We all know about the Seven Wonders of the World, but if we get a chance to add one more item to that consequential list, then that would be, undoubtedly, The Indian Politics. It is one piece of shit which, we the people of India love to hate, even more than John Abraham’s acting, Rakhi Sawant’s annoying voice and Ekta Kapoor’s unpalatable serials.
Although maneuvering a country is reckoned to be the most important job, but in India, you don’t need to pass IIT, AIEEE or even the Fifth grade to enter in politics. All you need is to perpetrate couple of murders, ten rapes with additional 5 gang rapes for higher political positions, ability to backstab anyone at any given time even during masturbation, wherewithal to throw shoes, tomatoes etc at each other during parliament sessions and the last and the most important, knowledge to operate a basic computer with broadband connection in order to start Swiss accounts to deposit all the money robbed from poor people, download porn from desi sites and to write poisonous compact disks against other religions so as to start riots.
NewsDose: So, in order to make the youth of India more familiar with this cunt eating government job and the current problems of India, The News Dose in association with AajTak and CNN-IBN, has organized a special program for the viewers, “Indian Politics – Fuck Me? Fuck You!”
CNN-IBN: We would like to welcome all the politicians and the celebrities who cared to come on this show.
*Rented Youth audience ready with eggs, tomatoes, buckets full of piss and shit and DVDs of Tashan to throw at the politicians.*
NewsDose: So, we are going to start with the hot burning topic of the Nation, The Nuclear Deal, and the first question goes to CPIM leader, Sitaram Yechury, who is opposing this deal. Why are you so much against this deal?
Sitaram Yechury: Well, first of all I want to say that I don’t have any problem with the Congress. It is the US people whom I hate the most.
NewsDose: What is the reason behind so much hate?
Sitaram Yechury: I requested George W Bush to send me a copy of Playboy on my birthday, but he refused to do it. Then I asked the owner of the magazine, Hugh Hefner, to start the magazine in India. He also refused my request. You tell me, they can read our Love Book, The Kama sutra, then why can’t they start this titillating magazine for the perverts Indian men. Don’t you think it is unfair?
Rakhi Sawant: Yes, it is totally unfair for the Indian women too, especially like me. I also want to pose nude for the magazine so that Indian men can buy it and start playing with their dicks and then cum on my face, on my pictures that is.
Random Guy from the audience: Take off your clothes slut; I’ll shoot you with both my camera and my dick.
*Rakhi happy and taking the random guy in the corner*
Sonia Gandhi: I can be a Playboy model for you, if you agree to support us with nuclear deal, ok Sitaram?
Sitaram Yechury: Fuck Yeah! Now you are talking!
*Left and Congress celebrating*
CNN-IBN: Phew, one issue is solved. So, let’s move on to next issue, Inflation. Anyone wants to ask a question to Mr. Chidambaram?
Amar Singh: Yes, I’ve a question. Why prices of commodities are rising even faster than Abhishek’s dick, when he saw Aishwarya naked for the first time?
NewsDose: How do you know about Abhishek’s dick? Is there any sex tape that we don’t know?
Amar Singh: I know everything, you ass hole NewsDose. He is Amitabh’s son and genetically, their dick rising speed matches. And how do I know Amitabh’s speed? Well, we always share the room and kick out Jaya Bachan. I measured his speed when he saw me naked for the first time.
*Amar Singh and Amitabh blushing*
Amitabh: I hope all the youngsters sitting here are learning something.
Random Guy from the audience: Yeah oldie with a booby, I’ve learnt that, how to be a gay at the age of 60.
*Youngistan cheering for the Random Guy*
*Random guy again busy in shooting Rakhi Sawant*
NewsDose: Dr. Manmohan Singh, you are very quiet today, what is the deal?
Manmohan: Actually, Sonia madam has gone with Sitaram, so, I’m waiting for her to come and tell me what to speak.
AajTak: Where is the hell is, The Great Khali? He is not interested in politics? Damn! Listen guys, we’ve to make a one hour show on this issue. We’ll call it, “Khali tune kiya videshi slut ko kiss to bhool gaya India ki politics?”
Youngistan: Go and suck Khali’s dick, you motherfucking TV channel.
NewsDose: Ok, now we’ve Raghu Ram with us. He is here to ask the youth of India a couple of questions.
Raghu: Ok the guy in pink shirt, come here.
*Pinku going to stage*
Raghu: So tell me, what do you want to become in life?
Pinku: I want to clear IIT, AIEEE and all the entrance exams and then become an engineer.
Raghu: Great! Which engineer?
Pinku: Hmmm I haven’t decided it yet, I’m confused between software, mechanical, civil and Electronic. Can you give any suggestion? Don’t tell me to enter politics; I hate this piece of shit.
Raghu: Yes, I’ve a suggestion, go fuck yourself motherfucker. People like you are of no use to this country. I want to be an engineer, what engineer? I don’t know. This is the future of India? Go and die you cock sucker.
CNN-IBN: Cool down Raghu, they are just wannabe engineers just like Tusshar Kapoor, Zayed Khan and Katrina Kaif, who are wannabe actors.
Raghu: Yeah, I understand. Even those 20 sluts in Splitsvilla are better than these doltish assholes. At least, they know that they want to be money grubbing whores for the rest of their lives.
*Youngistan protesting against Raghu and NewsDose because becoming an Engineer or a Doctor is religion to them.*
Youngistan: You both assholes, you never cleared any exam yourself and you are telling us to do what with our lives? Die losers!
Raghu: We are doing this for the welfare of our country. We need creative minds, not coolies like you.
*Youngistan running after Raghu and NewsDose to kill them*
*Manmohan still waiting for Sonia Gandhi to come from her Playboy photo shoot, so that he can say something.*
*Random guy almost died after giving so many shots to Rakhi. She never gets satisfied.*
CNN-IBN: This is the end of the first part of our show, “Indian Politics- Fuck Me? Fuck You!” We’ll come back later with more politics, celebrities and latest scandals including Aarushi Murder case. Ciao.
