Tag-Archive for » Imran Khan «

Feb

It was the beginning…

It was not that long ago, 2007 to be precise, when people were a big fan of typical “masala” films. People didn’t bother about the logic either, they were too happy to watch their favorite stars, irrespective the quality of the movie that they were doing. But in 2008, things started changing.

Suddenly, films of big stars were turning into flops, and many big budget movies tanked at the box office . The sure shot formula of comedy movies stopped working, which was working fine in 2007. Big films like Drona, Yuvvraaj, Love Story 2050, Karzzz etc. were big time disasters. This happened despite of the fact that all of them were heavily promoted.

And small budget films with no face value actors like A Wednesday, Welcome to Sajjanpur, Mumbai Meri Jaan, Rock On and Aamir etc. were doing better business than many big budget movies. Moreover, they were appreciated by people and critics alike from all over India. This was a clear indication that Bollywood was changing, and for the better!

And now let’s talk about 2009. Chandni Chowk to China, 2009’s first big released, tanked big time at the box office, and even Akshay Kumar couldn’t save it. What was the reason behind that? The script of the movie was written poorly, director was third class, and don’t even make me start talking about the action scenes.

And then Dev D released which was not heavily promoted, but is doing very good business and has been appreciated by everyone. One of the reasons it worked because it was unique, cleverly written and had powerful performances.

It’s now clear that people don’t watch movies just because of stars, now they watch movies which have some quality. Audience is smarter these days but sadly, filmmakers are still acting as nincompoops.
Let’s find out some reasons why Bollywood is changing and how it’ll affect the future.

1. The Multiplex audience – Undoubtedly, they have the most important role to play in the transmutation of Bollywood, which we are seeing today. As I said above, audience is getting smarter and this is our Multiplex audience only. They pay a very high price to watch movies and they don’t want to waste their precious money on watching some crap film. They want quality, and it doesn’t matter who the actor is. A Wednesday, Dev.D and Rock On are the prime examples for this.

2. The Youth and the Internet and the exposure to Hollywood – According to many surveys, a large proportion of the movie watching audience comprises of people between the age group of 18 – 35. Now you must be thinking how is this affecting Bollywood? Let me tell you how.

Today, almost everyone in India, especially in big cities, have an internet connection. Many of the hardcore internet users use the internet to download movies, music and ahem… porn. Due to this, they’ve a lot of exposure to Hollywood movies, which are known for their scripts, special effects, and superb performances. As a consequence of this, they know what quality is and they expect the same standard from Bollywood.

But when our filmmakers give us movies like Victory, CC2C, Yuvvraaj, they know that this movie is going to be another crap, and they keep themselves away from such stuff, and thus the movie flops. We’re getting smarter cinematically because of Hollywood, which is a good thing.

3. The Young Filmmakers – Young people are coming with fresh ideas and new approach towards filmmaking. As they are young, they instantly connect with the moving going audience, which I said earlier, is filled with young people, which result in hits. Dev.D is the perfect example as the language of the film was the normal talk we use every day.

The Award Functions

Another aspect which got affected badly this year is the award functions of Bollywood. If you go through the nominations of this year, you’ll find a “Reader’s choice” and “Critics choice” related voting system in almost every award ceremony. Now this critic system was not that popular couple of years back.

But this year, they are giving too much important to both of these systems. Why? Because they know the audience is smart now, so they can’t ignore critically acclaimed movies. That’s why you see “A Wednesday” winning this year, while Khosla Ka Ghosla didn’t win any award in 2005, in the major categories.

As these movies don’t have any big stars, award organizers are in a big conundrum. If they are start giving awards to these small budget movies then the big stars won’t attend the function and then the T.V ratings will drop. Honestly, if we leave out Filmfare, all other award functions don’t have any standard. They all are known for licking stars’ asses to bring them to functions.

So, in order to give them awards, they give them through Reader’s choice awards. And to be very frank, I don’t trust these awards, after seeing the winners of Max Stardust awards. According to their reader’s choice awards, best film is Singh is Kinng. This clearly explains how badly they are licking the ass of Akshay Kumar. In a poll conducted by Bollywood Hungama, Ghajini and Rab ne Bana Di Jodi were the top two movies, according to readers, and I do trust that result.

The organizers knew that Aamir Khan was not going to accept the award anyway, and people have something against Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi, so they gave the award to Singh is Kinng. I’m not getting into any actor war, I’m stating a point. Check out the imdb.com profiles of all the 3 movies and you’ll know what I’m talking about. And A Wednesday is not nominated as the best film in Filmfare awards this year, how come? Dostana, Ghajini, Singh is Kinng got nominated but not A Wednesday? That’s a fucking conspiracy.

The thing is that the sudden change in the taste of audience has shocked everyone. It’ll take some time to get used to this. One thing they should is to lift their standards and stop following the actors like a dog chasing a car. And please, telecast the function live! We should go towards the Oscar way, which is the clear indication of classic movies, you can’t doubt that!

I’m hoping that the nominations of next year would be better, and fair, with focus on the actors who gave good performances, irrespective to their star status.

Survival of the Fittest

Bollywood is going through evolution and it is now the time of Survival of the Fittest. Only those people will survive who can mould them according to the latest trends. If you can’t then your career is over. The new wave is coming, and it’s going to change everything for forever.

All the big stars have to do critically acclaimed cinema in order to win awards and applause from the audience. Shahrukh Khan, Aamir Khan, and Hritihik Roshan are somewhat safe as they have My Name is Khan, 3 Idiots, and Kites under their belts, respectively.

Salman Khan is pretty much out of the race and his career is almost over with back to back flops last year. And this brings us to Akshay Kumar, if he starts doing something other than comedy then he has a little chance otherwise he is also gone.

Now let’s come to the young actors. Shahid Kapoor is in real danger now because he is known as the next lover boy of Bollywood, which is not a good sign and if you see his past films, most of his movies are love stories.

Imran Khan is doing an interesting film “Delhi Belly” and he has a good chance of surviving, but he has to work on his acting skills and voice modulation badly. Otherwise, he’ll be a one hit wonder.

And the last two actors, Ranbir Kapoor and Farhan Akhtar. Ranbir Kapoor certainly has the charisma, and the acting talent to survive in Bollywood and Farhan Akhtar is the next big thing. With two critically acclaimed films under his belt, Rock On!! and Luck By Chance under his belt, Farhan is ready to rock.

The News Dose

If you’ve to anything to say about the article or want to represent your views then feel free to do that by typing in the comment box below.

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Nov

Who is the King of Bollywood?

newsdose

Day after day, I see every other Bollywood website commenting on who is the real King of Bollywood. It’s like the burning topic for the country, even more than why that “wannabe assassinator” from Bihar got shot, or why Politicians of India are not even leaving the chance to play politics on his death, or when will Raj Thackeray die, or the best question, why a BLACK Obama is going to the WHITE house? I mean these are serious questions, right? Especially the last one if you are a racist.

To the poor souls, who participate in the fight of “King of Bollywood” and ma$turbate while sitting in front of their PCs in lieu of doing something productive, I’m going to clear your doubts for once and all. To those lucky souls who never got to see such discussions, here is a sample of what happens in the fight.

But first, you’ve to realize that they fight as if they are those actors, so don’t be surprised about their use of language.

Here is a log of the fight.

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*Akshay Kumar Fan (AK) joined the chat on his virtual scooter with a slogan “Indian audience love brainless comedies coz they don’t have a brain”, while Shahrukh Fan (SRK) is smoking despite the ban on smoking in public chat rooms by Internet Health Minister, P0rn Lover.*

*Aamir Khan Fan (A) is busy in writing a blog entry about his love for dogs and about his new pappu, I mean puppy, Imran Khan. News Dose (ND), on the other hand, is wasting time on Orkut, Facebook, Twitter and other countless social networking sites in trying to make contacts with hot girls.*

AK: So SRK, I heard music of your new movie, Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi, just got released and I also heard that NewsDose gave it 5 stars. He sounds like a Fan of yours. It’s biased.

SRK: Yeah, so? It deserves it.

AK: O c’mon, you know songs suck. I mean, a harmonium in the song, really? In which year are you living? 1950? Where is the hip-hop and hot b!tches? Show me some bling and Snoop Dogg, nigga.

SRK: It would be totally inappropriate coz I’m playing a boring character in the movie just like I’m in real life. I’m boring, unromantic, and with a white hair.

AK: Yeah right! You’re boring, that’s why I’m the King of Bollywood. You know why youth loves me? Because I give them Katrina Kaif, showing her cleavage and hot a$$, on which they can drool so that they don’t give a $hit about the story.

SRK: And I give them Deepika Padukone, who changes her boyfriend every other day. I’m pretty sure Anushka will follow her footsteps.

*AK thinking – “Damn! That’s true. I don’t have any more $luts. Shilpa Shetty doesn’t talk to me now. $hit.”*

*ND drooling over the pictures of hot girls while Aamir’s fan is uploading the pictures of Aamir Khan using Imran Khan to get girls*

*After 10 seconds pause*

AK: You know what? You $uck. I’m the king. I gave 4 back to back hits.

SRK: So did me.

AK: But I gave them in one year. And guess what? I’m getting 100 crores for new movie. HA! Beat that, you @$$hole.

SRK: Any proof?

*Pause for 10 seconds*

AK: You know what? I’m getting 100 crores and that’s it. I’m the King and King is always right.

*Aamir’s fan realizes that Aamir is losing the battle*

Aamir: Hey! How the hell can you forget me? I’m the perfectionist! Muhahahaha!

SRK: And here comes the baldy.

Aamir: What did you call me? You’re a piece of my dog’s $hit, you know that?

AK: Great going, Aamir. Let’s kill him together. HAHA

Aamir: What are you laughing about, you brainless creature. Watch my movies someday and learn some story telling from it. I’m the best!

AK: Then why does your new movie, Ghajini, looks like a tamil movie? And hey, I thought we were together in this battle against SRK.

Aamir: I don’t need anyone, that’s why I kicked Amol from Taare Zameen Par and took all the credit. I’m the real KING. I’ll do the same thing for Ghajini, if it succeeds on box office.

SRK: Give me a break; you are an Idiot of 3 idiots. A dumb@$$.

*Suddenly, Salman Khan’s Fan enters the room in his virtual car and with a picture of Aishwarya in his one hand and his other hand is somewhere down.*

*ND is still busy in collecting the pictures of hot girls*

SK: What the hell is going on? *Closing the zip of his pants*

AK: Ah! Three SRK haters now. It’s fun. Tell him who’s the King, Salman.

SK: I don’t know but it is not SRK. He is one selfish guy who took my Katrina to Dubai on Diwali while I was bursting my crackers alone in my bed, if you know what I mean.

Aamir: Just like you were bursting in your car with Aishwarya’s picture?

SK: Totally, I still remember those good old days. Damn you Abhishek. Anyway, SRK is gay and spends his time with KJO.

*ND completes his collection of hot pictures of hot girls and returns to the chat room.*

*ND reads the whole conversation and decides to act responsibily.*

ND: Why do you guys always fight with each other? Don’t you have anything to do in life?

AK: Yeah, like what? Giving SRK’s movie biased reviews and 5 star ratings, and giving 2 stars to mine? F*ck you.

SK: Yeah, I think SRK gives u his thing behind your thing, if you know what I mean.

ND: Listen people, all those superstars don’t even know you. They’re earning millions and you are wasting your time.

AK: Get lost, you d!ckhead. Let us fight. This is our life and this is what we do.

*SRK, Aamir, and SK say the same thing*

ND: But…

All: Get out, you @#$@%@#^$^$^##%@%@#@

*ND quits the room and now writing a new blog entry about Obama while all 4 morons are still fighting*

So, you see, this is what happens in a so called debate over “The King of Bollywood.” One piece of advice, never participate in such fight coz chances are that you’ll be addicted to it.

And for those poor souls, as I promised earlier and as THE ROCK will say, “It doesn’t matter who’s the KING OF BOLLYWOOD.”

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Do you have any experience of these fights? Do you want to comment on the article or present your views on who’s the real king? Comment box is below. Go for it!
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1. Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi Music Review – Check out the music review of the most awaited movie of 2008.

2. An Indian Woman is Independent – Are you afraid of Independent women? Or do you want to become one? Then read this post.

3. Are you a loser on the internet? – So, do you think you’re one? Is it difficult to answer? Read the post to find out.

4. Dostana Music Review – Find out if it’s worth to buy (download) the songs?
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Jul

ShahRukh and Salman Khan Fight

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Since the man started walking on this Earth, there have been only wars and wars, be it for money, Aishwarya Rai’s husband position, some so called holy place “Kashmir”, or over the Indo-US Nuclear Deal. The prime examples of these wars would be Indo-Pakistani War, War between Rakhi Sawant and Kashmira Shah on Big Boss, fight between Salman, Vivek and Abhishek, or that famous one between Shilpa Shetty and Jade Goody, but, none of them had generated such controversy in the Indian Media as Shah Rukh and Salman fight did.

According to our very own trust-worthy news channels, there was a spat between Shah Rukh Khan and Salman Khan on the birthday party of Katrina Kaif, which was orchestrated by Salman Khan. But, as we all know the true nature of our Sallu Bhai, he couldn’t resist himself from taking shots at Shahrukh. As of now, no one knows what exactly took place between the two Khans, as every newspaper and news channel is giving different story, thus, maintaining the HIGH STANDARDS of Indian news.

But, we at The News Dose, decided to find out what exactly happened. So, in order to achieve the target, we contacted our very own shit jabbering bitch, Rakhi Sawant and asked her to do a show especially for us.

Ladies and their pervert Husbands, I, Rakhi Sawant, would like to welcome you to my chat show, Rakhi 007, on the famous news channel, The News Dose.

Random Guy from crowd: You still alive? I thought I killed you last week after raping you in front of your boyfriend, Abhishek, while he was masturbating to your rape. President of India even gave me Padma Shri for doing this. Fuck!

Rakhi: Don’t be silly, getting raped by perverts like you is my day to day job. Anyways, we’ve lots of celebrities in my show. We’re going to discuss about Shahrukh and Salman fight.

Salman: Shut the fuck up. Where is my alcohol? Don’t you know I can’t live without it even for 2 minutes?

Katrina: Don’t drink please my Sallu, otherwise you would call me Aishwarya Rai and start humping me again. I have feelings you know!

Salman: Feelings my @$$, you can’t even act properly. You’re just an eye-candy in movies.

Akshay Kumar: That’s right. Films score on box-office just because of me, I’m the King.

Rakhi: Stop it please. So, Shahrukh and Salman, what happened that night?

Shahrukh: Here is the conversation took place that night

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Salman: You know what? You and Karan Johar, both of you are gays.

Shahrukh: And you are a dog of Aishwarya and Katrina.

Salman: O please! I’m the King and everyone knows that.

Shahrukh: Yeah right! You’re the queen of Akshay Kumar.

Akshay: Yes, you are my queen. Let’s go, our room is waiting for us baby.

Aamir: Hey!! How could you guys forget me? I’m the perfectionist! You both suck balls of Karan and Akshay.

Salman: And you use your gay nephew Imran Khan to introduce yourself to sluts, right Aamir?

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Rakhi: Ok, that sounds believable. I believe anything in which people insult Aamir.

Aamir: Die you slut!

Rakhi: Shut up baldy. Now, we’ll do something different. We’ve the editor of Mumbai Mirror, the newspaper which published this news first.

Editor: Thank you, thank you.

Random guy: Fuck you moron, I wiped my ass with your newspaper, you know that?

Editor: Yes, this is why we publish our newspaper. It helps to clean and see your ass. That is why there is Mirror in the name.

News Dose: Why did you publish such atrocious news without even checking the real story?

Editor: This is because our team is filled with nincompoops who like to write stuff using their ghoulish creativity, just like News Dose. Moreover, it helps people to wipe their asses, which is our main motive.

Rakhi: Do people wipe their penis when you publish something about me?

Random Guy: O yes we do! Especially after masturbating.

Rakhi: Yippee!!!!

News Dose: Ok, now I’ll ask couple of questions to Rediff.com’s editor and the commenters (Indian Men) on that site.

Rediff: Don’t ask me anything. I’m just like the editor of Mumbai Mirror. A complete chowder head.

News Dose: So, the turn is of Indian Men.

Indian Men: Bring it Bitch!

News Dose: Why do you love Salman Khan so much?

Indian Men: Salman is like God to us. He is our role model. He is the one who teaches us how to be a pervert and have affair with girls who are almost half of our age. He also shows the holy path to beat up our girlfriends/wives and also to kill poor people and animals.

You should try his book, “1000 ways to beat your girlfriend and still remain out of jail”. I tell you, that book opened my eyes. I’ve tried all the methods mentioned in the book and I’m really proud of myself.

News Dose: And why do you hate Shahrukh so much?

Indian Men: He is the one who tells us how to respect your wife, kids and other ladies and how not to act like a pervert. He is not an INDIAN MAN. He is a disgrace to our INDIAN SOCIETY.

He is earning millions of dollars while we are sitting at our home and masturbating to Katrina’s, “Zara Zara Touch me”. This is unfair to pervert Indian men.

So, in order to cope up with this frustration, we say that he can’t act and he is over-rated while we are the ones who’ve never even acted in a single movie in our whole life and yet, we consider ourselves as the top actors.

But wait, we are the directors, you know how? We make mms scandals of our girlfriends/wives and upload it on desi sites. It is our first step to become Sanjay Leela Bhansali. PERVERT INDIAN MEN for the win!!

Random Guy: I would like to say something to Aamir. From where the hell did you come in this whole fight, huh! Trying to be a peace maker now? Die you useless creature created by God. You and Salman take a room and make a sex tape. And then send it to your gay fans. Die! Die!

News Dose: Before Random Guy does something stupid, we’ve to end this show. Thank you for watching and I hope you’ve learnt the lesson.

Don’t trust the Indian Media and don’t give a shit about this fight. There are more serious issues in this world than this.

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Serious note – All the stuff mentioned is made up by our astute writer who doesn’t have anything to do in life. If you didn’t like it then just don’t pay attention to it and move on.

And one thing to both actors, stop the fight and patch up. People love both of you.

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Also read – Bachna Ae Haseeno Movie Review

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Jul

Adulteration in India

newsdose

Technically, Adulteration means when corrupt men mix poisonous and cheap substances in our food products, but, I used to use this term, when a 17 year old boy comes out of his nappy and becomes a man. It is one day for which every boy waits for but the same thing can’t be said about girls as they want to look 16 even at the age of 60. Sounds weird? Read on.

It just feels like today when I, myself, got adulterated. At that time, it would mean that, no longer would I have to worry about opening a porn site and watching the “Adults Only” logo, no longer would I have to worry about humiliation if someone catches me while watching that porn. It would also mean that, I could go to the terrace of my home in my towel and start singing, “Jab Se Tere Naina” from the crappiest movie, “Saawariya” and no longer would I have to worry about the girl/boy next door staring and fantasizing about my thing when I drop that towel.

It would mean that, no longer would I have to worry about Police kicking my ass for catching me driving without a license. It also meant that, I could go to any shop and ask for a condom without feeling ashamed, unlike many Indian men, and it would also mean that, no longer would I have to consider masturbation as a sin, since, as per the Indian laws, I was officially an ADULT.

But, these were just hypothetical situations, which I don’t give a damn about. The things which I’ll mention now were the ones I was really excited about.

1. Right to Vote

I was made to believe that, once I get my right to vote, I can vote any person I like, whom I think will do best for my country without taking any bribe, without raping a 10 year old girl and without murdering any poor guy. They also convinced me to believe in the fact that, the person I’ll choose will be highly educated and a perfect gentleman. On the top of that, they told me that, the elections and the votes will be counted with pure honesty.

But, when the elections came, I saw the reality. I came to know that, no matter for which motherfucker I vote, only that will win who has a bigger gun or a large bank balance in his Swiss account. And if he has the skills to start a riot on the name of religion, language, or caste, then even God can’t defeat him in the elections.

2. Singing talent shows

I conjectured that, once I win any of the singing competition on the ground of my singing talent, I’ll get all the money, my name will be on everyone’s lips, girls will run after me just like they run after Imran Khan and people will go to the music stores to buy my music CDs and then I’ll be India’s 50 Cent.

But to my surprise, I came to know that, you don’t win on the basis of your talent, you win on the account of your state, religion and caste. If your state and caste people support you, then it doesn’t matter if you are the worst singer in the whole India, even more than Himesh Reshammiya, you’ll still win hands down. But, after that, no one will give a shit about you.

Your music video will be on a TV channel for a couple of months and then again, you’ll be an asshole who you were earlier. Then, other TV channels will invite you to compete against the winners of other reality shows. In short, you’ll be a fucked up retard for the rest of your life.

3. 18+ Stuff

I surmised that, I would go to the PVR with my broad chest and would buy the ticket of Sex and the City, as I’m an adult now. Moreover, I also deduced that no longer would I have to worry about the “Parental Advisory” logo on the Hip Hop music CDs.

But to my surprise again, I came to know that, even a 14 year old kid can buy the ticket of Sex and the city and can purely ignore the “Adult” certificate given to the movie. He can call his girlfriend a bitch or a whore and can sing, “I want to fuck you” for her, while she is busy doing her make-up and trying to garner attention of other guys just like Deepika Padukone and Bipasha Basu.

And all this forced me to ask some questions to myself? What the hell has happened to all of us? What are we doing to help our country? Is this the future of our country?

Then some of my friends came to me and said, “Shut the fuck up man, this is India Meri Jaan”.

And this took me to the conclusion that we don’t have to be 18 to become an Adult. We get adulterated from the starting of our lives, or in other words, corrupt men pollute us with poisonous and cheap substances.

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All the conditions and situations mentioned above represent the general experiences and overall scenario of the adults of India and they have nothing to do with the personal experiences of the author.
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