Tag-Archive for » Indian Politics «

Dec

Terrorist Attacks in Mumbai – An eye opener

It was A Wednesday. After 62 hours of horrifying bloodshed, 172 deaths, 293 injured people and undoubtedly, the biggest terrorist attack in the history of India, we are left with a lot of unanswered questions.

Gandhi Ji said, “agar vo ek gaal pe mare ton doosra gaal aage kar do” and our Munnabhai said “agar vo doosri baar bhi mare to fir se gaal aage kar do”, but no one told us what to do if they hit us three times and my theory says if they do it for the third time then it’s time to cut the bullshit and kick them in the balls so that they won’t ever get up again.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a firm believer of Gandhi but after three terrorist attacks on Mumbai and innumerable attacks on the whole India, this theory doesn’t work. Time has changed since the independence days and this theory should change, too. We’re now facing even worse enemies and thousands of people are dying almost daily because of those enemies.

The recent attack on Mumbai was an eye-opener to where we stand on the scale of security. Those bastards just came and blew everything up in Taj and Oberoi hotels just like that. And what did we do? Nothing! We were waiting for the NSG to arrive to Mumbai from New Delhi. Honestly, this is the most embarrassing thing for the Indian force.

Why don’t we have forces like SWAT in every state? Moreover, the weapons Mumbai policemen were carrying were pathetic. In which age are they living? 1950? Our government has so much money and we don’t have any sophisticated weapons that can kick the ass of terrorists? That’s shameful.

According to media reports, our Police officials knew that terrorists were coming from the sea route to attack Mumbai and still we were not able to stop them? That’s even more disgusting. Now this brings us to the politicians of India. These all are son of bitches, aren’t they? We just faced one of the worst massacre and they are too busy in blame game and asking ministers to resign.

That’s really imbecilic because resigning doesn’t make any difference. It’s the whole system that needs to be changed. It’s time to bury the “interrogate the criminal system”, it should be shoot on sight. If we implement it then only terrorists will have some kind of fear from the government.

And, the Human Rights of India need to shut the fuck up for some time now. If we don’t kill them then they’ll kill us. It’s a do or die situation now.

I’m missing Raj Thackrey the most right now, the so called “Savior of Mumbai”. After the attacks, he didn’t speak a thing. I’ve one question for him. What would you want to say to the North Indian force which saved the ass of Mumbai? I hope you’ve learnt your lesson and I wish that you won’t try to divide the Indians on the basis of state.

Now the question is what to do next? The recent news is that the Indian government asked Pakistan to handover Dawood Ibrahim and Masood Azhar to India. Well, that’s a pretty smart move considering there is a lot of pressure on Pakistan from all over the world. If Pakistan tries to fuck with us then they’ll be in deep trouble. It’s the right time to make them do anything we want. It’s time to nail Pakistan.

And how can we forget those brave soldiers who sacrificed their precious lives for our safety? Salute to all those martyrs and their families. God bless their soul and give them peace. This shows that no matter which motherfucker we are facing, we’ll win. I hope all this trauma will awake the youth of India and inspire them to do something for India in lieu of smoking, drinking and doing drugs.

It’s the time to show unity, it doesn’t matter from which state you are, or what’s your religion. If we’ll stand strong now then only we’ll able to defeat those terrorists. Their motive is to divide us and create chaos, they are the agents of anarchy and we’ve to stop them.

But we’ll never forget this entire trauma, we’ll never forget those martyrs, we’ll never forget 172 people who died in this incident, we’ll never forget those 62 hours of bloodshed, and we certainly will never forget that day, it was A Wednesday.

Do you want to say something on the recent terrorist attacks? Do you want to say “Fuck you” to terrorists and Indian politicians? Post it in the comment box. I’ll post the best comments in the post. Also, vote in the poll.

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Must Reads

1. Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi Music Review – Check out the music review of the most awaited movie of 2008.

2. Blasts in Bangalore and Ahmedabad – Read about the terrifying bomb blasts in Bangalore and Ahmedabad.

3. Are you a loser on the internet? – So, do you think you’re one? Is it difficult to answer? Read the post to find out.

4. An Indian Woman is Independent – Are you afraid of Independent women? Or do you want to become one? Then read this post.
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[digg=http://digg.com/world_news/Terrorist_Attacks_in_Mumbai_n_An_eye_opener]

Aug

Blasts in Bangalore and Ahmedabad

newsdose

After celebrating Diwali couple of months back in Jaipur, tourists or as many say “terrorists”, decided to celebrate Diwali in Bangalore and Ahmedabad, and this time, they planned it big. They spent huge amount of money on crackers or as you say “bombs” and first rocked Bangalore, The Silicon Valley of India, and then, rocked Ahmedabad on the very next day, and thus, killing more than 50 people.

bomb blasts

If that was not enough, police found more than 19 bombs in Surat, and the number is still rising in different cities. Before we start blaming the terrorists, we’ve to see what our Police and Intelligence services are doing and honestly, I really doubt their intelligence. They can even put our Pappu, who is Paanchvi fail, to mortification and yes, I’m again referring to “Kya Aap Paanchvi Paas se Tez Hain?”

If Pappu can dance salla then why can’t you protect our country, assholes?

Before going to terrorists, let us talk about our mutton headed politicians. And this time, to make their head proud and to maintain the doltish standards of Indian Politicians, Sushma Swaraj, the ugly bitch, started blaming UPA for the blasts. Let me tell you something Sushma, if you can’t help our country and solace the victims in anyway then you better shut the fuck up and sit down on your dirty ass.

Icing on the cake was that no other leader of BJP came in support of her statement. Mr. LK Advani, the guy who is almost ready to go to his grave, was silent and didn’t give any statement on the whole blame game. But, during the parliament session, he was shouting as if his life was dependent upon it.

The one and only one good thing that happened during the whole scene was the unity of Manmohan Singh and Narendra Modi, even if it was for a short time.

Manmohan Singh and Narendra Modi

Before talking about terrorists and their motives, let us talk about the equivalence between Ram Gopal Verma’s Contract and the blasts. According to Indian news channels, there is a lot of similarity in this reel life and real life situation. Movies are giving ideas to terrorists, as stated by the Indian Media. But, I’ve a different opinion on this whole similarity issue.

If you ask me, terrorists got so thwarted by the movie that they decided to give India what they deserve for making such a crappy movie. In an interview given to The News Dose they said, “We got into so much trouble in obtaining the pirated copy of this movie and he gave us this shit? Fuck you RGV”.

That being said let us now finally move to terrorists. What are their motives? Why are they trying to rock India instead of rocking out with their cocks out in front of Rakhi Sawant’s picture?

In general, they do it because of religion, and I’m not a biased person who’ll say that they were Muslims. Instead of that, I’ll consider them as people who believe in God but sadly, they all are religious fanatics. They think that by killing people of other religions, they are going to impress their God and become heroes.

But, the thing they don’t realize is that, God is only one and by killing innocent people, they would not become any heroes. They are just motherfucking cowards who are too afraid to come out in open and fight face to face. God is not going to forgive for what you did to innocent people, but they are too dumb to understand this.

They think that killing innocent people is the only path to God and the people who bring such thinking into them are our politicians and religious leaders. According to me, you all will spared by God if you start licking Sushma Swaraj’s dirty ass.

In the end, there are some questions left unanswered.

1. Are we really safe in India?

2. Are our police and intelligence services doing any good for our safety?

3. Who are promoting these terrorists in India, Political leaders or Religious leaders?

Do you have opinions or answers to these questions? Post them as comments in the comment box below while I listen to “Yeh Jo Des hai tera” from the movie, “Swades” and pray for the innocent people especially the ladies in the image below. Die you cocksuckers terrorists.

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Help and pray for all the victims of the bomb blasts.

bomb blasts in ahmedabad and bangalore

Bomb blasts
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Also read – Indian Politics – A True Wonder

[digg=http://digg.com/politics/Blasts_in_Bangalore_and_Ahmedabad]

Jul

Adulteration in India

newsdose

Technically, Adulteration means when corrupt men mix poisonous and cheap substances in our food products, but, I used to use this term, when a 17 year old boy comes out of his nappy and becomes a man. It is one day for which every boy waits for but the same thing can’t be said about girls as they want to look 16 even at the age of 60. Sounds weird? Read on.

It just feels like today when I, myself, got adulterated. At that time, it would mean that, no longer would I have to worry about opening a porn site and watching the “Adults Only” logo, no longer would I have to worry about humiliation if someone catches me while watching that porn. It would also mean that, I could go to the terrace of my home in my towel and start singing, “Jab Se Tere Naina” from the crappiest movie, “Saawariya” and no longer would I have to worry about the girl/boy next door staring and fantasizing about my thing when I drop that towel.

It would mean that, no longer would I have to worry about Police kicking my ass for catching me driving without a license. It also meant that, I could go to any shop and ask for a condom without feeling ashamed, unlike many Indian men, and it would also mean that, no longer would I have to consider masturbation as a sin, since, as per the Indian laws, I was officially an ADULT.

But, these were just hypothetical situations, which I don’t give a damn about. The things which I’ll mention now were the ones I was really excited about.

1. Right to Vote

I was made to believe that, once I get my right to vote, I can vote any person I like, whom I think will do best for my country without taking any bribe, without raping a 10 year old girl and without murdering any poor guy. They also convinced me to believe in the fact that, the person I’ll choose will be highly educated and a perfect gentleman. On the top of that, they told me that, the elections and the votes will be counted with pure honesty.

But, when the elections came, I saw the reality. I came to know that, no matter for which motherfucker I vote, only that will win who has a bigger gun or a large bank balance in his Swiss account. And if he has the skills to start a riot on the name of religion, language, or caste, then even God can’t defeat him in the elections.

2. Singing talent shows

I conjectured that, once I win any of the singing competition on the ground of my singing talent, I’ll get all the money, my name will be on everyone’s lips, girls will run after me just like they run after Imran Khan and people will go to the music stores to buy my music CDs and then I’ll be India’s 50 Cent.

But to my surprise, I came to know that, you don’t win on the basis of your talent, you win on the account of your state, religion and caste. If your state and caste people support you, then it doesn’t matter if you are the worst singer in the whole India, even more than Himesh Reshammiya, you’ll still win hands down. But, after that, no one will give a shit about you.

Your music video will be on a TV channel for a couple of months and then again, you’ll be an asshole who you were earlier. Then, other TV channels will invite you to compete against the winners of other reality shows. In short, you’ll be a fucked up retard for the rest of your life.

3. 18+ Stuff

I surmised that, I would go to the PVR with my broad chest and would buy the ticket of Sex and the City, as I’m an adult now. Moreover, I also deduced that no longer would I have to worry about the “Parental Advisory” logo on the Hip Hop music CDs.

But to my surprise again, I came to know that, even a 14 year old kid can buy the ticket of Sex and the city and can purely ignore the “Adult” certificate given to the movie. He can call his girlfriend a bitch or a whore and can sing, “I want to fuck you” for her, while she is busy doing her make-up and trying to garner attention of other guys just like Deepika Padukone and Bipasha Basu.

And all this forced me to ask some questions to myself? What the hell has happened to all of us? What are we doing to help our country? Is this the future of our country?

Then some of my friends came to me and said, “Shut the fuck up man, this is India Meri Jaan”.

And this took me to the conclusion that we don’t have to be 18 to become an Adult. We get adulterated from the starting of our lives, or in other words, corrupt men pollute us with poisonous and cheap substances.

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All the conditions and situations mentioned above represent the general experiences and overall scenario of the adults of India and they have nothing to do with the personal experiences of the author.
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[digg=http://digg.com/comedy/Adulteration_in_India]

Jul

Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na Movie Review

newsdose

When was the last time a romantic movie complied with your level of penchant? I know, Jab We Met in 2007. But, this is 2008, and it feels like it’s been ages since we saw an up to scratch Bollywood movie, predominantly because of the thrash talking, nauseating and brain slaughtering movies like Tashan, Krazzy 4 and the latest, De Gaali, I mean De Taali.

Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na

In spite of all this, Bollywood finally gave us a movie which will make you gaga over its freshness, unique presentation and too good to be true performances and that movie is, indubitably, Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na. I think I’m praising too much, but on a second thought, it deserves this.

Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na is about Jai Singh Rathore (Imran Khan), also known as Rats and Aditi Mahant (Genelia D’Souza) a.k.a Meow or “Kaali Billi”. Jai is a person who doesn’t believe in violence while Aditi is a girl who is violent and who calls her own brother, “Son of a Bitch”. And, both of them are best friends or let’s just say more than friends. A perfect case of “Opposites attract”.

Based upon the life of 6 college friends, it is a simple yet fresh love story, at least in terms of storytelling, but the same can’t be said for the script as it is based upon the tried and tested formula for love stories in Bollywood. For example; love between two best friends, opposites attract and of course, the Airport climax scene.

But, it is the fresh style of the debut director Abbas Tyrewala, the writer of movies like Munnabhai M.B.B.S and Main Hoon Na, which makes the movie, seem like Dr. Manmohan Singh standing between the uneducated Indian Politicians. Sounds palatable, right?

From the very first frame, you’ll come to know that you are about to witness a rollercoaster ride. But, just like any other movie, it has its own share of rust on it. And in this case, it is the most ignorant mistakes that I’ve ever seen in movies.

Mistake 1

I don’t expect this kind of mistake from Aamir Khan’s production and that is the choppy editing of the movie. There are many scenes which could have been funnier especially the one in which Jai and Aditi’s brother try to catch his pet. Substandard editing and direction totally ruined that wonderful scene.

Mistake 2

There are too many characters and their stories which are not required at all. Take the example of Aditi’s brother who has his own little story which distracts the viewers from the main idea of the movie and it doesn’t hold any significance.

Mistake 3

They are shown as 21 years old youngsters who are too keen to get married. Does it really happen these days? I don’t think so. And, they have spent 5 years in college which makes them 16 when they entered the college. Brainy students, right?

Mistake 4

I want to tell this but I can’t, because it is the climax scene and I don’t want to ruin the fun.

Performances

Imran Khan – He is undoubtedly the next Big Khan. He is really comfortable with his role and does perfect justice to it. I don’t think there is anyone who could have done this role better than him. Moreover, his smile and looks are already a hit among the girls of all age groups. One more thing for the ladies, don’t miss him when he rides the white horse, he surely looks like a king at that time.

I think Ranbir Kapoor should drop another towel to get all the attention back.

Genelia D’Souza – She steals the whole show hands down. She is cute, funny and perfect for the role. She pulls her role off with utter brilliance. It was a surprise as her performance in Mere Baap Pehle Aap was not that good. Nevertheless, she is the one to watch out for.

Supporting Cast – Most of the supporting cast was perfect especially Manjari Phadnis, Ratna Pathak (Jai’s mother), Naseeruddin Shah (Jai’s dad), Ayaz Khan and the three guest appearances. Paresh Rawal in his short role make you laugh more than any character in the movie.

Problem with the movie is that, the director sometimes tries too hard to impress you. And, sometimes, story loses its original path and become confusing thanks to the editing which was carried out with utter shame. I expected a lot from this movie, but, it didn’t live to my expectations because of the stupid mistakes.

In spite of all this, Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na is a movie to watch. You just can’t miss it. It is a movie to watch with your friends, or better, with your girlfriend or boyfriend.

Showstoppers – Imran Khan, Genelia D’Souza

Rating – 3/5 (I’m being generous for this one)

[digg=http://digg.com/movies/Jaane_Tu_Ya_Jaane_Na_Movie_Review_7]

Jul

Indian Politics – A True Wonder

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We all know about the Seven Wonders of the World, but if we get a chance to add one more item to that consequential list, then that would be, undoubtedly, The Indian Politics. It is one piece of shit which, we the people of India love to hate, even more than John Abraham’s acting, Rakhi Sawant’s annoying voice and Ekta Kapoor’s unpalatable serials.

Although maneuvering a country is reckoned to be the most important job, but in India, you don’t need to pass IIT, AIEEE or even the Fifth grade to enter in politics. All you need is to perpetrate couple of murders, ten rapes with additional 5 gang rapes for higher political positions, ability to backstab anyone at any given time even during masturbation, wherewithal to throw shoes, tomatoes etc at each other during parliament sessions and the last and the most important, knowledge to operate a basic computer with broadband connection in order to start Swiss accounts to deposit all the money robbed from poor people, download porn from desi sites and to write poisonous compact disks against other religions so as to start riots.

NewsDose: So, in order to make the youth of India more familiar with this cunt eating government job and the current problems of India, The News Dose in association with AajTak and CNN-IBN, has organized a special program for the viewers, “Indian Politics – Fuck Me? Fuck You!”

CNN-IBN: We would like to welcome all the politicians and the celebrities who cared to come on this show.

*Rented Youth audience ready with eggs, tomatoes, buckets full of piss and shit and DVDs of Tashan to throw at the politicians.*

NewsDose: So, we are going to start with the hot burning topic of the Nation, The Nuclear Deal, and the first question goes to CPIM leader, Sitaram Yechury, who is opposing this deal. Why are you so much against this deal?

Sitaram Yechury: Well, first of all I want to say that I don’t have any problem with the Congress. It is the US people whom I hate the most.

NewsDose: What is the reason behind so much hate?

Sitaram Yechury: I requested George W Bush to send me a copy of Playboy on my birthday, but he refused to do it. Then I asked the owner of the magazine, Hugh Hefner, to start the magazine in India. He also refused my request. You tell me, they can read our Love Book, The Kama sutra, then why can’t they start this titillating magazine for the perverts Indian men. Don’t you think it is unfair?

Rakhi Sawant: Yes, it is totally unfair for the Indian women too, especially like me. I also want to pose nude for the magazine so that Indian men can buy it and start playing with their dicks and then cum on my face, on my pictures that is.

Random Guy from the audience: Take off your clothes slut; I’ll shoot you with both my camera and my dick.

*Rakhi happy and taking the random guy in the corner*

Sonia Gandhi: I can be a Playboy model for you, if you agree to support us with nuclear deal, ok Sitaram?

Sitaram Yechury: Fuck Yeah! Now you are talking!

*Left and Congress celebrating*

CNN-IBN: Phew, one issue is solved. So, let’s move on to next issue, Inflation. Anyone wants to ask a question to Mr. Chidambaram?

Amar Singh: Yes, I’ve a question. Why prices of commodities are rising even faster than Abhishek’s dick, when he saw Aishwarya naked for the first time?

NewsDose: How do you know about Abhishek’s dick? Is there any sex tape that we don’t know?

Amar Singh: I know everything, you ass hole NewsDose. He is Amitabh’s son and genetically, their dick rising speed matches. And how do I know Amitabh’s speed? Well, we always share the room and kick out Jaya Bachan. I measured his speed when he saw me naked for the first time.

*Amar Singh and Amitabh blushing*

Amitabh: I hope all the youngsters sitting here are learning something.

Random Guy from the audience: Yeah oldie with a booby, I’ve learnt that, how to be a gay at the age of 60.

*Youngistan cheering for the Random Guy*

*Random guy again busy in shooting Rakhi Sawant*

NewsDose: Dr. Manmohan Singh, you are very quiet today, what is the deal?

Manmohan: Actually, Sonia madam has gone with Sitaram, so, I’m waiting for her to come and tell me what to speak.

AajTak: Where is the hell is, The Great Khali? He is not interested in politics? Damn! Listen guys, we’ve to make a one hour show on this issue. We’ll call it, “Khali tune kiya videshi slut ko kiss to bhool gaya India ki politics?”

Youngistan: Go and suck Khali’s dick, you motherfucking TV channel.

NewsDose: Ok, now we’ve Raghu Ram with us. He is here to ask the youth of India a couple of questions.

Raghu: Ok the guy in pink shirt, come here.

*Pinku going to stage*

Raghu: So tell me, what do you want to become in life?

Pinku: I want to clear IIT, AIEEE and all the entrance exams and then become an engineer.

Raghu: Great! Which engineer?

Pinku: Hmmm I haven’t decided it yet, I’m confused between software, mechanical, civil and Electronic. Can you give any suggestion? Don’t tell me to enter politics; I hate this piece of shit.

Raghu: Yes, I’ve a suggestion, go fuck yourself motherfucker. People like you are of no use to this country. I want to be an engineer, what engineer? I don’t know. This is the future of India? Go and die you cock sucker.

CNN-IBN: Cool down Raghu, they are just wannabe engineers just like Tusshar Kapoor, Zayed Khan and Katrina Kaif, who are wannabe actors.

Raghu: Yeah, I understand. Even those 20 sluts in Splitsvilla are better than these doltish assholes. At least, they know that they want to be money grubbing whores for the rest of their lives.

*Youngistan protesting against Raghu and NewsDose because becoming an Engineer or a Doctor is religion to them.*

Youngistan: You both assholes, you never cleared any exam yourself and you are telling us to do what with our lives? Die losers!

Raghu: We are doing this for the welfare of our country. We need creative minds, not coolies like you.

*Youngistan running after Raghu and NewsDose to kill them*

*Manmohan still waiting for Sonia Gandhi to come from her Playboy photo shoot, so that he can say something.*

*Random guy almost died after giving so many shots to Rakhi. She never gets satisfied.*

CNN-IBN: This is the end of the first part of our show, “Indian Politics- Fuck Me? Fuck You!” We’ll come back later with more politics, celebrities and latest scandals including Aarushi Murder case. Ciao.

[digg=http://digg.com/comedy/Indian_Politics_A_True_Wonder]

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