hot b!tches? Show me some bling and Snoop Dogg, nigga.

SRK: It would be totally inappropriate coz I’m playing a boring character in the movie just like I’m in real life. I’m boring, unromantic, and with a white hair.

AK: Yeah right! You’re boring, that’s why I’m the King of Bollywood. You know why youth loves me? Because I give them Katrina Kaif, showing her cleavage and hot a$$, on which they can drool so that they don’t give a $hit about the story.

SRK: And I give them Deepika Padukone, who changes her boyfriend every other day. I’m pretty sure Anushka will follow her footsteps.

*AK thinking – “Damn! That’s true. I don’t have any more $luts. Shilpa Shetty doesn’t talk to me now. $hit.”*

*ND drooling over the pictures of hot girls while Aamir’s fan is uploading the pictures of Aamir Khan using Imran Khan to get girls*

*After 10 seconds pause*

AK: You know what? You $uck. I’m the king. I gave 4 back to back hits.

SRK: So did me.

AK: But I gave them in one year. And guess what? I’m getting 100 crores for new movie. HA! Beat that, you @$$hole.

SRK: Any proof?

*Pause for 10 seconds*

AK: You know what? I’m getting 100 crores and that’s it. I’m the King and King is always right.

*Aamir’s fan realizes that Aamir is losing the battle*

Aamir: Hey! How the hell can you forget me? I’m the perfectionist! Muhahahaha!

SRK: And here comes the baldy.

Aamir: What did you call me? You’re a piece of my dog’s $hit, you know that?

AK: Great going, Aamir. Let’s kill him together. HAHA

Aamir: What are you laughing about, you brainless creature. Watch my movies someday and learn some story telling from it. I’m the best!

AK: Then why does your new movie, Ghajini, looks like a tamil movie? And hey, I thought we were together in this battle against SRK.

Aamir: I don’t need anyone, that’s why I kicked Amol from Taare Zameen Par and took all the credit. I’m the real KING. I’ll do the same thing for Ghajini, if it succeeds on box office.

SRK: Give me a break; you are an Idiot of 3 idiots. A dumb@$$.

*Suddenly, Salman Khan’s Fan enters the room in his virtual car and with a picture of Aishwarya in his one hand and his other hand is somewhere down.*

*ND is still busy in collecting the pictures of hot girls*

SK: What the hell is going on? *Closing the zip of his pants*

AK: Ah! Three SRK haters now. It’s fun. Tell him who’s the King, Salman.

SK: I don’t know but it is not SRK. He is one selfish guy who took my Katrina to Dubai on Diwali while I was bursting my crackers alone in my bed, if you know what I mean.

Aamir: Just like you were bursting in your car with Aishwarya’s picture?

SK: Totally, I still remember those good old days. Damn you Abhishek. Anyway, SRK is gay and spends his time with KJO.

*ND completes his collection of hot pictures of hot girls and returns to the chat room.*

*ND reads the whole conversation and decides to act responsibily.*

ND: Why do you guys always fight with each other? Don’t you have anything to do in life?

AK: Yeah, like what? Giving SRK’s movie biased reviews and 5 star ratings, and giving 2 stars to mine? F*ck you.

SK: Yeah, I think SRK gives u his thing behind your thing, if you know what I mean.

ND: Listen people, all those superstars don’t even know you. They’re earning millions and you are wasting your time.

AK: Get lost, you d!ckhead. Let us fight. This is our life and this is what we do.

*SRK, Aamir, and SK say the same thing*

ND: But…

All: Get out, you @#$@%@#^$^$^##%@%@#@

*ND quits the room and now writing a new blog entry about Obama while all 4 morons are still fighting*

So, you see, this is what happens in a so called debate over “The King of Bollywood.” One piece of advice, never participate in such fight coz chances are that you’ll be addicted to it.

And for those poor souls, as I promised earlier and as THE ROCK will say, “It doesn’t matter who’s the KING OF BOLLYWOOD.”

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Do you have any experience of these fights? Do you want to comment on the article or present your views on who’s the real king? Comment box is below. Go for it!
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1. Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi Music Review – Check out the music review of the most awaited movie of 2008.

2. An Indian Woman is Independent – Are you afraid of Independent women? Or do you want to become one? Then read this post.

3. Are you a loser on the internet? – So, do you think you’re one? Is it difficult to answer? Read the post to find out.

4. Dostana Music Review – Find out if it’s worth to buy (download) the songs?
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Oct

Fashion Movie Review

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Fashion

First thing first, Fashion is all about women. An industry where most of the movies are male oriented, finding a movie where ladies give extra-ordinary performances and not being just eye-candies is a rare occasion. Under the creative hands of National Award winning director, Madhur Bhandarkar, who is the master-mind behind movies like Page 3 and Corporate, Fashion comes out and hits you hard with the amount of realism it has.

From casting couch to models taking drugs, from wardrobe malfunction to tremulous relationships, Fashion has everything except the gay kiss scene which Madhur cut out.

Fashion is about a girl from Chandigarh, Meghna Mathur played by Priyanka Chopra, who aspires to be a super-model and comes to Mumbai against her father’s wish. In a city where thousands of people come every day to achieve fame, finding your spot is not an easy task and that too in the Fashion industry. With her competitive attitude and killer looks, Meghna reaches the top with the help of her friends, throwing aside Shonali Gujral (Kangna Ranaut), who is the current show stopper in the fashion industry.

So, does Madhur deliever an outstanding film this time? Let’s find out.

Good Points about Fashion

1. Acting by the ladies – The strongest point of the movie is, undoubtedly, performances by the leading ladies especially that of Priyanka Chopra. This is a role for which any Bollywood actress can die, well not literally. Priyanka finally hits the right chord this time after giving a series of flops. Get ready for award functions darling, 2008 belongs to you. I hope Katrina Kaif will watch this and learn some acting.

The newcomer in the movie, Mugdha Godse, who is playing a role of an unsuccessful model, is a nice surprise. She is confident and can give a run for money to any actress out there.

Kangna performs well as a drug addict and a successful model. But, the modulation in her voice is surely missing which kind of ruins her performance. But, she is the one who walks with full confidence and attitude on the ramp. I totally loved it. Moreover, the wardrobe malfunction scene was brilliantly performed by her.

2. Direction and Cinematography – Indubitably, direction of Fashion by Madhur is top class and keeps you glued to your seat for the whole time. Scenes are beautifully shot and every frame of the movie looks extravagant, thanks to Mahesh Limaye, who is the man behind cinematography.

3. Background Score – Salim-Sulaiman’s background score is haunting which sets the tone for the film and plays an important role in the movie. Songs are nice, especially Mar Jawaan.

4. Realism – Fashion is all about realism and Madhur doesn’t shy away from anything. The best thing I liked about the movie is the portrayal of gay designers. Conundrum of male models to sleep with gay designers in order to get a show and condition of a mother whose son is a gay fashion designer and doesn’t want to marry are brilliantly shown. Drugs and booze are added bonus to the movie.

Bad points about Fashion

1. Slow pace of the movie – When a movie is about 2 hrs and 40 minutes+ long then at least you expect a fast paced movie from the director just like in the case of The Dark Knight but you’ll be disappointed here. About 30+ minutes can be easily cut from Fashion which has no significance in the development of the story and the characters. It’ll surely test your patience.

2. Dubbing – Alright, you’ll not hear complaints about this in other reviews as they don’t discuss technical stuff that much. But, I want to point out the serious problem with dubbing here. Pathetic can be the right word for dubbing of Fashion.

Dialogues are not in sync, and no attention has been paid to the small talk between people. I know most of you don’t care about such minute details but me, as a movie junkie, I do pay attention to such stuff. Why doesn’t Bollywood adopt the sync sound method to record everything on the shooting itself, just like Hollywood?

3. Too many gays – I know many male fashion designers are gays, but seriously, in Fashion, every male designer is being depicted as gay.

4. Arbaaz Khan – Arbaaz Khan is playing the role of Abhijit Sarin, a fashion business tycoon. The role is long and can’t be described as a guest appearance and has a lot of significance in the road to success of Priyanka’s character. And clearly, Arbaaz was not the right choice for this role. He doesn’t show the attitude which was required for this role.

Verdict – Fashion is truly an outstanding experience thanks to brilliant performances and stirring direction by Madhur Bhandarkar. But the slow pace and the length definitely kills some fun from the movie.

Rating –

Cast – Kangna Ranaut, Priyanka Chopra, Arbaaz Khan, and Mugdha Godse

Music Director – Salim-Sulaiman

Movie Director – Madhur Bhandarkar

Do you have anything to say about the movie or do you want to comment on my review? Then feel free to do it by using comment box below and also vote in the poll.

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Must Reads

1. An Indian Woman is Independent – Are you afraid of Independent women? Or do you want to become one? Then read this post.

2. Are you a loser on the internet? – So, do you think you’re one? Is it difficult to answer? Read the post to find out.

3. Fashion Music Review – Find out if it’s worth to buy (download) the songs?

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Aug

Bachna Ae Haseeno Movie Review

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Having an affair with 3 hot girls in one life is just a dream of every guy which is impossible, but not for Ranbir Kapoor, who romances with 3 top beauties in the movie Bachna Ae Haseeno this week.

Bachna Ae Haseeno is about Raj Sharma (Ranbir Kapoor), who falls in love with 3 girls during his life cycle from 18 to 30. First, at the age of 18 in 1996, he meets Mahi (Minissha Lamba) in Switzerland, and like any other teenage guy, all he cares about girls, whom he calls “Maal” (read in Hindi).

Mahi is a girl from Amritsar who has seen DDLJ 17 times and is looking for his real life Raj (played by Shahrukh Khan in DDLJ). In short, Mahi is your girl next door looking for love but sadly, her parents are talking about her engagement. While Mahi is looking for a potential life partner in Raj, Raj on the other hand is trying to be a “Killer” in front of his friends.
Bachna Ae Haseeno

Then Raj meets his second love, Radhika played by Bipasha Basu, in 2002 in Mumbai. Now, Raj is a game developer in Microsoft and living a happy life with his “Live-In” girlfriend Radhika, who wants to make big as an actress.

If you don’t know what “Live-In” means then don’t worry, they tell that too in the movie. Just like with Mahi, Raj is also not serious about Radhika and the problem arises when Microsoft transfers him to Sydney. Rest you can see in the movie, I’ll not spoil the fun.

And now in Sydney in 2007, he meets Gayatri (Deepika Padukone), who is a taxi driver, shopkeeper and a B-school student. Gayatri is dissimilar from all the girls that Ranbir knows and that is what catches his attention. And soon, they start spending time with each other and like previous cases, they both start loving each other. But this time, Raj is serious about Gayatri and wants to marry her, but she doesn’t believe in marriage and dumps him. Ouch!

So who gets Ranbir in the end?

I’ve a better question for you. Whom would you choose from these 3 girls?

1.Mahi – A girl next door who is totally romantic and a future housewife.

2.Radhika – A sexy, hot aspiring actress who has some attitude but believes in true love and can sacrifice her career for marriage.

3.Gayatri – A young independent, honest, well-educated, open-minded and ambitious girl who believes in love and also knows about flavored condoms.

You know the answer, I know the answer and even director knows the answer.

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Now enough of the story, let’s talk about the movie. Before talking about that, I’ve one thing for the director. If you shoot a scene with an actor wearing sunglasses then you’re not supposed to show camera or filming crew in them. Moving on to movie, the power of the movie lies in the first half because it is funny and has only 3 emotional scenes. Rest part is funny and you’ll not be able stop yourself from having a smile during the whole part.

Bachna Ae Haseeno works because of its youth appeal and modern approach towards relationships. Moreover, the chemistry between the actors is great and undoubtedly, Ranbir and Deepika looks the best even if you don’t consider their off-screen relationship. I like the way kisses are being shown as normal in Bollywood movies these days and do watch out for the kiss between Ranbir and Bipasha. You can learn something out of it.

And if you are one of those who consider Kiss and sex against Indian culture then this movie is not for you.

Songs are great of the movie, although I gave 2.5 for the soundtrack, but watching the songs on big screen is a treat in itself. Almost every song fits in the movie but “Lucky Boy” looks like an item number instead of a situational song. Also try to reach on time for the movie because the title song of Bachna Ae haseeno comes in the starting. Believe me, you don’t want to miss that at any cost.

Also, I was surprised to see the way they were talking about games like Halo 3 and technical stuff, but I don’t know if I like it or not especially when Deepika talks about online game play because the expressions that Deepika gives while saying the dialogues come out to be counterfeit.

Bachna Ae Haseeno doesn’t work because of the promotion of other Yash Raj movies during the movie. For example; DDLJ, Dhoom and the way they keep on blabbering about DDLJ during the first 20 minutes. Also, the reference to games doesn’t work just like I said above. Director is trying to be cool and trying to impress the youth. Better luck next time.

One more factor that hinders the growth of the movie is the second part of the movie. It’s slow and filled with too many emotional scenes which contradict the first half. It’s not that I’m against emotional stuff but you’ve to do them in a right way.

Performances

Ranbir Kapoor

Honestly, I’ve never seen Saawariya because of the emetic reviews that critics gave, but they did praise Ranbir Kapoor and now I can see why. This guy is a born romantic hero just like his father, Rishi Kapoor. He carries the movie alone on his shoulders and frankly, this whole movie is about him only. He has a bright future in the industry.

Minissha Lamba and Bipasha Basu

Both of them do perfect justice to their roles but you can feel Preity Zinta’s hangover in Minissha’s performance. Nevertheless, they share great chemistry with Ranbir Kapoor and give you some memorable moments. By the way, Bipasha is hot in this movie, but you know it very well.

Deepika Padukone

I’m quite surprised with the role of Deepika. It seems like she gave a guest performance in the movie. You can hardly see her during the second part. Believe me, she only comes for like 5 minutes in second half and that’s a disgrace because many guys, including me, love her a lot. Also, audience is too eager to watch their favorite off-screen couple on-screen.

Furthermore, you can also feel the lack of intensity in her voice during her dialogues. They just don’t appear to be right, maybe they fucked it up during dubbing. She surely has the talent for acting but she needs a lot of work. Don’t worry Deepika you’re definitely better than Katrina Kaif and many others.

Verdict – Bachna Ae Haseeno is a good entertainer and an amiable romantic comedy. Director has done a good job and so as the actors. Forget about Singh is Kinng and God Tussi Great Ho, go watch this one. It’s not a path breaking film, but it’s definitely value for money movie.

Box-office result – I’m really bemused about this one because of Singh is Kinng. I don’t think God Tussi Great Ho, the second release of this week, will do any good at box office. As it is released on Independence Day, it can surely do good business and can be a hit. Addition to this, eagerness of audience to watch Deepika Padukone and Ranbir Kapoor will draw a lot of crowd. Yash Raj can finally get a hit after couple of box-office blunders.

Showstoppers – Ranbir Kapoor, Deepika Padukone, Bipasha Basu and Minissha Lamba.

Rating – 3 out of 5

Your Views – Post your reviews and comments on Bachna Ae Haseeno Review in the comment box below. Even if you’ve something againt my review, then also post it but keep it clean. I would be glad to reply to your comments.

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Must Read – Why is India a loser in Olympics? – Find out why and give your views.

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Aug

Why is India a loser in Olympics?

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Let’s face the facts; India is the second largest populated country in the world with a population of almost 1 billion. But still, we are unable to produce 11 men who can play some decent football or athletes who can win medals in the Olympics.

It’s sad but it’s true. Even countries like Jamaica perform superior in Olympics than India and it’s a shame for all of us. Hockey used to be our best bet in the Olympics to win Gold medal but we are now out of that too. So whom should we blame for the present conditions of Indian Sports, and how to put a kibosh on these discountenance conditions?

The first reason that comes to mind is the negligence of the other sports due to Cricket. Honestly, I was a big fan of cricket when I was a kid but now, all I see is 11 men running after a ball as if it is one of their balls, if you know what I mean.

The media attention and money given to Cricket players are like a dream for other athletes and if you want to know what it feels like then imagine sleeping with Deepika Padukone in real life but you can’t get her because she is already in bed with Ranbir Kapoor. Sounds unpalatable, right?

Indian media follows cricketers even if they are going to a dentist just like India TV followed MS Dhoni. Due to so much coverage, cricketers always have a pressure to perform well during the matches. But as we all know, no news channel give a shit about athletes, so they don’t bother at all. Even if they win, then also Indian media don’t give a shit.

The other example of Cricket scoring over other sports would be IPL. Everyone knows how much money was spent on the teams and players. Celebrities like Shahrukh Khan, Katrina Kaif, Akshay Kumar, Preity Zinta made a presence during the matches and business tycoons like Mukesh Ambani, Vijay Malya gave so much money to their teams.

If they spend half of that amount on the improvement of other sports, then it would change the whole scenario over-night. Did I mention the cheerleaders that cricketers get? They can definitely motivate the players to perform well. You know the saying, “Behind every successful man, there is a HOT woman with big boobs”.

Enough of the cricket, now let’s move to real culprits, the Sports authorities. Everyone knows that they simply don’t give a fuck about the players. The prime example of this would be the doping case of Monika Devi, who was tested positive during a test. Now she has been freed from those charges but sadly, she can’t take part in the Olympics because it’s too late. This shows how much serious the authorities are.

And God knows what happens to the money that government gives to the authorities to improve the standards. From some particular reason, I believe that all the people working in these committees take that money and put into their Swiss accounts while players are starving on the roads.

The perfect portrayal of this system was in Chak De India, but still, our corrupt authorities are not ashamed of themselves for not having fucking morals and honesty just like Anees Bazmee and Akshay Kumar, who gave us, Singh is Kinng.

As a repercussion of all this, students and sports enthusiastic prefer to keep themselves away from all these sports and concentrate on becoming cricketers, which further downgrade the standards of Indian sports.

At the time of writing, India has already lost a number of competitions in Beijing Olympics 2008, which is a disgrace. Let’s hope our athletes will win some medals and make the head of 1 billion people proud. And I hope some honest politicians like Rahul Gandhi would do something about the state of Indian sports, before it’s too late.

The question is what do you think about this whole issue? What are your views? Who do you think is the culprit? Is it the government, sports authorities or cricket? Post your comments and I’ll put the best ones in the post.

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Aug

Singh is Kinng Movie Review

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How many times have you heard those Santa Banta jokes? I know, a lot of times. But now people might include one more character to Santa Banta and make it trio and that character would be Happy Singh from the movie Singh is Kinng.

Singh is Kinng

Singh is Kinng is about a halfwit Sikh guy, Happy Singh (Akshay Kumar), from a village in Punjab who always cause trouble to village people and they are vexed by his unique ability to cause troubles. So, in order to get rid of him, they pack-off him to Australia to bring underworld King, Lucky Singh (Sonu Sood), back to their village. There he lands into various troubles and meet the love of his life, Sonia (Katrina Kaif), who is already committed.

This is the general outline of the film and to be honest, it is not that “original”. Singh is Kinng is filled with serendipities and misunderstandings. Add a lot of toilet jokes to it, and there you have a typical Anees Bazmee movie. His last movie, Welcome, was a big success, but the same thing can’t be said about the reviews from both the critics and the audience. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, check out IMDB.com, there it only got 5.4/10 rating from 825 votes.

But that was the past, now let’s get back to Singh is Kinng. Honestly speaking, Singh is Kinng is a very competent idea of the director to make huge money, just like with Welcome, without even giving a damn about the audience who pays a lot to watch an amiable and sensible comedy.

From the title of the movie, you expect it to have some different approach to portray Sikhs in the Bollywood movies unlike those movies in which Sikhs are represented as cretinous (idiots). But no, this movie is the same like those movies. I’m a person who believes in providing full liberty to the artist to express his opinions, even if they offend someone.

But, if you give a title Singh is Kinng to a movie, then I expect you to justify the title of the movie. Sadly, this is not the case with this one. No doubt, this movie would be a big hit, but when it comes to morals and honesty towards your work, it falls flat.

Performances

Akshay Kumar

He is undoubtedly the king of comedies and he is proving his worth with every movie. He really gets into the character of Happy Singh, and delivers it with brilliance.

But again, I’ve one question for him. I know you are a popular star now, but why are you pretending to care about the Sikhs? You go on blabbering about Singh is Kinng on award shows and promotional events, but where is your honesty towards the subject?

Just say that, “I only want to make money out of it and I don’t give a shit about anything else. I want to be the King of Bollywood.”

You should use your popularity to do some movies that can send some good message among the youth of India instead of doing such cheap movies. That is the difference between you and Aamir Khan and ShahRukh Khan.

Katrina Kaif

Please someone tell this girl to stop acting. This is one of the worst performances I’ve seen in a long time. She can even make Ayesha Takia’s performance in De Taali as an Oscar worthy performance.

I know you’ve the looks that can make any guy want to be with you in bed and believe me, directors and producers are using you for this reason only. You don’t stand anywhere close to the other female actors in terms of acting like Vidya Balan, Deepika Padukone, Kareena Kapoor, hell you are even worse than Aishwarya Rai and I’m really serious about this.

Please go to some good acting school and learn some acting. You’re just an eye candy in the movies and I don’t think it is a good sign for your career.

Supporting Cast

I’m really mad about the wastage of Ranvir Shorey in this movie. He is one of the best actors to come out from Bollywood in recent times. Why did you waste such a wonderful talent in your movie, Anees Bazmee?

Om Puri shares a good chemistry with Akshay and gives an above average performance. Kirron Kher really stands out in the movie. Javed Jaffrey, Neha Dhupia and Sonu Sood give average performances.

Final Words – Singh is Kinng is your average Akshay Kumar entertainer. Go to the cinema hall without your brain and you’ll enjoy it, although chances are less. Akshay Kumar carries this movie on his shoulders. If you are a diehard fan of Akshay Kumar, then it would be a perfect treat for you. And if you are not, better wait it to come on TV.

One advice to Anees Bazmee – Please stop making such stupid movies and use your talent in a better way. I know you want to make a lot of money, but please, don’t do it on the expense of someone’s feelings and yes, I’m talking about Sikhs. Have some morals and I’m talking to you too, Akshay!

I’m not a religious fanatic and I simply don’t care about anything but not everyone is like me. But I can bet that many Sikh groups would be pissed at this movie. I was going through the reviews of the movie and found one on Sikhnet. Do read it and you’ll see what they think about this one.

Verdict – If brainless and toilet humor is your taste of a good comedy then go watch it. Be my guest. But if your taste is opposite to mentioned above then refrain yourself from this one.

Box-office result – It would be a big hit as I mentioned earlier, considering the hype around this movie. But sometimes, there is something more than just money which is certainly not true for both the director and the actors.

Rating – 2 out of 5

Your views – Post your reviews on the movie as comments in the box below. Or if you’ve something against my review then also post it. I would be glad to reply to it.

Note to readers – I’m not saying that performance of Akshay Kumar was bad or something, I’m just saying that there was no story at all, humor was cheap and it didn’t justify the title of the movie and the promises it made. You can always read the reviews of other critics like that of Rajeev Masand of CNN-IBN.

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Must Read – Why is India a loser in Olympics? – Find out why and give your views.

[digg=http://digg.com/movies/Singh_is_Kinng_Movie_Review_4]

Jul

ShahRukh and Salman Khan Fight

newsdose

Since the man started walking on this Earth, there have been only wars and wars, be it for money, Aishwarya Rai’s husband position, some so called holy place “Kashmir”, or over the Indo-US Nuclear Deal. The prime examples of these wars would be Indo-Pakistani War, War between Rakhi Sawant and Kashmira Shah on Big Boss, fight between Salman, Vivek and Abhishek, or that famous one between Shilpa Shetty and Jade Goody, but, none of them had generated such controversy in the Indian Media as Shah Rukh and Salman fight did.

According to our very own trust-worthy news channels, there was a spat between Shah Rukh Khan and Salman Khan on the birthday party of Katrina Kaif, which was orchestrated by Salman Khan. But, as we all know the true nature of our Sallu Bhai, he couldn’t resist himself from taking shots at Shahrukh. As of now, no one knows what exactly took place between the two Khans, as every newspaper and news channel is giving different story, thus, maintaining the HIGH STANDARDS of Indian news.

But, we at The News Dose, decided to find out what exactly happened. So, in order to achieve the target, we contacted our very own shit jabbering bitch, Rakhi Sawant and asked her to do a show especially for us.

Ladies and their pervert Husbands, I, Rakhi Sawant, would like to welcome you to my chat show, Rakhi 007, on the famous news channel, The News Dose.

Random Guy from crowd: You still alive? I thought I killed you last week after raping you in front of your boyfriend, Abhishek, while he was masturbating to your rape. President of India even gave me Padma Shri for doing this. Fuck!

Rakhi: Don’t be silly, getting raped by perverts like you is my day to day job. Anyways, we’ve lots of celebrities in my show. We’re going to discuss about Shahrukh and Salman fight.

Salman: Shut the fuck up. Where is my alcohol? Don’t you know I can’t live without it even for 2 minutes?

Katrina: Don’t drink please my Sallu, otherwise you would call me Aishwarya Rai and start humping me again. I have feelings you know!

Salman: Feelings my @$$, you can’t even act properly. You’re just an eye-candy in movies.

Akshay Kumar: That’s right. Films score on box-office just because of me, I’m the King.

Rakhi: Stop it please. So, Shahrukh and Salman, what happened that night?

Shahrukh: Here is the conversation took place that night

***********************************************************************
Salman: You know what? You and Karan Johar, both of you are gays.

Shahrukh: And you are a dog of Aishwarya and Katrina.

Salman: O please! I’m the King and everyone knows that.

Shahrukh: Yeah right! You’re the queen of Akshay Kumar.

Akshay: Yes, you are my queen. Let’s go, our room is waiting for us baby.

Aamir: Hey!! How could you guys forget me? I’m the perfectionist! You both suck balls of Karan and Akshay.

Salman: And you use your gay nephew Imran Khan to introduce yourself to sluts, right Aamir?

***********************************************************************
Rakhi: Ok, that sounds believable. I believe anything in which people insult Aamir.

Aamir: Die you slut!

Rakhi: Shut up baldy. Now, we’ll do something different. We’ve the editor of Mumbai Mirror, the newspaper which published this news first.

Editor: Thank you, thank you.

Random guy: Fuck you moron, I wiped my ass with your newspaper, you know that?

Editor: Yes, this is why we publish our newspaper. It helps to clean and see your ass. That is why there is Mirror in the name.

News Dose: Why did you publish such atrocious news without even checking the real story?

Editor: This is because our team is filled with nincompoops who like to write stuff using their ghoulish creativity, just like News Dose. Moreover, it helps people to wipe their asses, which is our main motive.

Rakhi: Do people wipe their penis when you publish something about me?

Random Guy: O yes we do! Especially after masturbating.

Rakhi: Yippee!!!!

News Dose: Ok, now I’ll ask couple of questions to Rediff.com’s editor and the commenters (Indian Men) on that site.

Rediff: Don’t ask me anything. I’m just like the editor of Mumbai Mirror. A complete chowder head.

News Dose: So, the turn is of Indian Men.

Indian Men: Bring it Bitch!

News Dose: Why do you love Salman Khan so much?

Indian Men: Salman is like God to us. He is our role model. He is the one who teaches us how to be a pervert and have affair with girls who are almost half of our age. He also shows the holy path to beat up our girlfriends/wives and also to kill poor people and animals.

You should try his book, “1000 ways to beat your girlfriend and still remain out of jail”. I tell you, that book opened my eyes. I’ve tried all the methods mentioned in the book and I’m really proud of myself.

News Dose: And why do you hate Shahrukh so much?

Indian Men: He is the one who tells us how to respect your wife, kids and other ladies and how not to act like a pervert. He is not an INDIAN MAN. He is a disgrace to our INDIAN SOCIETY.

He is earning millions of dollars while we are sitting at our home and masturbating to Katrina’s, “Zara Zara Touch me”. This is unfair to pervert Indian men.

So, in order to cope up with this frustration, we say that he can’t act and he is over-rated while we are the ones who’ve never even acted in a single movie in our whole life and yet, we consider ourselves as the top actors.

But wait, we are the directors, you know how? We make mms scandals of our girlfriends/wives and upload it on desi sites. It is our first step to become Sanjay Leela Bhansali. PERVERT INDIAN MEN for the win!!

Random Guy: I would like to say something to Aamir. From where the hell did you come in this whole fight, huh! Trying to be a peace maker now? Die you useless creature created by God. You and Salman take a room and make a sex tape. And then send it to your gay fans. Die! Die!

News Dose: Before Random Guy does something stupid, we’ve to end this show. Thank you for watching and I hope you’ve learnt the lesson.

Don’t trust the Indian Media and don’t give a shit about this fight. There are more serious issues in this world than this.

*************************************************************

Serious note – All the stuff mentioned is made up by our astute writer who doesn’t have anything to do in life. If you didn’t like it then just don’t pay attention to it and move on.

And one thing to both actors, stop the fight and patch up. People love both of you.

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Also read – Bachna Ae Haseeno Movie Review

[digg=http://digg.com/celebrity/ShahRukh_and_Salman_Khan_Fight]

Jul

Indian Politics – A True Wonder

newsdose

We all know about the Seven Wonders of the World, but if we get a chance to add one more item to that consequential list, then that would be, undoubtedly, The Indian Politics. It is one piece of shit which, we the people of India love to hate, even more than John Abraham’s acting, Rakhi Sawant’s annoying voice and Ekta Kapoor’s unpalatable serials.

Although maneuvering a country is reckoned to be the most important job, but in India, you don’t need to pass IIT, AIEEE or even the Fifth grade to enter in politics. All you need is to perpetrate couple of murders, ten rapes with additional 5 gang rapes for higher political positions, ability to backstab anyone at any given time even during masturbation, wherewithal to throw shoes, tomatoes etc at each other during parliament sessions and the last and the most important, knowledge to operate a basic computer with broadband connection in order to start Swiss accounts to deposit all the money robbed from poor people, download porn from desi sites and to write poisonous compact disks against other religions so as to start riots.

NewsDose: So, in order to make the youth of India more familiar with this cunt eating government job and the current problems of India, The News Dose in association with AajTak and CNN-IBN, has organized a special program for the viewers, “Indian Politics – Fuck Me? Fuck You!”

CNN-IBN: We would like to welcome all the politicians and the celebrities who cared to come on this show.

*Rented Youth audience ready with eggs, tomatoes, buckets full of piss and shit and DVDs of Tashan to throw at the politicians.*

NewsDose: So, we are going to start with the hot burning topic of the Nation, The Nuclear Deal, and the first question goes to CPIM leader, Sitaram Yechury, who is opposing this deal. Why are you so much against this deal?

Sitaram Yechury: Well, first of all I want to say that I don’t have any problem with the Congress. It is the US people whom I hate the most.

NewsDose: What is the reason behind so much hate?

Sitaram Yechury: I requested George W Bush to send me a copy of Playboy on my birthday, but he refused to do it. Then I asked the owner of the magazine, Hugh Hefner, to start the magazine in India. He also refused my request. You tell me, they can read our Love Book, The Kama sutra, then why can’t they start this titillating magazine for the perverts Indian men. Don’t you think it is unfair?

Rakhi Sawant: Yes, it is totally unfair for the Indian women too, especially like me. I also want to pose nude for the magazine so that Indian men can buy it and start playing with their dicks and then cum on my face, on my pictures that is.

Random Guy from the audience: Take off your clothes slut; I’ll shoot you with both my camera and my dick.

*Rakhi happy and taking the random guy in the corner*

Sonia Gandhi: I can be a Playboy model for you, if you agree to support us with nuclear deal, ok Sitaram?

Sitaram Yechury: Fuck Yeah! Now you are talking!

*Left and Congress celebrating*

CNN-IBN: Phew, one issue is solved. So, let’s move on to next issue, Inflation. Anyone wants to ask a question to Mr. Chidambaram?

Amar Singh: Yes, I’ve a question. Why prices of commodities are rising even faster than Abhishek’s dick, when he saw Aishwarya naked for the first time?

NewsDose: How do you know about Abhishek’s dick? Is there any sex tape that we don’t know?

Amar Singh: I know everything, you ass hole NewsDose. He is Amitabh’s son and genetically, their dick rising speed matches. And how do I know Amitabh’s speed? Well, we always share the room and kick out Jaya Bachan. I measured his speed when he saw me naked for the first time.

*Amar Singh and Amitabh blushing*

Amitabh: I hope all the youngsters sitting here are learning something.

Random Guy from the audience: Yeah oldie with a booby, I’ve learnt that, how to be a gay at the age of 60.

*Youngistan cheering for the Random Guy*

*Random guy again busy in shooting Rakhi Sawant*

NewsDose: Dr. Manmohan Singh, you are very quiet today, what is the deal?

Manmohan: Actually, Sonia madam has gone with Sitaram, so, I’m waiting for her to come and tell me what to speak.

AajTak: Where is the hell is, The Great Khali? He is not interested in politics? Damn! Listen guys, we’ve to make a one hour show on this issue. We’ll call it, “Khali tune kiya videshi slut ko kiss to bhool gaya India ki politics?”

Youngistan: Go and suck Khali’s dick, you motherfucking TV channel.

NewsDose: Ok, now we’ve Raghu Ram with us. He is here to ask the youth of India a couple of questions.

Raghu: Ok the guy in pink shirt, come here.

*Pinku going to stage*

Raghu: So tell me, what do you want to become in life?

Pinku: I want to clear IIT, AIEEE and all the entrance exams and then become an engineer.

Raghu: Great! Which engineer?

Pinku: Hmmm I haven’t decided it yet, I’m confused between software, mechanical, civil and Electronic. Can you give any suggestion? Don’t tell me to enter politics; I hate this piece of shit.

Raghu: Yes, I’ve a suggestion, go fuck yourself motherfucker. People like you are of no use to this country. I want to be an engineer, what engineer? I don’t know. This is the future of India? Go and die you cock sucker.

CNN-IBN: Cool down Raghu, they are just wannabe engineers just like Tusshar Kapoor, Zayed Khan and Katrina Kaif, who are wannabe actors.

Raghu: Yeah, I understand. Even those 20 sluts in Splitsvilla are better than these doltish assholes. At least, they know that they want to be money grubbing whores for the rest of their lives.

*Youngistan protesting against Raghu and NewsDose because becoming an Engineer or a Doctor is religion to them.*

Youngistan: You both assholes, you never cleared any exam yourself and you are telling us to do what with our lives? Die losers!

Raghu: We are doing this for the welfare of our country. We need creative minds, not coolies like you.

*Youngistan running after Raghu and NewsDose to kill them*

*Manmohan still waiting for Sonia Gandhi to come from her Playboy photo shoot, so that he can say something.*

*Random guy almost died after giving so many shots to Rakhi. She never gets satisfied.*

CNN-IBN: This is the end of the first part of our show, “Indian Politics- Fuck Me? Fuck You!” We’ll come back later with more politics, celebrities and latest scandals including Aarushi Murder case. Ciao.

[digg=http://digg.com/comedy/Indian_Politics_A_True_Wonder]

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