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Dec

Gone are those good old days when our parents used to sit with neighbors and discuss if their children got into IIT or cleared CAT and then making fun of them if they didn’t.

And also gone are those beautiful days when we used to sit around with our friends and discuss who got laid with which girl or who made the best mms scandal and thus, paving the path to win the “Filmfare Best MMS Director Award.” I also remember those days when we used to play cricket in the streets and run after the ball to catch it as if it was one of our balls.

Today, thanks to World Wide Web and its social networking websites such as Orkut, Facebook, Hi5, and Twitter; we have forgotten what it was like to go out and have fun with friends. Now it’s all about the internet baby!

Under the influence of powerful desire to taste the “ADULT-eration”, teenagers make their profiles on these sites and claim to be 25 year old hunks and babes. Insecure teenage girls use the picture of Deepika Padukone as profile picture and seeing this, boys use the picture of Ranbir Kapoor and claim to be their soul mates, only to realize it later that Deepika has already changed her boyfriend.

Orkut is a heaven for poor heartbroken lovers, because now they can spy on their ex-lovers by making fake profiles which is not possible in the real world.

According to the recent survey carried out by Indian Institute of Molestation (IIM), Internet is the first step for an Indian man to be a pervert. If you’re a girl or if you’ve seen the home page of a girl’s profile, then you might know about the number of friend requests one girl gets in a single day by pervert men.

In order to become cool in front of their friends, boys claim to lose virginity by indulging in virtual sex with a girl, who might be a dude on the other end of the computer.

Real life losers are the “Cool Kids” on the internet, as they have 200+ friends in their profile out of which they don’t even know half of them and moreover, they don’t even talk to them. At least, they get the feeling that someone cares about them, who gives a damn if they get flushed in the school toilet daily, right?

And the last, the SMS language they use on such sites. Sometimes, I feel that they are raping the Good old English which is like our Bollywood actresses, simple and beautiful, but now “3xpl0it3d bY Da” Directors to be cool, and here by the teenagers.

So, there you go, a complete description of the Indian Internet Society, where perverts are made, virginity is lost to dudes, losers become heroes, languages get raped and the place where you know about the latest boyfriends of Deepika Padukone.

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Must Reads

1. Terrorist Attacks in Mumbai – So what did we lose and won in this attack? What to do next? Find Out!

2. Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi Movie Review – Review of the most awaited movie of 2008. 4 stars.

3. Are you a loser on the internet? – So, do you think you’re one? Is it difficult to answer? Read the post to find out.

4. Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi Music Review – Check out the music review of the most awaited movie of 2008.

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Category: Uncategorized Tags: CAT, cricket, Deepika Padukone, Facebook, Filmfare, Hi5, IIT, India, Indian Society, Internet, lovers, MMS, mms scandal, Orkut, Ranbir Kapoor, Twitter 2 Comments

Nov

Who is the King of Bollywood?

newsdose

Day after day, I see every other Bollywood website commenting on who is the real King of Bollywood. It’s like the burning topic for the country, even more than why that “wannabe assassinator” from Bihar got shot, or why Politicians of India are not even leaving the chance to play politics on his death, or when will Raj Thackeray die, or the best question, why a BLACK Obama is going to the WHITE house? I mean these are serious questions, right? Especially the last one if you are a racist.

To the poor souls, who participate in the fight of “King of Bollywood” and ma$turbate while sitting in front of their PCs in lieu of doing something productive, I’m going to clear your doubts for once and all. To those lucky souls who never got to see such discussions, here is a sample of what happens in the fight.

But first, you’ve to realize that they fight as if they are those actors, so don’t be surprised about their use of language.

Here is a log of the fight.

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*Akshay Kumar Fan (AK) joined the chat on his virtual scooter with a slogan “Indian audience love brainless comedies coz they don’t have a brain”, while Shahrukh Fan (SRK) is smoking despite the ban on smoking in public chat rooms by Internet Health Minister, P0rn Lover.*

*Aamir Khan Fan (A) is busy in writing a blog entry about his love for dogs and about his new pappu, I mean puppy, Imran Khan. News Dose (ND), on the other hand, is wasting time on Orkut, Facebook, Twitter and other countless social networking sites in trying to make contacts with hot girls.*

AK: So SRK, I heard music of your new movie, Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi, just got released and I also heard that NewsDose gave it 5 stars. He sounds like a Fan of yours. It’s biased.

SRK: Yeah, so? It deserves it.

AK: O c’mon, you know songs suck. I mean, a harmonium in the song, really? In which year are you living? 1950? Where is the hip-hop and hot b!tches? Show me some bling and Snoop Dogg, nigga.

SRK: It would be totally inappropriate coz I’m playing a boring character in the movie just like I’m in real life. I’m boring, unromantic, and with a white hair.

AK: Yeah right! You’re boring, that’s why I’m the King of Bollywood. You know why youth loves me? Because I give them Katrina Kaif, showing her cleavage and hot a$$, on which they can drool so that they don’t give a $hit about the story.

SRK: And I give them Deepika Padukone, who changes her boyfriend every other day. I’m pretty sure Anushka will follow her footsteps.

*AK thinking – “Damn! That’s true. I don’t have any more $luts. Shilpa Shetty doesn’t talk to me now. $hit.”*

*ND drooling over the pictures of hot girls while Aamir’s fan is uploading the pictures of Aamir Khan using Imran Khan to get girls*

*After 10 seconds pause*

AK: You know what? You $uck. I’m the king. I gave 4 back to back hits.

SRK: So did me.

AK: But I gave them in one year. And guess what? I’m getting 100 crores for new movie. HA! Beat that, you @$$hole.

SRK: Any proof?

*Pause for 10 seconds*

AK: You know what? I’m getting 100 crores and that’s it. I’m the King and King is always right.

*Aamir’s fan realizes that Aamir is losing the battle*

Aamir: Hey! How the hell can you forget me? I’m the perfectionist! Muhahahaha!

SRK: And here comes the baldy.

Aamir: What did you call me? You’re a piece of my dog’s $hit, you know that?

AK: Great going, Aamir. Let’s kill him together. HAHA

Aamir: What are you laughing about, you brainless creature. Watch my movies someday and learn some story telling from it. I’m the best!

AK: Then why does your new movie, Ghajini, looks like a tamil movie? And hey, I thought we were together in this battle against SRK.

Aamir: I don’t need anyone, that’s why I kicked Amol from Taare Zameen Par and took all the credit. I’m the real KING. I’ll do the same thing for Ghajini, if it succeeds on box office.

SRK: Give me a break; you are an Idiot of 3 idiots. A dumb@$$.

*Suddenly, Salman Khan’s Fan enters the room in his virtual car and with a picture of Aishwarya in his one hand and his other hand is somewhere down.*

*ND is still busy in collecting the pictures of hot girls*

SK: What the hell is going on? *Closing the zip of his pants*

AK: Ah! Three SRK haters now. It’s fun. Tell him who’s the King, Salman.

SK: I don’t know but it is not SRK. He is one selfish guy who took my Katrina to Dubai on Diwali while I was bursting my crackers alone in my bed, if you know what I mean.

Aamir: Just like you were bursting in your car with Aishwarya’s picture?

SK: Totally, I still remember those good old days. Damn you Abhishek. Anyway, SRK is gay and spends his time with KJO.

*ND completes his collection of hot pictures of hot girls and returns to the chat room.*

*ND reads the whole conversation and decides to act responsibily.*

ND: Why do you guys always fight with each other? Don’t you have anything to do in life?

AK: Yeah, like what? Giving SRK’s movie biased reviews and 5 star ratings, and giving 2 stars to mine? F*ck you.

SK: Yeah, I think SRK gives u his thing behind your thing, if you know what I mean.

ND: Listen people, all those superstars don’t even know you. They’re earning millions and you are wasting your time.

AK: Get lost, you d!ckhead. Let us fight. This is our life and this is what we do.

*SRK, Aamir, and SK say the same thing*

ND: But…

All: Get out, you @#$@%@#^$^$^##%@%@#@

*ND quits the room and now writing a new blog entry about Obama while all 4 morons are still fighting*

So, you see, this is what happens in a so called debate over “The King of Bollywood.” One piece of advice, never participate in such fight coz chances are that you’ll be addicted to it.

And for those poor souls, as I promised earlier and as THE ROCK will say, “It doesn’t matter who’s the KING OF BOLLYWOOD.”

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Do you have any experience of these fights? Do you want to comment on the article or present your views on who’s the real king? Comment box is below. Go for it!
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1. Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi Music Review – Check out the music review of the most awaited movie of 2008.

2. An Indian Woman is Independent – Are you afraid of Independent women? Or do you want to become one? Then read this post.

3. Are you a loser on the internet? – So, do you think you’re one? Is it difficult to answer? Read the post to find out.

4. Dostana Music Review – Find out if it’s worth to buy (download) the songs?
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[digg=http://digg.com/movies/Who_is_the_King_of_Bollywood]

Aug

Are you a loser on internet? Find Out!

newsdose

The craze of social networking websites is increasing day by day. You login into your mail account and find an invitation to some new website from your friend. But the three main social networking sites that rule in India are; Orkut, Facebook and MySpace.

One thing that I’ve noticed among the users is lack of awareness about the internet and social networking sites. For example; In India, people reckon Airtel’s 64 kbps connection as a broadband connection and people don’t know how to copy images from someone’s profile especially that of girls.

But today, I’m going to tell you about how to identify a loser on social networking sites or on the whole internet. This is a very useful guide because it also assists you to answer one small question and that question is, “Are you a loser on internet?”

You know that you’re a loser on internet WHEN -

1.You don’t know how to write in proper English. You use “ma” instead of “my”, “watevea” instead of “whatever” or “heLLo” instead of “Hello”. You put extra letters to a word. For example; “LiFE3” in lieu of “Life”. You prefer to use sms language on forums. Moreover, you think that it’s cool to write like this.

2.While browsing these sites, you send friend requests to girls and continuously check out their profiles. If they don’t accept it then also you keep on sending requests.

3.You try to use “Unlock Photo Albums Scripts” on the profiles of girls or your ex-lovers.

4.You just can’t complete your sentence without typing “Lolz”.

5.You send forward messages to your friends as scraps. For example; “Your mother will die if u don’t forward it to 10 people”, “I’ll sleep with your girlfriend if you don’t send it to 100 people”.

6.You’ve 200+ friends on Orkut but you don’t know half of them. Moreover, you don’t even talk to them. This is because you think that having 200+ friends makes you popular.

7.You have a fake profile to spy on your ex- girlfriend/ boyfriend.

8.You’re using a picture of Hannah Montana/Hilary Duff as your profile picture.

9.You don’t know your neighbor but you know about the latest games on Myspace.

10.You download porn from internet and masturbate to it rather than getting laid in real life.

11.You fight with people in communities and forums while in real life you don’t have the balls to say anything.

12.In real life, you say “LOL” in place of laughing.

13.After reading this, you are totally pissed off at me and now you’re going to the comment box to abuse me.

14.You copy this whole guide and forward it to your friends through email or post it on social networking websites or internet forums.

If you agree with all the points above, then dude, WELCOME TO LOSERVILLE!

So there you go, the best way to identify a loser on internet. Did I miss anything in that list? Post it in the comment box. I’ll surely include it in my list.

[digg=http://digg.com/odd_stuff/Are_you_a_loser_on_internet_Find_out]
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