Archive for the Category »Rakhi Sawant «

Aug

After celebrating Diwali couple of months back in Jaipur, tourists or as many say “terrorists”, decided to celebrate Diwali in Bangalore and Ahmedabad, and this time, they planned it big. They spent huge amount of money on crackers or as you say “bombs” and first rocked Bangalore, The Silicon Valley of India, and then, rocked Ahmedabad on the very next day, and thus, killing more than 50 people.

bomb blasts

If that was not enough, police found more than 19 bombs in Surat, and the number is still rising in different cities. Before we start blaming the terrorists, we’ve to see what our Police and Intelligence services are doing and honestly, I really doubt their intelligence. They can even put our Pappu, who is Paanchvi fail, to mortification and yes, I’m again referring to “Kya Aap Paanchvi Paas se Tez Hain?”

If Pappu can dance salla then why can’t you protect our country, assholes?

Before going to terrorists, let us talk about our mutton headed politicians. And this time, to make their head proud and to maintain the doltish standards of Indian Politicians, Sushma Swaraj, the ugly bitch, started blaming UPA for the blasts. Let me tell you something Sushma, if you can’t help our country and solace the victims in anyway then you better shut the fuck up and sit down on your dirty ass.

Icing on the cake was that no other leader of BJP came in support of her statement. Mr. LK Advani, the guy who is almost ready to go to his grave, was silent and didn’t give any statement on the whole blame game. But, during the parliament session, he was shouting as if his life was dependent upon it.

The one and only one good thing that happened during the whole scene was the unity of Manmohan Singh and Narendra Modi, even if it was for a short time.

Manmohan Singh and Narendra Modi

Before talking about terrorists and their motives, let us talk about the equivalence between Ram Gopal Verma’s Contract and the blasts. According to Indian news channels, there is a lot of similarity in this reel life and real life situation. Movies are giving ideas to terrorists, as stated by the Indian Media. But, I’ve a different opinion on this whole similarity issue.

If you ask me, terrorists got so thwarted by the movie that they decided to give India what they deserve for making such a crappy movie. In an interview given to The News Dose they said, “We got into so much trouble in obtaining the pirated copy of this movie and he gave us this shit? Fuck you RGV”.

That being said let us now finally move to terrorists. What are their motives? Why are they trying to rock India instead of rocking out with their cocks out in front of Rakhi Sawant’s picture?

In general, they do it because of religion, and I’m not a biased person who’ll say that they were Muslims. Instead of that, I’ll consider them as people who believe in God but sadly, they all are religious fanatics. They think that by killing people of other religions, they are going to impress their God and become heroes.

But, the thing they don’t realize is that, God is only one and by killing innocent people, they would not become any heroes. They are just motherfucking cowards who are too afraid to come out in open and fight face to face. God is not going to forgive for what you did to innocent people, but they are too dumb to understand this.

They think that killing innocent people is the only path to God and the people who bring such thinking into them are our politicians and religious leaders. According to me, you all will spared by God if you start licking Sushma Swaraj’s dirty ass.

In the end, there are some questions left unanswered.

1. Are we really safe in India?

2. Are our police and intelligence services doing any good for our safety?

3. Who are promoting these terrorists in India, Political leaders or Religious leaders?

Do you have opinions or answers to these questions? Post them as comments in the comment box below while I listen to “Yeh Jo Des hai tera” from the movie, “Swades” and pray for the innocent people especially the ladies in the image below. Die you cocksuckers terrorists.

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Help and pray for all the victims of the bomb blasts.

bomb blasts in ahmedabad and bangalore

Bomb blasts
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Also read – Indian Politics – A True Wonder

[digg=http://digg.com/politics/Blasts_in_Bangalore_and_Ahmedabad]

Jul

ShahRukh and Salman Khan Fight

newsdose

Since the man started walking on this Earth, there have been only wars and wars, be it for money, Aishwarya Rai’s husband position, some so called holy place “Kashmir”, or over the Indo-US Nuclear Deal. The prime examples of these wars would be Indo-Pakistani War, War between Rakhi Sawant and Kashmira Shah on Big Boss, fight between Salman, Vivek and Abhishek, or that famous one between Shilpa Shetty and Jade Goody, but, none of them had generated such controversy in the Indian Media as Shah Rukh and Salman fight did.

According to our very own trust-worthy news channels, there was a spat between Shah Rukh Khan and Salman Khan on the birthday party of Katrina Kaif, which was orchestrated by Salman Khan. But, as we all know the true nature of our Sallu Bhai, he couldn’t resist himself from taking shots at Shahrukh. As of now, no one knows what exactly took place between the two Khans, as every newspaper and news channel is giving different story, thus, maintaining the HIGH STANDARDS of Indian news.

But, we at The News Dose, decided to find out what exactly happened. So, in order to achieve the target, we contacted our very own shit jabbering bitch, Rakhi Sawant and asked her to do a show especially for us.

Ladies and their pervert Husbands, I, Rakhi Sawant, would like to welcome you to my chat show, Rakhi 007, on the famous news channel, The News Dose.

Random Guy from crowd: You still alive? I thought I killed you last week after raping you in front of your boyfriend, Abhishek, while he was masturbating to your rape. President of India even gave me Padma Shri for doing this. Fuck!

Rakhi: Don’t be silly, getting raped by perverts like you is my day to day job. Anyways, we’ve lots of celebrities in my show. We’re going to discuss about Shahrukh and Salman fight.

Salman: Shut the fuck up. Where is my alcohol? Don’t you know I can’t live without it even for 2 minutes?

Katrina: Don’t drink please my Sallu, otherwise you would call me Aishwarya Rai and start humping me again. I have feelings you know!

Salman: Feelings my @$$, you can’t even act properly. You’re just an eye-candy in movies.

Akshay Kumar: That’s right. Films score on box-office just because of me, I’m the King.

Rakhi: Stop it please. So, Shahrukh and Salman, what happened that night?

Shahrukh: Here is the conversation took place that night

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Salman: You know what? You and Karan Johar, both of you are gays.

Shahrukh: And you are a dog of Aishwarya and Katrina.

Salman: O please! I’m the King and everyone knows that.

Shahrukh: Yeah right! You’re the queen of Akshay Kumar.

Akshay: Yes, you are my queen. Let’s go, our room is waiting for us baby.

Aamir: Hey!! How could you guys forget me? I’m the perfectionist! You both suck balls of Karan and Akshay.

Salman: And you use your gay nephew Imran Khan to introduce yourself to sluts, right Aamir?

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Rakhi: Ok, that sounds believable. I believe anything in which people insult Aamir.

Aamir: Die you slut!

Rakhi: Shut up baldy. Now, we’ll do something different. We’ve the editor of Mumbai Mirror, the newspaper which published this news first.

Editor: Thank you, thank you.

Random guy: Fuck you moron, I wiped my ass with your newspaper, you know that?

Editor: Yes, this is why we publish our newspaper. It helps to clean and see your ass. That is why there is Mirror in the name.

News Dose: Why did you publish such atrocious news without even checking the real story?

Editor: This is because our team is filled with nincompoops who like to write stuff using their ghoulish creativity, just like News Dose. Moreover, it helps people to wipe their asses, which is our main motive.

Rakhi: Do people wipe their penis when you publish something about me?

Random Guy: O yes we do! Especially after masturbating.

Rakhi: Yippee!!!!

News Dose: Ok, now I’ll ask couple of questions to Rediff.com’s editor and the commenters (Indian Men) on that site.

Rediff: Don’t ask me anything. I’m just like the editor of Mumbai Mirror. A complete chowder head.

News Dose: So, the turn is of Indian Men.

Indian Men: Bring it Bitch!

News Dose: Why do you love Salman Khan so much?

Indian Men: Salman is like God to us. He is our role model. He is the one who teaches us how to be a pervert and have affair with girls who are almost half of our age. He also shows the holy path to beat up our girlfriends/wives and also to kill poor people and animals.

You should try his book, “1000 ways to beat your girlfriend and still remain out of jail”. I tell you, that book opened my eyes. I’ve tried all the methods mentioned in the book and I’m really proud of myself.

News Dose: And why do you hate Shahrukh so much?

Indian Men: He is the one who tells us how to respect your wife, kids and other ladies and how not to act like a pervert. He is not an INDIAN MAN. He is a disgrace to our INDIAN SOCIETY.

He is earning millions of dollars while we are sitting at our home and masturbating to Katrina’s, “Zara Zara Touch me”. This is unfair to pervert Indian men.

So, in order to cope up with this frustration, we say that he can’t act and he is over-rated while we are the ones who’ve never even acted in a single movie in our whole life and yet, we consider ourselves as the top actors.

But wait, we are the directors, you know how? We make mms scandals of our girlfriends/wives and upload it on desi sites. It is our first step to become Sanjay Leela Bhansali. PERVERT INDIAN MEN for the win!!

Random Guy: I would like to say something to Aamir. From where the hell did you come in this whole fight, huh! Trying to be a peace maker now? Die you useless creature created by God. You and Salman take a room and make a sex tape. And then send it to your gay fans. Die! Die!

News Dose: Before Random Guy does something stupid, we’ve to end this show. Thank you for watching and I hope you’ve learnt the lesson.

Don’t trust the Indian Media and don’t give a shit about this fight. There are more serious issues in this world than this.

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Serious note – All the stuff mentioned is made up by our astute writer who doesn’t have anything to do in life. If you didn’t like it then just don’t pay attention to it and move on.

And one thing to both actors, stop the fight and patch up. People love both of you.

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Also read – Bachna Ae Haseeno Movie Review

[digg=http://digg.com/celebrity/ShahRukh_and_Salman_Khan_Fight]

Jul

Adulteration in India

newsdose

Technically, Adulteration means when corrupt men mix poisonous and cheap substances in our food products, but, I used to use this term, when a 17 year old boy comes out of his nappy and becomes a man. It is one day for which every boy waits for but the same thing can’t be said about girls as they want to look 16 even at the age of 60. Sounds weird? Read on.

It just feels like today when I, myself, got adulterated. At that time, it would mean that, no longer would I have to worry about opening a porn site and watching the “Adults Only” logo, no longer would I have to worry about humiliation if someone catches me while watching that porn. It would also mean that, I could go to the terrace of my home in my towel and start singing, “Jab Se Tere Naina” from the crappiest movie, “Saawariya” and no longer would I have to worry about the girl/boy next door staring and fantasizing about my thing when I drop that towel.

It would mean that, no longer would I have to worry about Police kicking my ass for catching me driving without a license. It also meant that, I could go to any shop and ask for a condom without feeling ashamed, unlike many Indian men, and it would also mean that, no longer would I have to consider masturbation as a sin, since, as per the Indian laws, I was officially an ADULT.

But, these were just hypothetical situations, which I don’t give a damn about. The things which I’ll mention now were the ones I was really excited about.

1. Right to Vote

I was made to believe that, once I get my right to vote, I can vote any person I like, whom I think will do best for my country without taking any bribe, without raping a 10 year old girl and without murdering any poor guy. They also convinced me to believe in the fact that, the person I’ll choose will be highly educated and a perfect gentleman. On the top of that, they told me that, the elections and the votes will be counted with pure honesty.

But, when the elections came, I saw the reality. I came to know that, no matter for which motherfucker I vote, only that will win who has a bigger gun or a large bank balance in his Swiss account. And if he has the skills to start a riot on the name of religion, language, or caste, then even God can’t defeat him in the elections.

2. Singing talent shows

I conjectured that, once I win any of the singing competition on the ground of my singing talent, I’ll get all the money, my name will be on everyone’s lips, girls will run after me just like they run after Imran Khan and people will go to the music stores to buy my music CDs and then I’ll be India’s 50 Cent.

But to my surprise, I came to know that, you don’t win on the basis of your talent, you win on the account of your state, religion and caste. If your state and caste people support you, then it doesn’t matter if you are the worst singer in the whole India, even more than Himesh Reshammiya, you’ll still win hands down. But, after that, no one will give a shit about you.

Your music video will be on a TV channel for a couple of months and then again, you’ll be an asshole who you were earlier. Then, other TV channels will invite you to compete against the winners of other reality shows. In short, you’ll be a fucked up retard for the rest of your life.

3. 18+ Stuff

I surmised that, I would go to the PVR with my broad chest and would buy the ticket of Sex and the City, as I’m an adult now. Moreover, I also deduced that no longer would I have to worry about the “Parental Advisory” logo on the Hip Hop music CDs.

But to my surprise again, I came to know that, even a 14 year old kid can buy the ticket of Sex and the city and can purely ignore the “Adult” certificate given to the movie. He can call his girlfriend a bitch or a whore and can sing, “I want to fuck you” for her, while she is busy doing her make-up and trying to garner attention of other guys just like Deepika Padukone and Bipasha Basu.

And all this forced me to ask some questions to myself? What the hell has happened to all of us? What are we doing to help our country? Is this the future of our country?

Then some of my friends came to me and said, “Shut the fuck up man, this is India Meri Jaan”.

And this took me to the conclusion that we don’t have to be 18 to become an Adult. We get adulterated from the starting of our lives, or in other words, corrupt men pollute us with poisonous and cheap substances.

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All the conditions and situations mentioned above represent the general experiences and overall scenario of the adults of India and they have nothing to do with the personal experiences of the author.
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[digg=http://digg.com/comedy/Adulteration_in_India]

Jul

Indian Politics – A True Wonder

newsdose

We all know about the Seven Wonders of the World, but if we get a chance to add one more item to that consequential list, then that would be, undoubtedly, The Indian Politics. It is one piece of shit which, we the people of India love to hate, even more than John Abraham’s acting, Rakhi Sawant’s annoying voice and Ekta Kapoor’s unpalatable serials.

Although maneuvering a country is reckoned to be the most important job, but in India, you don’t need to pass IIT, AIEEE or even the Fifth grade to enter in politics. All you need is to perpetrate couple of murders, ten rapes with additional 5 gang rapes for higher political positions, ability to backstab anyone at any given time even during masturbation, wherewithal to throw shoes, tomatoes etc at each other during parliament sessions and the last and the most important, knowledge to operate a basic computer with broadband connection in order to start Swiss accounts to deposit all the money robbed from poor people, download porn from desi sites and to write poisonous compact disks against other religions so as to start riots.

NewsDose: So, in order to make the youth of India more familiar with this cunt eating government job and the current problems of India, The News Dose in association with AajTak and CNN-IBN, has organized a special program for the viewers, “Indian Politics – Fuck Me? Fuck You!”

CNN-IBN: We would like to welcome all the politicians and the celebrities who cared to come on this show.

*Rented Youth audience ready with eggs, tomatoes, buckets full of piss and shit and DVDs of Tashan to throw at the politicians.*

NewsDose: So, we are going to start with the hot burning topic of the Nation, The Nuclear Deal, and the first question goes to CPIM leader, Sitaram Yechury, who is opposing this deal. Why are you so much against this deal?

Sitaram Yechury: Well, first of all I want to say that I don’t have any problem with the Congress. It is the US people whom I hate the most.

NewsDose: What is the reason behind so much hate?

Sitaram Yechury: I requested George W Bush to send me a copy of Playboy on my birthday, but he refused to do it. Then I asked the owner of the magazine, Hugh Hefner, to start the magazine in India. He also refused my request. You tell me, they can read our Love Book, The Kama sutra, then why can’t they start this titillating magazine for the perverts Indian men. Don’t you think it is unfair?

Rakhi Sawant: Yes, it is totally unfair for the Indian women too, especially like me. I also want to pose nude for the magazine so that Indian men can buy it and start playing with their dicks and then cum on my face, on my pictures that is.

Random Guy from the audience: Take off your clothes slut; I’ll shoot you with both my camera and my dick.

*Rakhi happy and taking the random guy in the corner*

Sonia Gandhi: I can be a Playboy model for you, if you agree to support us with nuclear deal, ok Sitaram?

Sitaram Yechury: Fuck Yeah! Now you are talking!

*Left and Congress celebrating*

CNN-IBN: Phew, one issue is solved. So, let’s move on to next issue, Inflation. Anyone wants to ask a question to Mr. Chidambaram?

Amar Singh: Yes, I’ve a question. Why prices of commodities are rising even faster than Abhishek’s dick, when he saw Aishwarya naked for the first time?

NewsDose: How do you know about Abhishek’s dick? Is there any sex tape that we don’t know?

Amar Singh: I know everything, you ass hole NewsDose. He is Amitabh’s son and genetically, their dick rising speed matches. And how do I know Amitabh’s speed? Well, we always share the room and kick out Jaya Bachan. I measured his speed when he saw me naked for the first time.

*Amar Singh and Amitabh blushing*

Amitabh: I hope all the youngsters sitting here are learning something.

Random Guy from the audience: Yeah oldie with a booby, I’ve learnt that, how to be a gay at the age of 60.

*Youngistan cheering for the Random Guy*

*Random guy again busy in shooting Rakhi Sawant*

NewsDose: Dr. Manmohan Singh, you are very quiet today, what is the deal?

Manmohan: Actually, Sonia madam has gone with Sitaram, so, I’m waiting for her to come and tell me what to speak.

AajTak: Where is the hell is, The Great Khali? He is not interested in politics? Damn! Listen guys, we’ve to make a one hour show on this issue. We’ll call it, “Khali tune kiya videshi slut ko kiss to bhool gaya India ki politics?”

Youngistan: Go and suck Khali’s dick, you motherfucking TV channel.

NewsDose: Ok, now we’ve Raghu Ram with us. He is here to ask the youth of India a couple of questions.

Raghu: Ok the guy in pink shirt, come here.

*Pinku going to stage*

Raghu: So tell me, what do you want to become in life?

Pinku: I want to clear IIT, AIEEE and all the entrance exams and then become an engineer.

Raghu: Great! Which engineer?

Pinku: Hmmm I haven’t decided it yet, I’m confused between software, mechanical, civil and Electronic. Can you give any suggestion? Don’t tell me to enter politics; I hate this piece of shit.

Raghu: Yes, I’ve a suggestion, go fuck yourself motherfucker. People like you are of no use to this country. I want to be an engineer, what engineer? I don’t know. This is the future of India? Go and die you cock sucker.

CNN-IBN: Cool down Raghu, they are just wannabe engineers just like Tusshar Kapoor, Zayed Khan and Katrina Kaif, who are wannabe actors.

Raghu: Yeah, I understand. Even those 20 sluts in Splitsvilla are better than these doltish assholes. At least, they know that they want to be money grubbing whores for the rest of their lives.

*Youngistan protesting against Raghu and NewsDose because becoming an Engineer or a Doctor is religion to them.*

Youngistan: You both assholes, you never cleared any exam yourself and you are telling us to do what with our lives? Die losers!

Raghu: We are doing this for the welfare of our country. We need creative minds, not coolies like you.

*Youngistan running after Raghu and NewsDose to kill them*

*Manmohan still waiting for Sonia Gandhi to come from her Playboy photo shoot, so that he can say something.*

*Random guy almost died after giving so many shots to Rakhi. She never gets satisfied.*

CNN-IBN: This is the end of the first part of our show, “Indian Politics- Fuck Me? Fuck You!” We’ll come back later with more politics, celebrities and latest scandals including Aarushi Murder case. Ciao.

[digg=http://digg.com/comedy/Indian_Politics_A_True_Wonder]

May

Rakhi Ka Phone Aaya – New Lesbian TV SHOW

newsdose

The growing craze of IPL has sabotaged the whole business of Reality Shows in India. Prior to IPL, you could see a new homosexual Reality Show every other day. Some of the prime examples of these shows are Star Voice of India, Indian Idol, KBC, Big Boss, Koffee with Karan. I got so inspired from this craze that even I tried to start my own TV Shows. I contacted India TV and they asked me to send some ideas about the shows. Here is a small list of the shows that I wanted to start…

1) Big Bitch
2) Kaun Banega Rakhi Sawant ka Pati (Host: Her used up condom boyfriend Abhishek)
3) Booze with Bobby Darling
4) Cunt Voice of India (Judges: Himesh Reshammiya, Anu Malik and a Dildo ready to fuck that cunt voice)
5) Kya aap Ass se tez hain? (Host: The Ass himself “Mahesh Bhatt”)

But sadly, IPL ruined my plans. But, Zee Television has decided to start their own lesbo Talk Show with Rakhi Sawant as the host. It is called “Rakhi Ka Phone Aaya”. The main motive behind this step is to destroy IPL with the help of big boobs of Rakhi, as this is what Indian Men crave for, even more than Cricket. Producer of the show asked me to see the shoot. How could I say no to such a momentous event in the history of FUCKED UP INDIAN TELEVISION? The show is expected to start with a bang like a gang bang, with as many as 11 stars together on the stage showing their banging skills. I went to the shooting and here is what I saw.

Rakhi: Welcome all of you to my pussy licking show, “Rakhi Ka Phone Aaya”.

Random guy from the rented audience: Die nameless Bitch!

* Rakhi blushing, Producer smiling as he thinks it’ll increase the TRP”

*TRP – Total Request Porn*

Rakhi: Thank you sir and I also welcome the Celebrity Guests of the evening.

*Rented audience clapping as they were given free booze and chicken to do this*

Rakhi: So my first question is for Shahrukh. How are you feeling after losing the battle of the favourite Krazzy 4 item number?

SRK: I didn’t lose the battle. I gave you the title…

Rakhi: Oh please, everyone knows that I’m the ITEM of Bollywood!

Random guy from rented audience: Yeah you’re the ITEM, how much do you charge for one night bitch?

Rakhi: Rs 10 for twosome sex, Rs 20 for threesome and Rs 30 for Group Sex…

Shambhavi(Roadie): I charge only Rs 5 coz I’d already fucked all the guys on MTV ROADIES

Bobby Darling: I’m free!

*Random guy confused between so many sluts*

Rakhi: Shut up Bitches; let’s move on to Hrithik… I heard you’re becoming a father for the second time… how are you feeling? Don’t you have any self-control?

Hrithik: Actually third baby is also coming…

Rakhi: Susan is having twins?

Hrithik: No, Actually I’m doing a kiss scene with this Hollywood slut…

Rakhi: Baby from a kiss?

Hrithik: This is how Indians make babies right? Raja Hindustani anyone?

Aamir: No piece of shit, I’m so perfect that no one came to know when I fucked Karishma… I’m the Number 1 MUAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

Rakhi: Shut up you baldy shit.. Did you shave your pubes too?

Aamir: I shaved your pubes when YOU, ME AUR HUM were having a threesome

Rakhi: Fuck off… now let’s talk to Abhishek and Aishwarya… So Ash, tell us about your Big Boob Show at Cannes… What were you thinking? Trying to beat me in Boob size?

Aishwarya: I wanted to show Salman and Vivek “THE STUFF” that they’ve missed!!

Abhishek: I wanted to tell Rani Mukherjee and Karishma about “THE STUFF” that I got by marrying Ash!!

*A big pole is visible in Salman’s skinny jean while Rani is looking under her bra…*

*Random guy got caught masturbating to Ash’s Cannes picture*

*Aishwarya blushing, Rakhi Jealous…*

Rakhi: So Saif, you seem to be pretty angry about your sister’s pictures in the Maxim Magazine… Why were you not angry when Kareena did the same thing for FHM..?

Saif: Well, I’m Kareena’s dog and I don’t want to repeat the mistakes of her ex-dog “Shahid Kapoor”… I’m really insecure about Kareena… I get to fuck her in doggy-style you see!!

Kareena: Yeah, Saif is my dog, people put collars around their dogs, and I got him a tattoo saying “Kareena”…

*Rakhi impressed and now looking towards her dog Abhishek*

*Random guy still running from police with his cum on Ash’s picture*

Bobby Darling(dreaming): O yeah! O yeahhh!! Fuck me Shahid! Fuck me! Fuck me with your 3 inch dick!!

Rakhi: Wake up bitch from your faggot dream… and I think you told us the reason why Kareena left her ex-dog.

*Kareena proudly touching 4 inch dick of Saif*

Rakhi: So Raghu, first of all congrats for the success of Roadies 5.0, finally you gave two new sluts to Bollywood, “ANMOL and SHAMBHAVI”.. anyways what are your views about Aarushi Murder Case?

Raghu: I think they gave the case to CBI for further investigation..

Rakhi: Wait, CBI? CUNTLESS BITCHES INSTITUTE?

*Raghu bangs his head on the wall and starts crying*

Rakhi: Cry Baby… and how can we forget our Deepika Padukone and Ranbir Kapoor? How are you? You look really cute with each other… So how many times have you fucked each other?

Deepika: I’m still a virgin… I really love Ranbir and I’ll make love with him after our marriage…

*Random guy announces the latest mms scandal… Deepika giving Yuvraj a blow job*

*Deepika deleting Yuvraj’s naked wallpaper from her mobile*

* Now a pole is visible in Ranbir’s skinny jean*

And this is how the show ended. It was one hell of a night. No wonder it’ll beat IPL in TRP! Make sure to watch it and have a blast.

Rating – SHOW IS FOR ADULTS ONLY

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News to confirm the show
http://sify.com/movies/bollywood/fullstory.php?id=14681152
http://www.mid-day.com/web/guest/entertainment/bollywood/article?_EXT_5_articleId=1146774&_EXT_5_groupId=14
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[digg=http://digg.com/celebrity/Rakhi_Ka_Phone_Aaya_New_Lesbian_TV_SHOW]

May

Aarushi – An unheard Voice of India

newsdose

In India, we give a lot of reverence to women. Whenever an Indian man talks about his culture, the first thing that you’ll hear from his shit jabbering mouth is the high position of women in India and the holy ways with which a typical Indian man treats a woman. And if by holy he means:

20 men molesting 2 girls on new year’s eve, or a woman being beaten up so much by the villagers that she starts looking like a lame version of Bobby Darling or 6 men gang raping a 10 year old girl or a boyfriend making a mms scandal of his girlfriend behind her back while she gives him the best blow job of his life?

Then Yes Sir!, Indian men are experts in giving such holy respect to women.

And to make the Indian Man’s head proud, the latest addition to the famous Holy book, “100 Ways to give respect to Indian Women”, is to kill your daughter when she comes to know about your affair with an outside bitch. On May 16, a school girl named “Aarushi” was found dead in her room. Her parents called up the famous INDIAN POLICE and put all the blame on their servant “Hemraj”, who was from Nepal. Before going any further, let me tell you about another famous book in India, “100 ways to put all the blame on a Nepali servant”, a must buy for all the criminals in India.

So after a lot of investigation by our Indian Police, they finally found the body of Hemraj. Now according to our Indian police and media, the murderer of Aarushi Talwar is her dad “Dr Rajesh Talwar”, a dentist at Fortis Hospital. The main reasons behind this whole operation were the dislike of Aarushi towards her dad’s extra-marital affair with an outside bitch named “Dr Anita Durrani”, a colleague of Dr Rajesh Talwar and the closeness of Hemraj and Aarushi. But now everyone is questioning the investigation of the Police. So who is really responsible?

Well all the details of this murder case are in the newspapers and on news channels. But we’ve something which others don’t have. The answer to the above question. We’ve a live video recording of the police investigation. Our reporters are really good in sting operations. So here is the transcript of the video investigation.

Police officer in this video is “Mr. Jhandulal Ghonsle”

Jhandulal: So Mr. Rajesh, what were you doing when this whole thing happened?

Rajesh : Well sir, me and my wife downloaded the movie “Tashan” from net for free as we encourage piracy.. but sir I must tell you.. that movie is a waste of time.. don’t even watch it for free… wasted my bandwidth..

Jhandulal : Get to the point dick head!!

Rajesh : Yes sir.. so we were watching this movie and we felt asleep…don’t blame us!.. movie was really boring..

Jhandulal : Aahh.. yes.. I know.. I booked the whole third class cinema for me and my two lady officers for our sexual routine.. but both of them died during the first five minutes of the movie.. fuck you Yash Chopra and Aditya Chopra..

Jhandulal : Anyways, what were you doing Dr Anita?

Anita : Well I was also watching Tashan, but instead of sleeping.. I was fantasizing about Kareena Kapoor in bikini and her zero size body….

Wife : I was dreaming about Shahid Kapoor and his gay looks…

Rajesh : I was having a big group sex with all of them in my dreams including “Bobby Darling” and “Rakhi Sawant”

Jhandulal : Hmm.. you all are horny little bitches.. anyways, we’ve to give the title of the murderer to someone.. damn this Nepali is dead.. that book should give some more ways to put the blame on a Nepali..

Rajesh : I understand sir, so what to do now?

Jhandulal : I’ve an idea!!. Let’s have a group sex.. the one who turns out to be the worst will go to jail.. agree?

Rajesh : Ok sir.. but i’ve to get my dildo..

Jhandulal : Dildo!! but why?

* Dr Rajesh fully embarrassed*

Rajesh : My dick is only of 2 inches.. that’s why..

Jhandulal : Asshole.. then how did you satisfy these beautiful ladies? Didn’t you read the Holy book? You’re OUT!!!

And this is how we came to know Rajesh is the criminal. God bless our Indian Police!!.

The researchers claimed that with the introduction of new bollywood actresses like Deepika Padukone and Sonal Chauhan, publisher might need to publish a new Holy Book titled, “1000 more ways to give respect to Indian Women”.

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Serious Note -

Rest in Peace “Aarushi Talwar”. May God give peace and rest to her soul.

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Please give respect to women because they are your mother, your sister, your daughter and your wife. Don’t do eve teasing. Treat girls equally and make our Indian Society a better place to live.

[digg=http://digg.com/world_news/Aarushi_An_unheard_Voice_of_India]

May

The Jaipur Diwali

newsdose

Diwali is the most prevalent festival of India and it is so widespread that people from all over the world think that they can come to India anytime and burn their own little crackers. The latest example of this is “The Jaipur Diwali” which happened last week. Well, we the people of India welcome all these tourists with an open heart coz we didn’t have any tourist scandal since Scarlett’s “Fuck me with weed” trauma.

So what exactly happened? Well no newspapers or news channels had the exact info. According to some , there were 7 explosions within 12 minutes and some were saying that there were 8 explosions that rocked the city like a Michael Jackson Concert. This is what Indian Media is all about. Icing on the cake is that, all the news channels were claiming to have an exclusive secret video recorded and sent by some random guy. The video is all about showing a place where the explosion took place. All I saw in that video was a bicycle. If you want to talk to that guy, we got his email address just for you from a news channel by bribing them for Rs 10 Only.. Well this is the rate these days and they say India is a developing country!.

And his email address is “gayosama@fuckme.com”

Instead of helping these people, politicians of the opposition parties took this as a perfect opportunity to put blame on the Central Govt. and their intelligence services who by the way lost in the first round of SRK’s show “Kya Aap Paanchvi Paas se Tez Hain?”. When media persons tried to contact Manmohan Singh, he was found in his room playing “Halo 3″ with Sonia Gandhi while his wife was watching “Desperate Housewives”.

Nevertheless, the dad of Indian news channels “India TV” was able to get an interview with one of the “Tourist” or as many say “Terrorist”.

Half Bald Guy: Welcome to India Tv’s popular show “Janta ki Adalat” . And the judge for the evening is Aamir Khan.

Aamir Khan : See I’m fully bald and you are half bald. I’m the number 1 and I’m the PERFECTIONIST MUHOHOHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!

Half Bald Guy: Ok sir you’re. Now let me call upon the criminal of the evening “Tourist A”

Tourist A : Thank you to both Bald People. Why not wear a wig?

Half Bald Guy: Ahem.. So Mr A, how old are you?

Tourist A : You a$$hole, don’t you know it is impolite to ask a terrorist’s age ? Piece of shit. Didn’t your mom tell you anythin?

Half Bald Guy: Oh! sorry I didn’t know that.. So tell me somethin about your team..

Tourist A : First of all I want to say that our team is not like that of Banglore Royal Challengers and we don’t have an owner like Malya. We don’t drink and we don’t watch sluts getting stripped in the dance bar or do they call them air hostess? We work hard for every cracker we make and that is why they don’t call us a “TEST TEAM”. We are the champions of our T20.. and that is the reason behind 9 bomb blasts within 12 minutes

Half Bald Guy: Sir I think there were only 7..

Tourist A : Fuck you asshole.. you don’t know a shit about anythin

Half Bald Guy: And what do you have to say about Shane Warne’s decision of not leaving India?

Tourist A : I think he has a secret fetish for Bombs.. Sex bombs

Half Bald Guy: What are your views about Preity Zinta?

Tourist A : She is the SEX BOMB

Half Bald Guy: What about Rakhi Sawant?

Tourist A : She is a wannabe Sex Bomb with a dog named “Abhishek”.

Aamir Khan : I know a dog named “Shahrukh”!!

Tourist A : And I know a bitch named “Kiran”!!

*Aamir Khan blushing after hearing such compliments for his wife Kiran*

*CROWD CHEERING FOR TOURIST A*

Half Bald Guy: Ok ok, what was your main motive behind these blasts in the “PINK CITY”?

Tourist A : I wanted to turn this city into “RED CITY”

Half Bald Guy: Are you a painter? or are you a relative of M.F Hussain?

Tourist A : *With a blank look* Fuck you asshole.. *Takes out a matchstick and burns the whole place*

*Aamir khan tries to save his ass *

*CROWD AGAIN CHEERING FOR TOURIST A*

And the latest news is that, Mahesh Bhatt and Vikram Bhatt offered “Tourist A” a role in their forthcoming movie “Gay Salsa” opposite Emraan Hashmi. Emraan seems to be pretty excited about kissing a guy..

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Help and pray for all the victims of the bomb blast

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[digg=http://digg.com/comedy/The_Jaipur_Diwali]

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