Tag-Archive for » Abhishek Bachchan «

Jan

After giving the cult classic film, Rang De Basanti, Rakeysh Omprakash Mehra is back with his latest offering, Delhi 6, which is said to be his semi-autobiography. Delhi 6 is momentous for both Abhishek Bachchan, and Sonam Kapoor, because this is Abhishek’s first solo film after the disastrous Drona and this is Sonam’s first film since Saawariya, which came out in 2007.

Moreover, there are lots of expectations from A.R. Rahman after he won the first Golden Globe for India with Slumdog Millionaire, congratulations to him, and he doesn’t disappoint at all with Delhi 6. One of the best things about Rahman’s soundtracks is its high production value which stands head to head with western standards and this time it’s no different. The soundtrack of Delhi 6 encompasses 10 tracks with no remixes, a great start. Now let’s review the album.

1. Masakali

First things first, the intro of Masakali is monumental! I’m listening to such a beautiful intro after a long time and all the credit goes to A.R. Rahman for this. I fell in love with the song when I listened to it for the first time in the teaser of Delhi 6 and I was eagerly waiting to listen to it and believe me, the wait was worth it. 2009 has only started but I can say this with great assurance that when the awards will come out in 2010, Masakali would be in the nominations for sure!

When you’ve awesome lyrics, superb music, and a great singer then it creates magic and this is what Masakali is. Prasoon Joshi has done a tremendous job in writing lyrics for this and to compliment the lyrics, music is top notch. But the real hero of the song is the singer, Mohit Chauhan. I mean, his voice has some serious magic touch and the way he sings the song just blows your mind. And not to forget, Sonam Kapoor, who also deserves a little credit for making this song popular with her dancing, kudos!

2. Arziyan

After the beautiful Masakali, here comes another beautiful song, Arziyan. Released as the second promo, Arziyan has a sufi touch, and it is sung by Javed Ali and Kailash Kher. Javed Ali is suitable for this, and Kailash takes Arziyan to a whole new level with his melodious voice.

Lyrics are very good and music is top class. My only problem with the song is its length which is 8:41 minutes! They say too much of anything is bad and it is really true for Arziyan. Arziyan as a whole is a very nice composition but its length can be problem for some people. It would have been much better if it was around 4-5 minutes.

3. Dilli-6

Next comes the title song of the movie, Dilli 6. Honestly, it somewhat reminds me of the Rang De Basanti era, which is not a bad thing as it was a classic soundtrack itself. One enthralling thing about the song is the French lyrics, which are beautifully mixed with the song. Sung by Blaze, Benny, Tanvi, Viviane, and Claire, Dilli 6 is surely the next big thing, at least among the Delhi crowd. The chorus can really stick with Delhi “Yeh Delhi hai mere yaar, bas ishq mohabbat pyaar”, which is beautifully written by Prasoon Joshi.

Composition of the song is outstanding, and one thing which also favors the song is its short length, which can really help it to become a chartbuster.

4. Rehna Tu

With Rehna Tu, A R Rahman decides to hold the mic himself, and I’m really glad he did. This song is one of those which you want to listen after closing your eyes and want to forget everything. Believe me the music has a very soothing feel. Everything about Rehna Tu is perfect.

5. Hey Kaala Bandar

Another entry to Bollywood’s weirdest song titles, Hey Kaala Bandar is another nice song which surely will appeal to youngistan. I only wonder how they would use this song in the movie but I guess I’ve to wait for the promo or the movie itself. Karthik, Naresh Srinivas, and Bony Chakravorty are in top form and the background melody, which is used in the intro, is marvelous.

6. Dil Gira Dafatan

Dil Gira Dafatan starts slowly and steadily grabs your attention, all thanks to the wonderful voice of Ash King and background vocals of Chinmayee.

7. Genda Phool

Genda Phool is a regional song and I’m guessing Rajasthan, correct me if I’m wrong. It could have done in two ways; either using the classic instruments or with the modern music (read hip-hop) and I’m really glad that Rahman decided to go for the latter. Genda Phool is a nice surprise of the soundtrack, and undoubtedly, the second best song after Masakali.

Rahman proves his musical talent again by making this regional song into a youth oriented song. I’ve to say I’m really impressed with this song and it’ll surely make our youngistan listen to some regional stuff.

8. Bhor Bhaye

Bhor Bhaye is your classical song which is sampled from an old song and it gives Shreaya Ghoshal a perfect opportunity to showcase her talent. To accompany her, there is Ustad Bade Ghulam Ali Khan.

9. Aarti

Aarti, as it is obvious from the name, is a prayer, which is really beautiful. The next time your mom complain that you’re too much into Roadies and western culture and don’t prayer then switch on this song, you’ll be happy and she’ll be happy, too.

10. Noor

To end the soundtrack, there is a little poem written by Prasoon Joshi, and recited by non other, Amitabh Bachan. A perfect way to end this marvelous soundtrack.

Verdict – Delhi 6 is undoubtedly an outstanding album, and will be remembered as one of Rahman’s best work. Masakali and Genda Phool shines in the soundtrack and would be the best songs of 2009. The soundtrack also comprises of chartbuster songs; Dilli 6, and Hey Kaala Bandar. In a nutshell, soundtrack of Delhi 6 is phantasmagorical. Go out and buy it!

And to Rahman’s fans, who were saying Yuvvraaj and Ghajini are classic albums, listen to this and you’ll find out what a masterpiece is and what are the standards of A.R. Rahman.

Rating –

Best songs – Masakali, Genda Phool.

Cast – Abhishek Bachchan, Sonam Kapoor, Rishi Kapoor

Music Director – A.R. Rahman

Movie Director – Rakeysh Omprakash Mehra

Post your comments, reviews and suggestions in the comment box below and I’ll reply to them and vote in the poll.

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Must Reads

1. Terrorist Attacks in Mumbai – So what did we lose and won in this attack? What to do next? Find Out!

2. An Indian Woman is Independent – Are you afraid of Independent women? Or do you want to become one? Then read this post.

3. Are you a loser on the internet? – So, do you think you’re one? Is it difficult to answer? Read the post to find out.

4. Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi Music Review – Check out the music review of the most awaited movie of 2008.
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Nov

Dostana Movie Review

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Dostana
Staggering is the first word that comes to mind while describing Dostana. Karan Johar’s latest venture, directed by debutant, Tarun Mansukhani, is a trend setter in Bollywood. It breaks all the rules that our industry follows and gives you a fully blown entertainer. Dostana is also special because it shows that a film doesn’t have to be brainless in order to become funny.

Jokes are hilarious, coupled with witty one liners, like “Mujhe mila only shuk but no f*ck”.

Add to that superb performances by everyone in the film. Dostana is meant for our Youngistan and by the response from the crowd, they loved it.

It’s very hard to find film like Dostana these days. It is easily one of the best films to come out this year. Dostana scores in every department, be it the cinematography, direction, music or the performances, it has everything.

One more refreshing change is that Dostana treats guys like sex objects instead of girls. Body of John Abraham is fully exploited and I’m pretty sure girls loved it after listening to the claps and whistles during the movie.

Now, let’s come to the subject of the movie, which is very unusual for Bollywood and that is “Love between two guys”, or do we call them gays? Dostana treats the subject very lightly and doesn’t offer any moral values in the movie and that’s a pretty impressive move by the director. Moreover, it doesn’t offend gays and is not like those movies in which gays are portrayed as a disease to our society.

When it comes to performances, Abhishek Bachchan steals the whole show. After a disappointing Drona, Abhi is back on track and that too with a bang. It’s one of his best performances of his career, only after Guru and moreover, it can be a turning point in his career. His comic timing is perfect and it rubbishes the arguments in which people say that he has only one expression on his face.

John Abraham, who came after a year, is fabulous, too. This role clearly shows how good an actor he is. Add to that his marvelous physique which any boy will crave for, Dostana is big hit for John.

His chemistry with Abhishek was superb and that was really crucial because they were the protagonists of the film and with the gay angle, chemistry was the main thing.

Dostana

Priyanka Chopra looks mind-blowing in the movie. If you thought Fashion was her best thing, think again! Priyanka takes it to whole next level both with her looks and performance. And how can we forget the scene in which she wears Golden swimsuit? I mean, you’ve to see the reaction of boys. Even girls were whistling and that’s the magic of Priyanka.

Kirron Kher, who plays the mom of Abhishek, is too good. Even with her short role, she makes an impact on you. Too bad her role is very small. And how can we forget Boman Irani? His role as a gay chief editor of a magazine is well written. Do watch out for the scene in which Kirron Kher catches his son, Abhishek, dancing with Boman Irani. A pure LOL.

And the last man, Bobby Deol, is surprisingly in good form. I heard many reviewers saying that he has a guest role which I don’t agree with. He plays an important role in the development of the story and has a big role.

Music of the film is top class. Maa Da Laadla is the best song in the movie. One better thing about the movie is that most of the songs are used as background scores just like in Hollywood movies and thus, they don’t seem to be forced. Locations are superb (seriously, I’m running out of adjectives).

Director of the movie, Tarun Mansukhani, has a lot of potential and the one to watch out for after Neeraj Pandey, who directed “A Wednesday.”

One thing which doesn’t work for the movie is the inconsistency of the pace of the movie, particularly involving the love angles of John, Priyanka, and Abhishek. I think editor should be blamed for this, because 15 minutes from the film could have been easily cut out.

Verdict – Dostana is an entertainer which you can’t afford to miss. It’s a must watch for everyone, especially for the teenagers. If you’re fed-up of brainless comedies then this movie is a treat for you. These 2 hours and 15 minutes are the ones which you’ll cherish even after weeks watching the film. As we say in our Bollywood style, “Dostana is a Full Paisa Vasool film.” Highly recommended!

Rating –

Cast – Abhishek Bachchan, Priyanka Chopra, John Abraham

Music Director – Vishal-Shekhar

Movie Director – Tarun Mansukhani

Post your comments, reviews and suggestions in the comment box below and I’ll reply to them and vote in the poll.

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1. Terrorist Attacks in Mumbai – So what did we lose and won in this attack? What to do next? Find Out!

2. An Indian Woman is Independent – Are you afraid of Independent women? Or do you want to become one? Then read this post.

3. Are you a loser on the internet? – So, do you think you’re one? Is it difficult to answer? Read the post to find out.

4. Dostana Music Review – Find out if it’s worth to buy (download) the songs?
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Nov

Who is the King of Bollywood?

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Day after day, I see every other Bollywood website commenting on who is the real King of Bollywood. It’s like the burning topic for the country, even more than why that “wannabe assassinator” from Bihar got shot, or why Politicians of India are not even leaving the chance to play politics on his death, or when will Raj Thackeray die, or the best question, why a BLACK Obama is going to the WHITE house? I mean these are serious questions, right? Especially the last one if you are a racist.

To the poor souls, who participate in the fight of “King of Bollywood” and ma$turbate while sitting in front of their PCs in lieu of doing something productive, I’m going to clear your doubts for once and all. To those lucky souls who never got to see such discussions, here is a sample of what happens in the fight.

But first, you’ve to realize that they fight as if they are those actors, so don’t be surprised about their use of language.

Here is a log of the fight.

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*Akshay Kumar Fan (AK) joined the chat on his virtual scooter with a slogan “Indian audience love brainless comedies coz they don’t have a brain”, while Shahrukh Fan (SRK) is smoking despite the ban on smoking in public chat rooms by Internet Health Minister, P0rn Lover.*

*Aamir Khan Fan (A) is busy in writing a blog entry about his love for dogs and about his new pappu, I mean puppy, Imran Khan. News Dose (ND), on the other hand, is wasting time on Orkut, Facebook, Twitter and other countless social networking sites in trying to make contacts with hot girls.*

AK: So SRK, I heard music of your new movie, Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi, just got released and I also heard that NewsDose gave it 5 stars. He sounds like a Fan of yours. It’s biased.

SRK: Yeah, so? It deserves it.

AK: O c’mon, you know songs suck. I mean, a harmonium in the song, really? In which year are you living? 1950? Where is the hip-hop and hot b!tches? Show me some bling and Snoop Dogg, nigga.

SRK: It would be totally inappropriate coz I’m playing a boring character in the movie just like I’m in real life. I’m boring, unromantic, and with a white hair.

AK: Yeah right! You’re boring, that’s why I’m the King of Bollywood. You know why youth loves me? Because I give them Katrina Kaif, showing her cleavage and hot a$$, on which they can drool so that they don’t give a $hit about the story.

SRK: And I give them Deepika Padukone, who changes her boyfriend every other day. I’m pretty sure Anushka will follow her footsteps.

*AK thinking – “Damn! That’s true. I don’t have any more $luts. Shilpa Shetty doesn’t talk to me now. $hit.”*

*ND drooling over the pictures of hot girls while Aamir’s fan is uploading the pictures of Aamir Khan using Imran Khan to get girls*

*After 10 seconds pause*

AK: You know what? You $uck. I’m the king. I gave 4 back to back hits.

SRK: So did me.

AK: But I gave them in one year. And guess what? I’m getting 100 crores for new movie. HA! Beat that, you @$$hole.

SRK: Any proof?

*Pause for 10 seconds*

AK: You know what? I’m getting 100 crores and that’s it. I’m the King and King is always right.

*Aamir’s fan realizes that Aamir is losing the battle*

Aamir: Hey! How the hell can you forget me? I’m the perfectionist! Muhahahaha!

SRK: And here comes the baldy.

Aamir: What did you call me? You’re a piece of my dog’s $hit, you know that?

AK: Great going, Aamir. Let’s kill him together. HAHA

Aamir: What are you laughing about, you brainless creature. Watch my movies someday and learn some story telling from it. I’m the best!

AK: Then why does your new movie, Ghajini, looks like a tamil movie? And hey, I thought we were together in this battle against SRK.

Aamir: I don’t need anyone, that’s why I kicked Amol from Taare Zameen Par and took all the credit. I’m the real KING. I’ll do the same thing for Ghajini, if it succeeds on box office.

SRK: Give me a break; you are an Idiot of 3 idiots. A dumb@$$.

*Suddenly, Salman Khan’s Fan enters the room in his virtual car and with a picture of Aishwarya in his one hand and his other hand is somewhere down.*

*ND is still busy in collecting the pictures of hot girls*

SK: What the hell is going on? *Closing the zip of his pants*

AK: Ah! Three SRK haters now. It’s fun. Tell him who’s the King, Salman.

SK: I don’t know but it is not SRK. He is one selfish guy who took my Katrina to Dubai on Diwali while I was bursting my crackers alone in my bed, if you know what I mean.

Aamir: Just like you were bursting in your car with Aishwarya’s picture?

SK: Totally, I still remember those good old days. Damn you Abhishek. Anyway, SRK is gay and spends his time with KJO.

*ND completes his collection of hot pictures of hot girls and returns to the chat room.*

*ND reads the whole conversation and decides to act responsibily.*

ND: Why do you guys always fight with each other? Don’t you have anything to do in life?

AK: Yeah, like what? Giving SRK’s movie biased reviews and 5 star ratings, and giving 2 stars to mine? F*ck you.

SK: Yeah, I think SRK gives u his thing behind your thing, if you know what I mean.

ND: Listen people, all those superstars don’t even know you. They’re earning millions and you are wasting your time.

AK: Get lost, you d!ckhead. Let us fight. This is our life and this is what we do.

*SRK, Aamir, and SK say the same thing*

ND: But…

All: Get out, you @#$@%@#^$^$^##%@%@#@

*ND quits the room and now writing a new blog entry about Obama while all 4 morons are still fighting*

So, you see, this is what happens in a so called debate over “The King of Bollywood.” One piece of advice, never participate in such fight coz chances are that you’ll be addicted to it.

And for those poor souls, as I promised earlier and as THE ROCK will say, “It doesn’t matter who’s the KING OF BOLLYWOOD.”

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Do you have any experience of these fights? Do you want to comment on the article or present your views on who’s the real king? Comment box is below. Go for it!
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1. Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi Music Review – Check out the music review of the most awaited movie of 2008.

2. An Indian Woman is Independent – Are you afraid of Independent women? Or do you want to become one? Then read this post.

3. Are you a loser on the internet? – So, do you think you’re one? Is it difficult to answer? Read the post to find out.

4. Dostana Music Review – Find out if it’s worth to buy (download) the songs?
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Oct

Dostana Music Review

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Dostana Movie Review – 4 stars Click here to read

Dostana
Dostana, Karan Johar’s new adventure as a producer, is about to hit theaters pretty soon and the start looks promising with a nice movie soundtrack. Vishal-Shekhar, the men behind the soundtrack finally hit the right chord this time. Dostana has a fresh feel which certainly appeal to the youngistan. The current play count at Last.fm is an attestation to the success of the soundtrack.

1. Jaane Kyon

Jaane Kyon is the catchiest song of 2008 hands down. The power of this song lies in its simplicity. Nothing fancy has been used in the music and nor there is any rapping by Hard Kaur. Lyrics are nice and it exemplifies the importance of friendship which is the theme of the movie. Vishal has done a great job on this song. Guitars by Randolph Correia are the back bone of Jaane Kyon.

2. Desi Girl

Honestly, I didn’t like the song initially, but before writing the review for this song, I listened to it a lot of times and apparently, it has started to grow on me. Add the beautifully cinematographed music video of Desi Girl featuring Priyanka Chopra, Abhishek Bachan, and John Abraham; it is creating a lot of buzz everywhere. Our desi girl, Priyanka, really looks prepossessing in the video.

3. Maa Da Laadla

Undoubtedly, this song has the funniest lyrics in a long time. I just couldn’t stop smiling while listening to the song. Music is catchy, lyrics are funny, voice during the chorus sounds like that of Donald Duck which might be annoying for some but I liked it. Saleem performed really well on the song and without a doubt, perfect choice for the song. Thank God, they didn’t go for Dale Mehandi.

My favorite part of the lyrics “Heer mili na isnu, eh Ranjhe utte mar gaya”

Kudos to Kumaar, who wrote this song. Two thumbs up for this one.

Dostana
4. Shut Up and Bounce

This song is, perhaps, the only disappointment in the whole album. It totally breaks the amiable run of Dostana. The problem with the song is the substandard lyrics which have nothing new to offer. Music is your average Vishal-Shekhar and has nothing new to offer. This song was first used in the trailer of Dostana, and at that time, it was kind of catchy. But, the full version is not at all good

5. Khabar Nahi

Let me tell you one thing, chorus of Khabar Nahi is soulful and lyrics are nice, too. Guitars by Sanjay Divecha are nice surprise to the song and add to it the melodious voices of Shreya Ghoshal and Amanat Ali, the song has all the ingredients to become a hit.

6. Kuch Kum

I’m going to say little about Kuch Kum as there is really “Kuch Kum” in the “dum” of this song. It’s your average romantic number and can be really slow for some people who are used to fast anthems of Pritam.

Overall, Dostana is a nice album with 3 catchy numbers which will be ruling the charts for some time. Based on the GAY relationship of John and Abhishek, this movie is looking like a new age cinema which will appeal to the multiplex audience. I hope, Tarun Mansukhani, the director of Dostana, has done his job well because duo of Vishal and Shekhar has done their job pretty well.

Verdict – Soundtrack of Dostana will appeal to the youth of India and has all the strands to become a big hit on the Indian Charts. Movies of Karan Johar are known for their outstanding music and Dostana is no exception. Did I tell you there is no remix in the album? Yes, there is none and that takes the rating from 3 to 4.

Rating –

Cast – Abhishek Bachchan, Priyanka Chopra, John Abraham

Music Director – Vishal-Shekhar

Movie Director – Tarun Mansukhani

Post your comments, reviews and suggestions in the comment box below and I’ll reply to them.

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Must Reads

1. An Indian Woman is Independent – Are you afraid of Independent women? Or do you want to become one? Then read this post.

2. Are you a loser on the internet? – So, do you think you’re one? Is it difficult to answer? Read the post to find out.
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Jul

ShahRukh and Salman Khan Fight

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Since the man started walking on this Earth, there have been only wars and wars, be it for money, Aishwarya Rai’s husband position, some so called holy place “Kashmir”, or over the Indo-US Nuclear Deal. The prime examples of these wars would be Indo-Pakistani War, War between Rakhi Sawant and Kashmira Shah on Big Boss, fight between Salman, Vivek and Abhishek, or that famous one between Shilpa Shetty and Jade Goody, but, none of them had generated such controversy in the Indian Media as Shah Rukh and Salman fight did.

According to our very own trust-worthy news channels, there was a spat between Shah Rukh Khan and Salman Khan on the birthday party of Katrina Kaif, which was orchestrated by Salman Khan. But, as we all know the true nature of our Sallu Bhai, he couldn’t resist himself from taking shots at Shahrukh. As of now, no one knows what exactly took place between the two Khans, as every newspaper and news channel is giving different story, thus, maintaining the HIGH STANDARDS of Indian news.

But, we at The News Dose, decided to find out what exactly happened. So, in order to achieve the target, we contacted our very own shit jabbering bitch, Rakhi Sawant and asked her to do a show especially for us.

Ladies and their pervert Husbands, I, Rakhi Sawant, would like to welcome you to my chat show, Rakhi 007, on the famous news channel, The News Dose.

Random Guy from crowd: You still alive? I thought I killed you last week after raping you in front of your boyfriend, Abhishek, while he was masturbating to your rape. President of India even gave me Padma Shri for doing this. Fuck!

Rakhi: Don’t be silly, getting raped by perverts like you is my day to day job. Anyways, we’ve lots of celebrities in my show. We’re going to discuss about Shahrukh and Salman fight.

Salman: Shut the fuck up. Where is my alcohol? Don’t you know I can’t live without it even for 2 minutes?

Katrina: Don’t drink please my Sallu, otherwise you would call me Aishwarya Rai and start humping me again. I have feelings you know!

Salman: Feelings my @$$, you can’t even act properly. You’re just an eye-candy in movies.

Akshay Kumar: That’s right. Films score on box-office just because of me, I’m the King.

Rakhi: Stop it please. So, Shahrukh and Salman, what happened that night?

Shahrukh: Here is the conversation took place that night

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Salman: You know what? You and Karan Johar, both of you are gays.

Shahrukh: And you are a dog of Aishwarya and Katrina.

Salman: O please! I’m the King and everyone knows that.

Shahrukh: Yeah right! You’re the queen of Akshay Kumar.

Akshay: Yes, you are my queen. Let’s go, our room is waiting for us baby.

Aamir: Hey!! How could you guys forget me? I’m the perfectionist! You both suck balls of Karan and Akshay.

Salman: And you use your gay nephew Imran Khan to introduce yourself to sluts, right Aamir?

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Rakhi: Ok, that sounds believable. I believe anything in which people insult Aamir.

Aamir: Die you slut!

Rakhi: Shut up baldy. Now, we’ll do something different. We’ve the editor of Mumbai Mirror, the newspaper which published this news first.

Editor: Thank you, thank you.

Random guy: Fuck you moron, I wiped my ass with your newspaper, you know that?

Editor: Yes, this is why we publish our newspaper. It helps to clean and see your ass. That is why there is Mirror in the name.

News Dose: Why did you publish such atrocious news without even checking the real story?

Editor: This is because our team is filled with nincompoops who like to write stuff using their ghoulish creativity, just like News Dose. Moreover, it helps people to wipe their asses, which is our main motive.

Rakhi: Do people wipe their penis when you publish something about me?

Random Guy: O yes we do! Especially after masturbating.

Rakhi: Yippee!!!!

News Dose: Ok, now I’ll ask couple of questions to Rediff.com’s editor and the commenters (Indian Men) on that site.

Rediff: Don’t ask me anything. I’m just like the editor of Mumbai Mirror. A complete chowder head.

News Dose: So, the turn is of Indian Men.

Indian Men: Bring it Bitch!

News Dose: Why do you love Salman Khan so much?

Indian Men: Salman is like God to us. He is our role model. He is the one who teaches us how to be a pervert and have affair with girls who are almost half of our age. He also shows the holy path to beat up our girlfriends/wives and also to kill poor people and animals.

You should try his book, “1000 ways to beat your girlfriend and still remain out of jail”. I tell you, that book opened my eyes. I’ve tried all the methods mentioned in the book and I’m really proud of myself.

News Dose: And why do you hate Shahrukh so much?

Indian Men: He is the one who tells us how to respect your wife, kids and other ladies and how not to act like a pervert. He is not an INDIAN MAN. He is a disgrace to our INDIAN SOCIETY.

He is earning millions of dollars while we are sitting at our home and masturbating to Katrina’s, “Zara Zara Touch me”. This is unfair to pervert Indian men.

So, in order to cope up with this frustration, we say that he can’t act and he is over-rated while we are the ones who’ve never even acted in a single movie in our whole life and yet, we consider ourselves as the top actors.

But wait, we are the directors, you know how? We make mms scandals of our girlfriends/wives and upload it on desi sites. It is our first step to become Sanjay Leela Bhansali. PERVERT INDIAN MEN for the win!!

Random Guy: I would like to say something to Aamir. From where the hell did you come in this whole fight, huh! Trying to be a peace maker now? Die you useless creature created by God. You and Salman take a room and make a sex tape. And then send it to your gay fans. Die! Die!

News Dose: Before Random Guy does something stupid, we’ve to end this show. Thank you for watching and I hope you’ve learnt the lesson.

Don’t trust the Indian Media and don’t give a shit about this fight. There are more serious issues in this world than this.

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Serious note – All the stuff mentioned is made up by our astute writer who doesn’t have anything to do in life. If you didn’t like it then just don’t pay attention to it and move on.

And one thing to both actors, stop the fight and patch up. People love both of you.

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Also read – Bachna Ae Haseeno Movie Review

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Jul

Indian Politics – A True Wonder

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We all know about the Seven Wonders of the World, but if we get a chance to add one more item to that consequential list, then that would be, undoubtedly, The Indian Politics. It is one piece of shit which, we the people of India love to hate, even more than John Abraham’s acting, Rakhi Sawant’s annoying voice and Ekta Kapoor’s unpalatable serials.

Although maneuvering a country is reckoned to be the most important job, but in India, you don’t need to pass IIT, AIEEE or even the Fifth grade to enter in politics. All you need is to perpetrate couple of murders, ten rapes with additional 5 gang rapes for higher political positions, ability to backstab anyone at any given time even during masturbation, wherewithal to throw shoes, tomatoes etc at each other during parliament sessions and the last and the most important, knowledge to operate a basic computer with broadband connection in order to start Swiss accounts to deposit all the money robbed from poor people, download porn from desi sites and to write poisonous compact disks against other religions so as to start riots.

NewsDose: So, in order to make the youth of India more familiar with this cunt eating government job and the current problems of India, The News Dose in association with AajTak and CNN-IBN, has organized a special program for the viewers, “Indian Politics – Fuck Me? Fuck You!”

CNN-IBN: We would like to welcome all the politicians and the celebrities who cared to come on this show.

*Rented Youth audience ready with eggs, tomatoes, buckets full of piss and shit and DVDs of Tashan to throw at the politicians.*

NewsDose: So, we are going to start with the hot burning topic of the Nation, The Nuclear Deal, and the first question goes to CPIM leader, Sitaram Yechury, who is opposing this deal. Why are you so much against this deal?

Sitaram Yechury: Well, first of all I want to say that I don’t have any problem with the Congress. It is the US people whom I hate the most.

NewsDose: What is the reason behind so much hate?

Sitaram Yechury: I requested George W Bush to send me a copy of Playboy on my birthday, but he refused to do it. Then I asked the owner of the magazine, Hugh Hefner, to start the magazine in India. He also refused my request. You tell me, they can read our Love Book, The Kama sutra, then why can’t they start this titillating magazine for the perverts Indian men. Don’t you think it is unfair?

Rakhi Sawant: Yes, it is totally unfair for the Indian women too, especially like me. I also want to pose nude for the magazine so that Indian men can buy it and start playing with their dicks and then cum on my face, on my pictures that is.

Random Guy from the audience: Take off your clothes slut; I’ll shoot you with both my camera and my dick.

*Rakhi happy and taking the random guy in the corner*

Sonia Gandhi: I can be a Playboy model for you, if you agree to support us with nuclear deal, ok Sitaram?

Sitaram Yechury: Fuck Yeah! Now you are talking!

*Left and Congress celebrating*

CNN-IBN: Phew, one issue is solved. So, let’s move on to next issue, Inflation. Anyone wants to ask a question to Mr. Chidambaram?

Amar Singh: Yes, I’ve a question. Why prices of commodities are rising even faster than Abhishek’s dick, when he saw Aishwarya naked for the first time?

NewsDose: How do you know about Abhishek’s dick? Is there any sex tape that we don’t know?

Amar Singh: I know everything, you ass hole NewsDose. He is Amitabh’s son and genetically, their dick rising speed matches. And how do I know Amitabh’s speed? Well, we always share the room and kick out Jaya Bachan. I measured his speed when he saw me naked for the first time.

*Amar Singh and Amitabh blushing*

Amitabh: I hope all the youngsters sitting here are learning something.

Random Guy from the audience: Yeah oldie with a booby, I’ve learnt that, how to be a gay at the age of 60.

*Youngistan cheering for the Random Guy*

*Random guy again busy in shooting Rakhi Sawant*

NewsDose: Dr. Manmohan Singh, you are very quiet today, what is the deal?

Manmohan: Actually, Sonia madam has gone with Sitaram, so, I’m waiting for her to come and tell me what to speak.

AajTak: Where is the hell is, The Great Khali? He is not interested in politics? Damn! Listen guys, we’ve to make a one hour show on this issue. We’ll call it, “Khali tune kiya videshi slut ko kiss to bhool gaya India ki politics?”

Youngistan: Go and suck Khali’s dick, you motherfucking TV channel.

NewsDose: Ok, now we’ve Raghu Ram with us. He is here to ask the youth of India a couple of questions.

Raghu: Ok the guy in pink shirt, come here.

*Pinku going to stage*

Raghu: So tell me, what do you want to become in life?

Pinku: I want to clear IIT, AIEEE and all the entrance exams and then become an engineer.

Raghu: Great! Which engineer?

Pinku: Hmmm I haven’t decided it yet, I’m confused between software, mechanical, civil and Electronic. Can you give any suggestion? Don’t tell me to enter politics; I hate this piece of shit.

Raghu: Yes, I’ve a suggestion, go fuck yourself motherfucker. People like you are of no use to this country. I want to be an engineer, what engineer? I don’t know. This is the future of India? Go and die you cock sucker.

CNN-IBN: Cool down Raghu, they are just wannabe engineers just like Tusshar Kapoor, Zayed Khan and Katrina Kaif, who are wannabe actors.

Raghu: Yeah, I understand. Even those 20 sluts in Splitsvilla are better than these doltish assholes. At least, they know that they want to be money grubbing whores for the rest of their lives.

*Youngistan protesting against Raghu and NewsDose because becoming an Engineer or a Doctor is religion to them.*

Youngistan: You both assholes, you never cleared any exam yourself and you are telling us to do what with our lives? Die losers!

Raghu: We are doing this for the welfare of our country. We need creative minds, not coolies like you.

*Youngistan running after Raghu and NewsDose to kill them*

*Manmohan still waiting for Sonia Gandhi to come from her Playboy photo shoot, so that he can say something.*

*Random guy almost died after giving so many shots to Rakhi. She never gets satisfied.*

CNN-IBN: This is the end of the first part of our show, “Indian Politics- Fuck Me? Fuck You!” We’ll come back later with more politics, celebrities and latest scandals including Aarushi Murder case. Ciao.

[digg=http://digg.com/comedy/Indian_Politics_A_True_Wonder]

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