Gone are those good old days when our parents used to sit with neighbors and discuss if their children got into IIT or cleared CAT and then making fun of them if they didn’t.

And also gone are those beautiful days when we used to sit around with our friends and discuss who got laid with which girl or who made the best mms scandal and thus, paving the path to win the “Filmfare Best MMS Director Award.” I also remember those days when we used to play cricket in the streets and run after the ball to catch it as if it was one of our balls.

Today, thanks to World Wide Web and its social networking websites such as Orkut, Facebook, Hi5, and Twitter; we have forgotten what it was like to go out and have fun with friends. Now it’s all about the internet baby!

Under the influence of powerful desire to taste the “ADULT-eration”, teenagers make their profiles on these sites and claim to be 25 year old hunks and babes. Insecure teenage girls use the picture of Deepika Padukone as profile picture and seeing this, boys use the picture of Ranbir Kapoor and claim to be their soul mates, only to realize it later that Deepika has already changed her boyfriend.

Orkut is a heaven for poor heartbroken lovers, because now they can spy on their ex-lovers by making fake profiles which is not possible in the real world.

According to the recent survey carried out by Indian Institute of Molestation (IIM), Internet is the first step for an Indian man to be a pervert. If you’re a girl or if you’ve seen the home page of a girl’s profile, then you might know about the number of friend requests one girl gets in a single day by pervert men.

In order to become cool in front of their friends, boys claim to lose virginity by indulging in virtual sex with a girl, who might be a dude on the other end of the computer.

Real life losers are the “Cool Kids” on the internet, as they have 200+ friends in their profile out of which they don’t even know half of them and moreover, they don’t even talk to them. At least, they get the feeling that someone cares about them, who gives a damn if they get flushed in the school toilet daily, right?

And the last, the SMS language they use on such sites. Sometimes, I feel that they are raping the Good old English which is like our Bollywood actresses, simple and beautiful, but now “3xpl0it3d bY Da” Directors to be cool, and here by the teenagers.

So, there you go, a complete description of the Indian Internet Society, where perverts are made, virginity is lost to dudes, losers become heroes, languages get raped and the place where you know about the latest boyfriends of Deepika Padukone.

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Must Reads

1. Terrorist Attacks in Mumbai – So what did we lose and won in this attack? What to do next? Find Out!

2. Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi Movie Review – Review of the most awaited movie of 2008. 4 stars.

3. Are you a loser on the internet? – So, do you think you’re one? Is it difficult to answer? Read the post to find out.

4. Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi Music Review – Check out the music review of the most awaited movie of 2008.

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[digg=http://digg.com/comedy/Indian_Internet_Society]

It was A Wednesday. After 62 hours of horrifying bloodshed, 172 deaths, 293 injured people and undoubtedly, the biggest terrorist attack in the history of India, we are left with a lot of unanswered questions.

Gandhi Ji said, “agar vo ek gaal pe mare ton doosra gaal aage kar do” and our Munnabhai said “agar vo doosri baar bhi mare to fir se gaal aage kar do”, but no one told us what to do if they hit us three times and my theory says if they do it for the third time then it’s time to cut the bullshit and kick them in the balls so that they won’t ever get up again.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a firm believer of Gandhi but after three terrorist attacks on Mumbai and innumerable attacks on the whole India, this theory doesn’t work. Time has changed since the independence days and this theory should change, too. We’re now facing even worse enemies and thousands of people are dying almost daily because of those enemies.

The recent attack on Mumbai was an eye-opener to where we stand on the scale of security. Those bastards just came and blew everything up in Taj and Oberoi hotels just like that. And what did we do? Nothing! We were waiting for the NSG to arrive to Mumbai from New Delhi. Honestly, this is the most embarrassing thing for the Indian force.

Why don’t we have forces like SWAT in every state? Moreover, the weapons Mumbai policemen were carrying were pathetic. In which age are they living? 1950? Our government has so much money and we don’t have any sophisticated weapons that can kick the ass of terrorists? That’s shameful.

According to media reports, our Police officials knew that terrorists were coming from the sea route to attack Mumbai and still we were not able to stop them? That’s even more disgusting. Now this brings us to the politicians of India. These all are son of bitches, aren’t they? We just faced one of the worst massacre and they are too busy in blame game and asking ministers to resign.

That’s really imbecilic because resigning doesn’t make any difference. It’s the whole system that needs to be changed. It’s time to bury the “interrogate the criminal system”, it should be shoot on sight. If we implement it then only terrorists will have some kind of fear from the government.

And, the Human Rights of India need to shut the fuck up for some time now. If we don’t kill them then they’ll kill us. It’s a do or die situation now.

I’m missing Raj Thackrey the most right now, the so called “Savior of Mumbai”. After the attacks, he didn’t speak a thing. I’ve one question for him. What would you want to say to the North Indian force which saved the ass of Mumbai? I hope you’ve learnt your lesson and I wish that you won’t try to divide the Indians on the basis of state.

Now the question is what to do next? The recent news is that the Indian government asked Pakistan to handover Dawood Ibrahim and Masood Azhar to India. Well, that’s a pretty smart move considering there is a lot of pressure on Pakistan from all over the world. If Pakistan tries to fuck with us then they’ll be in deep trouble. It’s the right time to make them do anything we want. It’s time to nail Pakistan.

And how can we forget those brave soldiers who sacrificed their precious lives for our safety? Salute to all those martyrs and their families. God bless their soul and give them peace. This shows that no matter which motherfucker we are facing, we’ll win. I hope all this trauma will awake the youth of India and inspire them to do something for India in lieu of smoking, drinking and doing drugs.

It’s the time to show unity, it doesn’t matter from which state you are, or what’s your religion. If we’ll stand strong now then only we’ll able to defeat those terrorists. Their motive is to divide us and create chaos, they are the agents of anarchy and we’ve to stop them.

But we’ll never forget this entire trauma, we’ll never forget those martyrs, we’ll never forget 172 people who died in this incident, we’ll never forget those 62 hours of bloodshed, and we certainly will never forget that day, it was A Wednesday.

Do you want to say something on the recent terrorist attacks? Do you want to say “Fuck you” to terrorists and Indian politicians? Post it in the comment box. I’ll post the best comments in the post. Also, vote in the poll.

[polldaddy poll=1155461]

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Must Reads

1. Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi Music Review – Check out the music review of the most awaited movie of 2008.

2. Blasts in Bangalore and Ahmedabad – Read about the terrifying bomb blasts in Bangalore and Ahmedabad.

3. Are you a loser on the internet? – So, do you think you’re one? Is it difficult to answer? Read the post to find out.

4. An Indian Woman is Independent – Are you afraid of Independent women? Or do you want to become one? Then read this post.
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An 8th class girl being gang raped by her own classmates is not the answer one expects of that question. In fact, reading news like this in a newspaper is a disgrace on our society. Incidents like this happen on a daily basis but it’s the incapability of the woman of India that she can’t do anything about it.

People start talking, media asks questions, police investigates the case and everyone, suddenly, becomes saints, but in all of this, we forget that woman, the woman who suffered the entire trauma. We forget that woman who is someone’s mother, daughter, wife or a friend.

And all this leads to a one single question and that is, are women really safe in India? And if not, what’s the reason behind it? The answer is, incontrovertibly, no. And there is no one single reason behind it.

First and the foremost reason is the lack of independent women in our country whom the young girls can look upon as their role models. Being independent can give immense confidence to someone which is surely lacking in the women of India of all age groups.

There is also one reason which people don’t mention and that is the behavior of parents. In our society, a mother has to agree with whatever a father says as he is reckoned to be the head of the family. A woman has no say in the decisions especially if it is a joint family. This type of behavior often leads to lack of confidence among girls.

The gang rape incident has brought a light on the functioning of the teenagers and also highlighted the need for sex education in the study curriculums. Those who disagree with this, especially parents, have to realize that there is no way in which you can control your child. A time where children are exposed to such stuff through media, internet, friends and other thousand countless ways, it’s just impossible to stop them.

Instead of putting restrictions over them, you’ve to talk to them so that they can have proper knowledge about sex and they can know what is right and what is wrong. With 2.4 million people suffering from HIV in India, there is a serious need to educate children about sex before it’s too late.

One last reason for the poor condition of women is the pervert nature of Indian men. Leave the Indian women, even tourists complain about us and this is damaging the image of India on a global level. Teenagers, often, take pride in doing eve teasing and this is where everything starts. Parents have to take responsibility of their kids and their actions and Indian men have to control their pervert nature and start respecting women.

They say if you can’t help yourself then no one will help you, and this is true for the women in our city. If you won’t then there will be same incidents again and again and the same question will come up again, ‘Are women safe in India?’

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Post your comments on the topic or any new points that you’ve in the comment box below. I’ll reply to all of your comments and put best comments in the post for others to read.

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Must Reads

1. An Indian Woman is Independent – Are you afraid of Independent women? Or do you want to become one? Then read this post.

2. Are you a loser on the internet? – So, do you think you’re one? Is it difficult to answer? Read the post to find out.

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[digg=http://digg.com/educational/Are_women_safe_in_India]

One thing that I’ve noticed among the users is lack of awareness about the internet and social networking sites. For example; In India, people reckon Airtel’s 64 kbps connection as a broadband connection and people don’t know how to copy images from someone’s profile especially that of girls.

But today, I’m going to tell you about how to identify a loser on social networking sites or on the whole internet. This is a very useful guide because it also assists you to answer one small question and that question is, “Are you a loser on internet?”

You know that you’re a loser on internet WHEN -

1.You don’t know how to write in proper English. You use “ma” instead of “my”, “watevea” instead of “whatever” or “heLLo” instead of “Hello”. You put extra letters to a word. For example; “LiFE3” in lieu of “Life”. You prefer to use sms language on forums. Moreover, you think that it’s cool to write like this.

2.While browsing these sites, you send friend requests to girls and continuously check out their profiles. If they don’t accept it then also you keep on sending requests.

3.You try to use “Unlock Photo Albums Scripts” on the profiles of girls or your ex-lovers.

4.You just can’t complete your sentence without typing “Lolz”.

5.You send forward messages to your friends as scraps. For example; “Your mother will die if u don’t forward it to 10 people”, “I’ll sleep with your girlfriend if you don’t send it to 100 people”.

6.You’ve 200+ friends on Orkut but you don’t know half of them. Moreover, you don’t even talk to them. This is because you think that having 200+ friends makes you popular.

7.You have a fake profile to spy on your ex- girlfriend/ boyfriend.

8.You’re using a picture of Hannah Montana/Hilary Duff as your profile picture.

9.You don’t know your neighbor but you know about the latest games on Myspace.

10.You download porn from internet and masturbate to it rather than getting laid in real life.

11.You fight with people in communities and forums while in real life you don’t have the balls to say anything.

12.In real life, you say “LOL” in place of laughing.

13.After reading this, you are totally pissed off at me and now you’re going to the comment box to abuse me.

14.You copy this whole guide and forward it to your friends through email or post it on social networking websites or internet forums.

If you agree with all the points above, then dude, WELCOME TO LOSERVILLE!

So there you go, the best way to identify a loser on internet. Did I miss anything in that list? Post it in the comment box. I’ll surely include it in my list.

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It’s sad but it’s true. Even countries like Jamaica perform superior in Olympics than India and it’s a shame for all of us. Hockey used to be our best bet in the Olympics to win Gold medal but we are now out of that too. So whom should we blame for the present conditions of Indian Sports, and how to put a kibosh on these discountenance conditions?

The first reason that comes to mind is the negligence of the other sports due to Cricket. Honestly, I was a big fan of cricket when I was a kid but now, all I see is 11 men running after a ball as if it is one of their balls, if you know what I mean.

The media attention and money given to Cricket players are like a dream for other athletes and if you want to know what it feels like then imagine sleeping with Deepika Padukone in real life but you can’t get her because she is already in bed with Ranbir Kapoor. Sounds unpalatable, right?

Indian media follows cricketers even if they are going to a dentist just like India TV followed MS Dhoni. Due to so much coverage, cricketers always have a pressure to perform well during the matches. But as we all know, no news channel give a shit about athletes, so they don’t bother at all. Even if they win, then also Indian media don’t give a shit.

The other example of Cricket scoring over other sports would be IPL. Everyone knows how much money was spent on the teams and players. Celebrities like Shahrukh Khan, Katrina Kaif, Akshay Kumar, Preity Zinta made a presence during the matches and business tycoons like Mukesh Ambani, Vijay Malya gave so much money to their teams.

If they spend half of that amount on the improvement of other sports, then it would change the whole scenario over-night. Did I mention the cheerleaders that cricketers get? They can definitely motivate the players to perform well. You know the saying, “Behind every successful man, there is a HOT woman with big boobs”.

Enough of the cricket, now let’s move to real culprits, the Sports authorities. Everyone knows that they simply don’t give a fuck about the players. The prime example of this would be the doping case of Monika Devi, who was tested positive during a test. Now she has been freed from those charges but sadly, she can’t take part in the Olympics because it’s too late. This shows how much serious the authorities are.

And God knows what happens to the money that government gives to the authorities to improve the standards. From some particular reason, I believe that all the people working in these committees take that money and put into their Swiss accounts while players are starving on the roads.

The perfect portrayal of this system was in Chak De India, but still, our corrupt authorities are not ashamed of themselves for not having fucking morals and honesty just like Anees Bazmee and Akshay Kumar, who gave us, Singh is Kinng.

As a repercussion of all this, students and sports enthusiastic prefer to keep themselves away from all these sports and concentrate on becoming cricketers, which further downgrade the standards of Indian sports.

At the time of writing, India has already lost a number of competitions in Beijing Olympics 2008, which is a disgrace. Let’s hope our athletes will win some medals and make the head of 1 billion people proud. And I hope some honest politicians like Rahul Gandhi would do something about the state of Indian sports, before it’s too late.

The question is what do you think about this whole issue? What are your views? Who do you think is the culprit? Is it the government, sports authorities or cricket? Post your comments and I’ll put the best ones in the post.

[digg=http://digg.com/olympics/Why_is_India_a_loser_in_Olympics]

If that was not enough, police found more than 19 bombs in Surat, and the number is still rising in different cities. Before we start blaming the terrorists, we’ve to see what our Police and Intelligence services are doing and honestly, I really doubt their intelligence. They can even put our Pappu, who is Paanchvi fail, to mortification and yes, I’m again referring to “Kya Aap Paanchvi Paas se Tez Hain?”

If Pappu can dance salla then why can’t you protect our country, assholes?

Before going to terrorists, let us talk about our mutton headed politicians. And this time, to make their head proud and to maintain the doltish standards of Indian Politicians, Sushma Swaraj, the ugly bitch, started blaming UPA for the blasts. Let me tell you something Sushma, if you can’t help our country and solace the victims in anyway then you better shut the fuck up and sit down on your dirty ass.

Icing on the cake was that no other leader of BJP came in support of her statement. Mr. LK Advani, the guy who is almost ready to go to his grave, was silent and didn’t give any statement on the whole blame game. But, during the parliament session, he was shouting as if his life was dependent upon it.

The one and only one good thing that happened during the whole scene was the unity of Manmohan Singh and Narendra Modi, even if it was for a short time.

Before talking about terrorists and their motives, let us talk about the equivalence between Ram Gopal Verma’s Contract and the blasts. According to Indian news channels, there is a lot of similarity in this reel life and real life situation. Movies are giving ideas to terrorists, as stated by the Indian Media. But, I’ve a different opinion on this whole similarity issue.

If you ask me, terrorists got so thwarted by the movie that they decided to give India what they deserve for making such a crappy movie. In an interview given to The News Dose they said, “We got into so much trouble in obtaining the pirated copy of this movie and he gave us this shit? Fuck you RGV”.

That being said let us now finally move to terrorists. What are their motives? Why are they trying to rock India instead of rocking out with their cocks out in front of Rakhi Sawant’s picture?

In general, they do it because of religion, and I’m not a biased person who’ll say that they were Muslims. Instead of that, I’ll consider them as people who believe in God but sadly, they all are religious fanatics. They think that by killing people of other religions, they are going to impress their God and become heroes.

But, the thing they don’t realize is that, God is only one and by killing innocent people, they would not become any heroes. They are just motherfucking cowards who are too afraid to come out in open and fight face to face. God is not going to forgive for what you did to innocent people, but they are too dumb to understand this.

They think that killing innocent people is the only path to God and the people who bring such thinking into them are our politicians and religious leaders. According to me, you all will spared by God if you start licking Sushma Swaraj’s dirty ass.

In the end, there are some questions left unanswered.

1. Are we really safe in India?

2. Are our police and intelligence services doing any good for our safety?

3. Who are promoting these terrorists in India, Political leaders or Religious leaders?

Do you have opinions or answers to these questions? Post them as comments in the comment box below while I listen to “Yeh Jo Des hai tera” from the movie, “Swades” and pray for the innocent people especially the ladies in the image below. Die you cocksuckers terrorists.

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Help and pray for all the victims of the bomb blasts.

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Also read – Indian Politics – A True Wonder

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It just feels like today when I, myself, got adulterated. At that time, it would mean that, no longer would I have to worry about opening a porn site and watching the “Adults Only” logo, no longer would I have to worry about humiliation if someone catches me while watching that porn. It would also mean that, I could go to the terrace of my home in my towel and start singing, “Jab Se Tere Naina” from the crappiest movie, “Saawariya” and no longer would I have to worry about the girl/boy next door staring and fantasizing about my thing when I drop that towel.

It would mean that, no longer would I have to worry about Police kicking my ass for catching me driving without a license. It also meant that, I could go to any shop and ask for a condom without feeling ashamed, unlike many Indian men, and it would also mean that, no longer would I have to consider masturbation as a sin, since, as per the Indian laws, I was officially an ADULT.

But, these were just hypothetical situations, which I don’t give a damn about. The things which I’ll mention now were the ones I was really excited about.

1. Right to Vote

I was made to believe that, once I get my right to vote, I can vote any person I like, whom I think will do best for my country without taking any bribe, without raping a 10 year old girl and without murdering any poor guy. They also convinced me to believe in the fact that, the person I’ll choose will be highly educated and a perfect gentleman. On the top of that, they told me that, the elections and the votes will be counted with pure honesty.

But, when the elections came, I saw the reality. I came to know that, no matter for which motherfucker I vote, only that will win who has a bigger gun or a large bank balance in his Swiss account. And if he has the skills to start a riot on the name of religion, language, or caste, then even God can’t defeat him in the elections.

2. Singing talent shows

I conjectured that, once I win any of the singing competition on the ground of my singing talent, I’ll get all the money, my name will be on everyone’s lips, girls will run after me just like they run after Imran Khan and people will go to the music stores to buy my music CDs and then I’ll be India’s 50 Cent.

But to my surprise, I came to know that, you don’t win on the basis of your talent, you win on the account of your state, religion and caste. If your state and caste people support you, then it doesn’t matter if you are the worst singer in the whole India, even more than Himesh Reshammiya, you’ll still win hands down. But, after that, no one will give a shit about you.

Your music video will be on a TV channel for a couple of months and then again, you’ll be an asshole who you were earlier. Then, other TV channels will invite you to compete against the winners of other reality shows. In short, you’ll be a fucked up retard for the rest of your life.

3. 18+ Stuff

I surmised that, I would go to the PVR with my broad chest and would buy the ticket of Sex and the City, as I’m an adult now. Moreover, I also deduced that no longer would I have to worry about the “Parental Advisory” logo on the Hip Hop music CDs.

But to my surprise again, I came to know that, even a 14 year old kid can buy the ticket of Sex and the city and can purely ignore the “Adult” certificate given to the movie. He can call his girlfriend a bitch or a whore and can sing, “I want to fuck you” for her, while she is busy doing her make-up and trying to garner attention of other guys just like Deepika Padukone and Bipasha Basu.

And all this forced me to ask some questions to myself? What the hell has happened to all of us? What are we doing to help our country? Is this the future of our country?

Then some of my friends came to me and said, “Shut the fuck up man, this is India Meri Jaan”.

And this took me to the conclusion that we don’t have to be 18 to become an Adult. We get adulterated from the starting of our lives, or in other words, corrupt men pollute us with poisonous and cheap substances.

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All the conditions and situations mentioned above represent the general experiences and overall scenario of the adults of India and they have nothing to do with the personal experiences of the author.
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So without any further ado, I would like to welcome her to the very first episode of our show, “The Big Bitch”, hosted by your one and only, “Shahid the Gay Kapoor”.

*Rented crowd silent as they were not given any booze or chicken to welcome the guest.*

*Some old retard ladies started crying after seeing the Goddess herself.”

Ekta: Thank you Shahid. You know what? I think you’ve defeated my brother Tushar Kapoor in the competition of gay looks. Congratulations.

*Shahid shying*

Shahid: Thanks Bitch. So let’s move on to our first question, I’ve heard that you are going to embrace Aarushi Talwar’s murder story in your daily soap, is that right?

Ekta: Yes, I think it’s a perfect way to increase the TRP of my serials which have been running from centuries.

Shahid: Don’t you think it is sick?

Ekta: At least it is less sick than watching you romancing with old fat Vidya Balan or that Aarushi the bitch herself. She was humping her 40 year old Nepali servant instead of watching my serials.

Shahid: But it has not been proved that she was sleeping with Hemraj.

Ekta: Shut your mouth ass face, you don’t know anything. This is what happens when you don’t let your kids watch my Indian cultured serials. If she would have been watching my serials then she would have known our Indian culture and the dresses that an Indian woman must wear with all the make-up.

Shahid: But this is imbecilic

Ekta: Yes, this is as imbecilic as your fetish for Justin Timberlake and his gay dance moves. That is why you are trying to copy his dance moves in your latest fucked up movie, “Kismat Konnection”, right gay boy?

Random guy from the crowd: Fuck off you both hermaphrodites

*Old retard ladies beating the shit out of Random Guy*

*Ekta Kapoor giving them blessings*

Shahid: Ok, let’s change the topic; what do you have to say about the latest attempt from Mozilla to set a world record by making Firefox the most downloaded software in a single day?

Ekta: I don’t know about that, but I can surely see a fire in your little fox in your pants which is becoming bigger and bigger with every passing second.

Shahid: How do you know that I call it a Fox?

*Ekta stunned, while other girls and ladies laughing at him*

*Shahid embarrassed*

*Random guy doing something with his fox by keeping the picture of Kareena in front of him*

Shahid: Ok, what do you have to say about your patch-up with Smriti Irani(The Great Tulsi of India)?

Ekta: I’m so happy about that, we’ve always been loyal to each other from the very starting.

Shahid: But we’ve heard that you both are lesbians, is that true?

*Ekta takes out her mobile and calls Tulsi with great anger*

Ekta: Tulsi bitch, why did you tell everyone about us?

*Sounds of moaning coming from the phone*

*Ekta fully anxious*

Ekta: Tulsi! Are you humping someone again?

Karan Johar: Who the fuck is this? Can’t you understand that I and Tulsi are busy?

Ekta: KARAN! I thought you were going to fuck me tonight

Karan: Yeah, I’ll fuck you too, don’t worry darling, we will have a threesome

*Ekta depressed*

*Young teenagers and Shahid laughing*

*Old retard ladies crying*

*Random guy still playing with his fox*

Shahid: Ok, now what will you do?

Ekta: Wait! I’ve just got an idea; I’ll start a new show based on me and Tulsi

Shahid: What would you call it?

Ekta: Kahaani Two Lesbians Ki

Shahid: And who will play the lead roles?

Ekta: Anmol and Shambhavi, the new sluts of Bollywood

Random guy while playing with his fox: Die you fucking slut

*Old retard ladies cheering for Ekta*

Shahid: Best of luck for that, what do you have to say about the movie “Sex and the city”? Planning to launch an Indian version?

Ekta: Love you Shahid, you gave me a wonderful idea. I’ll call it, “Kyonki Kiss bhi Kabhi Sex thi”. My leading ladies will have sex while praying, talking, and plotting against each other and also during dying, during their marriages and also during their plastic surgeries. I’m the best!!

*Splitsvilla facing a tough competition now*

*Old retard ladies blushing*

*Random guy got caught masturbating to Kareena’s pic*

*Shahid and security running after the Random guy*

*Ekta Kapoor fantasizing about her new shows*

*Producer decides to end the show with a “FUCK YOU” message for everyone*

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